Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!


Nicklaus to Tiger- “Get your ass in gear, punk!” (3/5/13)


It’s your March Fifth Davey Mac Report and sometimes I think the media is asleep.  Recently, Jack Nicklaus was asked if he still thinks that Tiger Woods will break his all-time major championships record of 18.  This is what Nicklaus said:

“I still think he can do it.  But that said, he has still got to do it. He hasn’t won one in five years. He had better get with it if he’s going to.”

Now, the odd thing is that my fellow sports writers and commentators are saying that this means Nicklaus is “backing” Tiger.  This is why you need the “Most Untrusted and Most Likely To Steal From Your House”-name in sports, Sir David McDonald, to give you the real shit.  Nicklaus pointed out that Tiger hasn’t won a major in half a decade.  Nicklaus also put added Pressure on Tiger by saying that he better get to winning already for fuck’s sake.  This is big-time smack talk from Nicklaus…this ain’t fucking “support”!!!  And yet, all I read and heard regarding this quote was how Jack “is behind” Tiger.  Yeah, he’s behind him…by fucking him in the ass!!!  Yeeehhhaaaww!!  He’s got the big Golden Bear dick straight up Tiger and is calling him racially insensitive names while he’s doing it!!  Oh, I know what you’re doing, Nicklaus, you ruthless bastard!!  You’re sick, old man, with all your Tiger sodomy and then bragging about it to your Kountry Klub Klan about how you took the “chocolate man” down a peg or two and the sports media was to stupid to realize it!!!  I’m on to you, Nicklaus!!!!!

Jack and TigerNo good


For the first time in school history, the former March Madness underdog sweethearts, the Gonzaga Bulldogs, are now the number one team in the nation.  And for the second time in my history, poop seems to be leaking from my dick-hole.

ZagsDave Is Sick


After getting a new deal from the Ravens worth 20 million bucks a year over six years, Baltimore QB Joe Flacco says he now feels “respected.”  Flacco then celebrated his lucrative contract by ordering a ten-piece box of Chicken McNuggets in a Maryland suburb.  That’s a shitload of contradictions, Joe.  You’re kinda like W. Axl Rose, singing about “Patience” onstage in St. Louis while simultaneously slapping the shit out of some fan.  You better not tangle with Tommy Hilfiger, Joe Flacco, ’cause it was reported that he kicked Axl’s ass.  And that ridiculous encounter has embarrassed us Guns ‘N’ Roses worshipers ever since.  You wouldn’t want to embarrass us, would you, Joe?  I hope not.  Say it ain’t so, Joe, say it ain’t so…

Flacco McD'sTommy Guns


The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Dwyane Wade of the Heat who had 32 points, 10 assists and seven rebounds as Miami beat the T-Wolves- 97 to 81.  We get it already- the Heat are really good, and have really good players.  Enough, for shit’s sake.  Let’s talk about something else…like scientifically creating a new breed of squirrel that has a miniaturized human butt growing on his forehead.  Let’s talk about THAT.


We’ll see ya later, Dave Pound!!  The next Davey Mac Report will be on Thursday because tomorrow morning, the Dave Man has a big audition with MTV for a part on a show he most likely won’t get!!  Peace!!

-Dave (3/5/13)