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Today is February 29th, which means it is Leap Day! Yeeeehhaaaw! What do you plan to do?
a.) Play a game of LEAP-frog with Dad!! (29%)
b.) Write a poem on a frisbee as an ode to Leaping Lanny Poffo (32%)
c.) Party your ass off with today's official mascot- Leap Year Leonard!! Whooo!!!!!! (39%)
Back and forth, forever, dawg!! Dave and Pepper are gonna chop the dicks of Satellite Radio on Saturday, and then feed those dicks to hungry owls, who will then be so full they lose the ability to fly, and then are devoured by giant, dick-and-bird loving snakes!! The magic takes place Saturday on the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!! Tune it to to the Opie and Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) for some action so hard-core it will cause MAX Hardcore to state the following: "I thought I was hardcore. But after hearing Davey Mac's show on Sirius XM, I realize that I am a pussy. A crying, little-girl-in-a-man's-body, I-put-ice-cream-cones-in-my-ass-and-then-lick-them, God-Damn pussy."
*** Saturday's topics include: ***
* Phil Rizzuto resembled a field mouse and 10 other celebrities who look like animals
* 8 more fun places in a nursing home for you to hide feces!
* Best-selling author Richard Gulpie talks about his new book "I Cry When I Jerk Off!"
* Why we're still rooting for Joe Namath and Suzy Kolber to kiss each other.
* ...and then suck it.
* ...and, of course, fuck it.
* Special Correspondent Jimmy Belch discusses the new craze of fat, bald men duct-taping dolls to their asses called "Baldolling"
* Bob Costas re-iterates publicly (again) that he is NOT a midget
* We'll discuss the new Madden 2013 video game and show the secret Easter Eggs in the game (like how if you press A + B + A in the main menu, you can watch a clip of John Madden having a heart attack on Thanksgiving).
* And lastly Dr. Margaret Trugg will tell us why we should be drinking at least two cups of spittle a day!
So tune in Saturday to the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Sirius 206, XM 105 at 7 PM (EST)!!! Peace!!!
So I made my television acting debut last night on truTV, portraying an individual who is a chronic farter. What is next for me?
a.) Playing a guy who jizzes sporadically on VH1 Classic. (18%)
b.) Acting as a man who throws up intentionally on naughty children on MTV 2. (22%)
c.) Making a special appearance on the show "Jail" on Spike as Drunkard Number Two. (12%)
d.) Portraying a guy who fucks stuff on HBO. (48%)
(see the video here)
Tonight I make my acting debut on truTV, on the show "The World's Dumbest", at 9 PM (EST)!! How excited am I?!?!
a.) So excited that I've just farted! (32%)
b.) So incredibly excited that I've visited the grave of this hot girl from high school who died in a car crash and have spanked the jizz all over her headstone! Take THAT, Kelly! (33%)
c.) So ridiculously excited that I just gave a Roman Helmet to my pet cobra, Cocky. Does anyone have snake poison anecdote or some kind offfggf gglbdg bldgbdl.sdfsd ouch sdfsdfsdfdf.......................... (35%)
That's right. Sir Dame Dave McDonald will be giving the performance of a lifetime in one of the segments on the show "World's Dumbest", TONIGHT, on truTV at 9 PM (EST).
No offense to Misters Pacino, Nicholson, and De Niro respectively, but there is a New Dawg in the Actor's Pantheon. And that dawg's name be East Side Davey Mac McDonald. And after his acting debut on television tonight, this extraordinary thespian called "The Dave Man" will accept your apologies, pussies.
Hey Bobby Duvall- suck it. Mr. Oldman? Go fuck yourself. Hey, why so glum, Ed Harris? Oh, I know why- because Dr. Dave, Acting PHD, just fucked you in the ass, THAT'S why.
Don't be so sad, Kevin Spacey, your career was coming to an end anyway. It's not like they're gonna make K-Pax 2. However if they DO decide to make K-Pax 2, all they need to do is cast David McDonald in the lead; and then watch the critical acclaim and box office dollars flow like the jizzum of Peter North.
