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What would $100 get me?
a.) It'd get you a handy and a lollipop, Dave Man, you fucking perv!!!!!!!
b.) I'd be willing to read you poetry while I fart on your head, David.
c.) One hundred dollars would get you a picture of my dog and I...naked in the bathtub...tickling each other...while my cousin looks on...
d.) A hundred bucks will give you a fucking head start before I's a-start shootin', Davey Mac!!!! Yeeeeehhhaaaaww!!! Bang-bang!! Bang-bang-bang!!! Yeeehhaaw!!!
What is your favorite morning news program?
a.) The Today Show (18%)
b.) Good Morning America (17%)
c.) Wake Up and Jizz (20%)
d.) Rise & Shine & Fart & Bleed! (22%)
e.) Cum Time A.M.! (23%)
What is your favorite Coen Brothers-parody porno?
a.) Fucko (16%)
b.) The Big Cock-owski (16%)
c.) No Cunt-ry For Old Dick (17%)
d.) Raising Jizzona (16%)
e.) Barton Fuck (17%)
f.) The Cumsucker Proxy (18%)
That's right!! We are gonna crunk THE SHIT out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio!! And, fine, I don't know what the fuck crunk is. To me, crunk sounds like either a cereal that really makes you shit a lot, or one of the creatures that lives in Jabba the Hutt's palace. Fuck it. Anyway, the Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE as always on Saturday on Sirius XM at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!! Tune in to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the sports-crunk!!! It's gonna rock so hard it'll make you puke!!! Topics for the show shall include:
* America's favorite actress, Olivia Plop, talks about her new memoir- "I Got Finger-Cuffed Once By Arnold Schwarzenegger And Tom Arnold"
* Ducks- Cute enough to fuck?
* Bath Salts- Dave & Pepper eat them and then eat Cousin Brucie's face off.
* Former Houston Astro Reggie Tickles discusses his new reality show for Spike- Guess How Many Sun Flower Seeds Reggie Tickles Can Fit Into His Dick-Hole?
* Why you shouldn't wear a suit with over twenty jizz stains on it when going on a job interview and eight more easy tips that can't possibly help you!
* And Theology Professor at Yale University, Dr. Albert Shmell, chats about his new thesis- "God Is Really Good At Tetris And A Bunch Of Other Shit"
We'll see you Saturday on Sirius XM!!!!
What do you think of the whole Libyan situation?
a.) I think they riot like pussies!!! If we could send our 1992 L.A. rioters over to Libya, we'd clean up that shit-hole in seconds!!! (24%)
b.) The only "Libyan situation" I know of is one that deals with Marty, Doc Brown, and a shitload of plutonium, Davey Mac. (26%)
c.) I don't even know where Libya is!! But that's only because I'm half-retarded and often call my fingers my "hand-dicks." (26%)
d.) I don't think at all, David. I'm currently dead. But thanks for asking, asshole. Signed, Kurt Cobain (24%)
DAMN STRAIGHT!! A new episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program is NOW up on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes and it fucking hits the ass HARD!!! We cover New York sports talk host Mike Francesa falling asleep on the air!!! We discuss the fact that Sean Connery is a Scottish weirdo!! We unfortunately talk about Brett Favre's pubic hair!! And much, much MORE!! Join "East Side" Dave McDonald, Chris "Pepper" Stanley, and Sean O for a historic show where we discuss why the hell our keyboardist and Davey Mac band-leader Roy Shaffer didn't show up this week and why we're gonna cut off his testicles for punishment!! It's a good one!! Download the show (for FREE) and subscribe on on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for the shit!!! Peace!!!
Are you superstitious about the number 13?
a.) Fuck yeah, Dave Man!!! Once on the thirteenth of October I accidentally chopped off my friend's dick. OK, fine, it was on purpose. And, yes, it was my dick. And, sure, I did it in front of two Russians who swore that they would pay me in bologna sandwiches for the rest of my life if I chopped my dick off. And, of course, I never got those sandwiches. Fuck YOU, you Commie bastards!!! (25%)
b.) I am afraid of ALL numbers, David, not just 13!! I'm afraid of 8, and 112, and even 56!! I'm also afraid of: lemons, monkey hair, ear lobes, asses, and water. (24%)
c.) Yeah, I don't like the fucking number 13!!! That should be fucking obvious, nitwit!!! Dammit, you should know that, you fucking non-astronaut piece of shit!!!! Signed, Jim Lovell (25%)
d.) I have no fears. I once bit the face off a homeless man. Signed, Bath Salts Billy (26%)
Are we gonna have a GREAT day today or what!!!
a.) We sure ARE, Dave! I've just shaved my dick and am preparing to let it be bitten by a rattle snake!! Yeeeehhaaww!!! (24%)
b.) I'm gonna have the BEST day ever, Dave Man!! I've gotten all the chloroform and blindfolds and hard candy ready!!! Now it's off to the nursing home I go!!! (26%)
c.) I don't think I'll be having a good day, David. My lips fell off again. I really need to stop making out with lepers. (23%)
d.) Today is gonna ROCK, Diddy Mac!!! I'm heading to the Reverse Michael Vick Compound where dogs force football players to fight to the death!! I got 100 bucks on Ray Lewis!!! (27%)
That's right, daddy-baby-brother-buddy!!! The Davey Mac Sports Program shits on the head of sports, animals, and sports animals THIS EVENING at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!! Watch the show as we break down the first week of football, farting, Mike Francesa falling asleep on the air, Mike Francesa farting, Davey Mac's mental problems, Pepper's farting, the U.S. Open, and John MacEnroe's farty farting!!! It's gonna be a dynamite show so join us LIVE, THIS EVENING at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!! Now let's go have a sandwich and fuck THE SHIT out of some pillows, or blankets, or any kind of bedding in general!!!! Peace!!!!
Today is September 11th. How will you remember this day?
a.) I'll take a picture of Osama bin Laden and wipe my pimple-ridden ass with it!!! (23%)
b.) Well, I'LL take a photo of bin Laden and shit on it AND piss on it and DANCE on it!!! (25%)
c.) Well, I'M planning on shitting on a bin Laden pic, THEN pissing on it, THEN jizzing on it, THEN farting on it, THEN throwing dead animals at it, and THEN burning it!!! (26%)
d.) Well, I'M gonna find bin Laden's body/ashes and fuck them in the ass!!! (26%)
What is your favorite part about going to the movies?
a.) I enjoy sitting in the dark and thinking of all the people that I would like to jerk me off! (25%)
b.) My favorite part is the popcorn! I take it home with me and glue it together to make a popcorn necklace for my wife! I guess that's why she usually tells me that my "gifts suck elephant dicks." (25%)
c.) I love the trailers. I just saw one recently for this new movie called "Face-Off In Seattle"...where Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan wear each other's faces. Come to think of it, I may have dreamt that. (26%)
d.) I hate going to the movies ever since I got a rash on my asshole when I went to the theater once with no pants on and a Twizzler up my ass. (24%)
Yeah, people!!! The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE this Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!! Just go to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for "the best thing that's happened to me since my dick was chopped off!!" - John Bobbitt. Topics for the show shall include:
* Pushing children into mud- We'll give you the five easy steps on how to do it and not get beaten by their parents!
* Tootsie Rolls: Our in-depth report on why they look so much like Pomeranian shits.
* "America's Favorite Librarian", Ms. Janelle Leopold, discusses her new memoir- I Like Reading Encyclopedia Brown Books While I Put Dildos In Me
* Legendary comedian Chuck Chuckles does his famous routine- Can someone please help me hide my wife's body?! Seriously!! I just choked her dead with piano wire!!
* The Fugglin Brothers, Hank and Tank, play their new, hit country song- "I Just Lynched A Pair Of Triplets, Yeehaw!"
* Tissues- why they're good at cleaning up cum
We'll see you homies Saturday on Sirius XM!!!