Hey Johnny Depp, go tell Tim Burton you can't work for him anymore- you're through, pal!! After Dave's performance on truTV tonight at 9 (EST), all "wacky" roles are to be sent to the Dave Man. Maybe see if you can get back into John Waters' good graces, Depp (the Dave Man don't do cult movies).
Dear Sean Penn, you better think of living in Haiti permanently, fella, because Hollywood is now Davey Mac Land.
So watch the Birth Of A Legend, David McDonald, Actor, tonight on "World's Dumbest" on truTV at 9 (EST). And for the last time, Hanks, stop crying about being overtaken by the Dave Man or Dave'll REALLY give you something to cry about, jerk!!!
That's right, people!! The Davey Mac Sports Program is back online after a one-week hiatus to recover from our various illnesses. Dave is stronger than ever after battling the jizz flu, Sean O has gotten over his cock cold, Roy has kicked his poo virus, and Pepper has finally gotten rid of his bad case of the fartles! Watch the magic LIVE on Ustream tonight at 7 PM (EST)!! Just go to the Ustream section of this here site!! And make sure you subscribe to the program on iTunes!! Personally speaking, I haven't felt this good since I killed those two missionaries in Mexico!! See you tonight!!!
I found a shitload of ear wax in my ears today. What should I do with it?
a.) Dispense of it in the garbage like a normal human being. (8%)
b.) Build the Castle of Ear Wax, home to Ear-Man, Master of the Uni-wax. (32%)
c.) Eat it a little of it. Come on, you know you want to. Just a little...to see what it tastes like. (26%)
d.) Put it on the top of your cock-head like a little comb-over/ear wax toupee; and then tell everyone your penis is named Dickald Clump, host of Celebrity Apprentwax. (34%)
Who is your favorite Beatle?
a.) Beatle John (22%)
b.) Beatle Paul (21%)
c.) Beetle Bailey (17%)
d.) Michelle Beadle (14%)
e.) Beetlejuice (26%)
Yeah, mother-fucker! The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is gonna take Sirius XM Satellite Radio this Saturday and put its head in a vice and squeeze the shit out of it until its fucking eye balls pop out!!! Listen to Davey Mac and Pepper rock the shit out of sports, pop culture, and bestiality in a show so good that it has compelled one of the suits at Sirius to actually call it "brilliant." Does that mean an increase in pay or more shifts? Of course not!! But it does make us kill it so hard each and every week that ten to sixteen people are left in critical condition when we are done!! We're gonna take some ice picks and shove 'em right in the balls of Satellite Radio so make sure you tune in Saturday to the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!! Topics shall include:
* Legendary announcer Brent Musburger and his long-time rival Kent MusHotdog
* Fozzie Bear- the sordid details of his hibernation relapse and prostitution charges
* Special Correspondent Dick Softee explains why you and your friend shouldn't staple your penises together
* LinSANITY- is it as good as Brian ScalaCRAZY???
* Touching strangers on the bus- we'll show you how much fun it can be!
* Best-selling author Morris Franklin discusses his new book- "Which One Of You Assholes Fucked My Mom?"
* Best-selling author Jim Herpil talks about his new novel- "I Just Fucked Morris' Mom"
* Pete Rose- the All-Time Shit King? Johnny Bench says Rose pooped 9 times a day!!
* Best-selling author Steve Clappy speaks about his new poetry collection: "Me & Jim Herpil Just Fingercuffed Morris' Mom and 87 Other Poems About That Middle-Aged Whore And Her Nerd-Pussy Son"
See ya guys on Saturday on Sirius XM for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!!
It's gonna be 53 degrees today in Jersey, in February! What should I do in this very temperate, if not warm, weather?
a.) Go jump in a lake. (23%)
b.) Go screw. (16%)
c.) Go suck on a lemon. (17%)
d.) Go fuck off. (14%)
Listen, I really am asking for your advice here. Enough with the negativity. Now let's try this again...what should I do in this fantastic weather?
e.) OK. Why don't you plan a nice picnic and when you're getting out the bread you could go fuck yourself. (30%)
Well, I can see we're getting nowhere with this kind of attitude. Have a great weekend, everyone!!!
Message to the Academy: save one of those Oscars, polish the shit out of it, and have it delivered to me personally by a naked, former Best Actress Winner (hopefully Kathy Bates). Because the world of acting will NEVER be the same after thespian-dynamo David McDonald makes his debut on actual television, Thursday, February 23rd, on truTV!!
The name of the show: "World's Dumbest" on truTV
Date & Time: Thursday, Feb. 23, at 9:00 PM (EST).
I will NOT be one of the people who comment; that honor goes to the likes of Danny Bonaduce and Tonya Harding. No. Instead, I will be acting in one of their bits. I cannot tell you much more. The secrecy of our brilliance must be shrouded in mystery until airtime, like the JFK assassination...or Axl Rose's Chinese Democracy... incidentally, both of which have sold over 500,000 copies.
I will say that the segment has to do with farting. I, being a student of the Method, trained for my role by eating exactly what I would normally eat every fucking day. It was drudgery, I tells ya. It took a tole on my personal life when I farted on my mom's 71st birthday cake. "Now THAT'S how you blow out those fucking candles," I confidently said to my horrified family. Needless to say, I have been told that I will not be invited to any more family gatherings.
So watch me dominate the World Of Television, Thurday the 23rd, on truTV at 9 PM, homies!!! Here's a link to the show! Peace!
Yessirreedaddy! Due to the fact that the entire show is down with some sort of disease stemming from the Dark Ages, we will not be doing the podcast this week. I am going to take this time off to have the seven, bursting, Medieval boils on my forehead removed by the local Wizard.
However, we WILL be ready to kick the fucking ASS out of Satellite Radio on Saturday! The Davey Mac Sports Program XL will most certainly be LIVE! Tune to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) on Saturday for "The Greatest Show Ever Conjured! Cadabra!" - Merlin
We will be back on iTunes most definitely next Wednesday so subscribe to the show and have fun! And we'll see you every Saturday on Sirius XM! Two different shows, one Davey Mac! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and poop out small, dead, 12 Century rats who I'm pretty sure have infected me with some kind of Ancient Rodent Herpes! Good day!
I'm still not sleeping well and still have the diarrhea. Do I have food poisoning?
a.) Either that...or ass poisoning!! Hahahaha! (12%)
b.) My diagnosis is that it's no so much stomach nausea as it is ass nausea!! Hahaha!! Bam! Got ya, Davey!! (18%)
c.) Here's what you should do, David, get some rest and drink some ginger ASS!! Hahaha!!! Get it?!?! Instead of ginger ALE!! Ha! I fucking nailed you with THAT one, David!!! (31%)
d.) Seriousy, though get some Pepto Bismol and take it easy...or rather...
...take it ASSY!!!!! Hahahahaha!!! We got you, Dave Man!!! We got you real good-like!! Yeeehhhaaaww!!!! (39%)
I feel sick to my stomach and I only slept an hour. What is wrong with me?
a.) You have a little bug that's going around, David. (37%)
b.) Maybe you shouldn't eat two Burger King double-burgers for breakfast, a reasonable lunch of two sleeves of Fig Newtons for lunch, and an XL Pete & Elda's thin-crust pizza (so that you win a free T-shirt) for dinner. And then you stay up to watch Linsanity and you dance like a God-Damned school girl when he hits the game-winning shot, mixing all that garbage into one poisonous barf bag that you call a fucking stomach, you shitting freak!!!! (63%)
Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses)
It's Valentine's Day! What are you planning to do for your sweetheart?
a.) Chocolates (11%)
b.) I won't get too drunk tonight. OK, I will, but I definitely won't puke (actually I can't promise that either). (15%)
c.) Less farting. (30%)
d.) I working on a special poem...does anyone know a word that rhymes with cum-face? (28%)
e.) I haven't had a date in years...fuck you, Davey Mac. Fuck you royal. (16%)
Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses)
I'm going to bring my kids to see Star Wars: Episode I in 3-D today! Which parts, if any, should tell them to cover their eyes?