What did you think of the Democratic National Convention?
a.) It would have been better if Zombie Lyndon Johnson appeared on stage and bit the head off of Joe Biden. (24%)
b.) I thought it was great!! Especially the part where Bill Clinton lit his on farts during his speech!! Yeaahhh!! Poo Time, Bill!!! (25%)
c.) I only wish that President Obama had performed a puppet show. Maybe he could have had a Romney Puppet and a Ryan Puppet suck each other's puppet dicks. (26%)
d.) I didn't watch it. I'm only into reality shows and there was a Slut-Bag Whores Of South Dakota marathon on Bravo. (25%)
What would be the worst way to die?
a.) Suffocating on old person shit. (24%)
b.) Getting tickled to death by Tom Sizemore. (25%)
c.) Having your arms and legs ripped off by singing midgets. (25%)
d.) Getting stabbed in the dick-hole twenty times by Anderson Cooper. (26%)
Shit yeah!! The Davey Mac Sports Program and The Watchers presents "Drunken Given Sunday"!! An ode to the movie "Any Given Sunday", football, drunkenness, ribs, Phish Friday's, and LIFE itself!!! And it's NOW AVAILABLE for free on on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!! Just click on one of those links for the most fun you'll have with Al Pacino and Dennis Quaid since the time you saw them finger-cuffing Markie Post!! Listen for Dave's drunk conversations, Pepper's drunk confessions, Sean O's drunk impressions, and Roy Shaffer's sober reflections!!! Each one is as disturbing as the next!! So join us on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for the "Drunken Given Sunday" show!! Bam!!!!
With all these shootings going on, should we ban guns?
a.) Fuck no!! It's my right as an American to own guns and shoot the shit out of 'em and be all fat and high on Meth and jerking off to animal porn while I'm driving my truck down a dirt road at midnight on my way to blowing up an immigrant's house with fucking dynamite!!! U-S-A!! U-S-A!! (23%)
b.) Yes, we should ban guns. And then we should replace them with squirting flowers. Signed, Kenny The Clown of Kenny The Clown's Squirting Flowers And Other Mildly Humorous Goods Depot (27%)
c.) I don't know what we should do about guns. I'm always flip-flopping on issues. One day I'm like, "Hey, I'm anti-gun!" And the next day I'm like, "Hey, I think I'm gonna shoot Dustin Diamond in the dick-hole!" Who knows... (25%)
d.) OK, ok, who just shot me in the dick-hole? -Dustin Diamond (25%)
The summer is over. Now what do we do?
a.) We could celebrate Autumn by stuffing leaves up our asses!!! Weeeeeee!!! (24%)
b.) I say we have a Jerk-Off Block Party! Grill some burgers! And just jerk the fuck off!! Who's with me?!?!?! (25%)
c.) What a great summer! I was only arrested thrice!! Success!! (26%)
d.) Now that it's Fall I'm gonna find a large pumpkin and throw it at the first midget that I see!! (25%)
Fuck yeah, baby!!! The Davey Mac ode to the return of the NFL season, to the movie "Any Given Sunday", and to liquor culminates TONIGHT at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, on Ustream!!! It's the DRUNKEN GIVEN SUNDAY show!! LIVE!! Join Davey, Pepper, Roy Shaffer, and Sean O for what promises to be a fucking disaster of a broadcast that will most likely result in a minimum of three arrests, 2 pints of vomit, a dozen bad impressions of Al Pacino, 100 beer farts, and a whole lot more!!! It'll be fun...until we get kicked off of Ustream that is!!! See you TONIGHT at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!!
Are you ready for fucking fun today?! It's the Davey Mac Sports Program DRUNKEN GIVEN SUNDAY show- LIVE- TONIGHT- at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream!!! It's a special drinking show/ode to the movie "Any Given Sunday"!! How wonderful is this going to be???
a.) It's gonna be so much fun that I'm gonna grab a Mexican and let him chop my cock off!! (24%)
b.) I can't wait!! I'm already so drunk that I just crashed my air balloon into an elementary school!! Yeeehhaaww!!! (25%)
c.) This'll be more fun than strangling my uncle's corpse during a game of Truth Or Dare at the New Jersey Necrophilia Club!! (26%)
d.) I'm so excited, I just shit on my dog! (25%)
Fuck yeah!!! Davey Mac, Pepper, Roy Shaffer, and Sean O's monthly show revolving around movies and television, The Watchers, is now up on iTunes!!! It's a free fucking download so subscribe to it already and have a good time!! In this episode the guys discuss: Dave's brilliance; 1999- the year in movies; over-rated actors; Roy Shaffer's controversial topics; Davey Mac is a genius; and more!!! Go to iTunes and subscribe and listen and fart and tinkle and love, baby!!!! Peace!!!