a.) No parts- the movie is family friendly. (25%)
b.) The Darth Maul parts. (8%)
c.) Every single second that Jar-Jar Binks is onscreen. (15%)
d.) Actually, the little kid playing Anakin is even worse. (15%)
e.) The whole movie is garbage, David. (14%)
f.) Screw it, just take them to miniature golf instead. (23%)
Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses)
Feb. 5, 2012- I am in Indianapolis for the mother-fucking Super Bowl to watch my New York Football Giants beat the Patriots. Bam!
Feb. 7, 2012- I return to my morning radio show on 90.5 The Night where I destroy terrestrial radio with my awesomeness. Boom!
Feb. 7, 2012- I attend the Giants Super Bowl Parade in NYC's Canyon of Heroes with the family. Blang!
Feb. 8, 2012- I dominate iTunes with another killer Davey Mac Sports Program. Blab!!
Feb. 10, 2012- I rock the shit out of Roseland with Gun 'N' Roses. Blowzaa!!
Feb. 11, 2012- I murder the shit out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio with the glorious Davey Mac Sports Program XL! Bleeeeep!
Feb. 12, 2012- I win 6 Grammy Awards, including Record of the Year. Bladele!!!
Feb. 13, 2012- I take my two and three-year-old kids to see Star Wars: Episode I in 3-D. Blanakin!!!
What a fucking week!!!! Bllllluuurch!!!!!
Yes you do!! Don’t even try to deny it!!! Well then, be prepared for Dave, Pepper, Roy Shaffer and company as they fuck the shit out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday!!! It’s the Davey Mac Sports Program XL, LIVE on Saturday, at 7 PM (EST) on the Opie & Channel- Sirius 206, XM 105!! We shall leave no one alive when we are done with the show!! Men, Women, children, small animals, large insects, medium-sized birds, microscopic sharks, invisible dragons, over-sized midgets, and elves made of pre-cum shall all be SLAIN due to our radio dominance and kick-ass-edness!!! Topics include:
* Licorice- don’t put it in your butt.
* Peyton & Eli Manning: have they surpassed the Gibbs as the world’s favorite Football & Disco brothers?
* Thom Yorke- it’s pronounced Tom…not thhhhhom!!
* Does your cat piss on you? We’ll teach you the five, easy steps to choke him out if he does!!
* Snot bubbles- cheaper than store-bought bubbles and twice as fun!!
* Special editorial by correspondent Bill Shitts on why Duke’s head basketball coach should make it easier on the rest of us and legally change his name to “Coach K” from Mike Krzyzewkichewbaccafagabeefyvoltrangronkowski.
* Teeth- who needs ‘em anyway?
See ya Saturday for the greatest collision of sports and pop culture since our last show last week!! It’s the Davey Mac Sports Program XL, on Sirius 206, XM 105, LIVE at 7 PM (EST)!! Peace!!
I'm seeing Guns 'N' Roses at Roseland tonight! What do you think will happen?
a.) Slash will re-unite with W. Axl Rose. (12%)
b.) Either Duff of Izzy will get on stage. (18%)
c.) I will throw up on the guy in front of me, on cue, when the opening riff to Mr. Brownstone begins. (22%)
d.) The guy in front of me will then punch me in the nose. (23%)
e.) I will apologize to the guy...and when the drums to Paradise City kick in...I shall puke on him again and flee. (25%)
Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses)
I feel sick today. Someone told me I am just run down from commuting to New York from New Jersey the last two days, and flying to Indianapolis and back before that. Do you agree with that "someone"?
a.) Yes, David. You are run down.
b.) No, Davey Mac. You are not run down. You just have a new case of Super Bowl Killer Measles that will rapidly spread throughout the Northeast, killing millions.
c.) Maybe you have a new, unknown virus- we could call it Cummy's Disease (you know...for fun).
d.) Fuck this "someone", Dave!! They don't deserve the spit we use for expectorating on naughty children!!!
Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses)
