It’s your February Twenty-Fifth Davey Mac Report and the Oscar for BEST PICTURE goes to…
…Argo? Seriously? Don’t get me wrong, I saw the movie, and liked it for that matter, but being named the BEST of the year? I don’t think so. I found Argo to be a little cutesy at times, and too much in love with itself. It was as if while the film was rolling, everyone involved in making Argo was farting with pride and smelling each other’s fingers because they knew they had made a good movie. But hey, who am I to differ with the Academy? Except when they gave the Oscar to The English Patient over Fargo…or Titanic over L.A. Confidential…or Dances With Wolves over fucking Goodfellas…fucking cunty Shakespeare In Love over Saving Private Ryan…or “fat-and-skinny-sluts singing” aka Chicago over Gangs of New York…or Crash over fucking ANYTHING!!! What say you, Academy?!?! You sons of bitches!!! You take those golden statues and shove them straight up your asses, and then remove ‘em from said asses, lick the statues like they’re lollipops, shove ‘em back in the asses, and REPEAT!!! I’ll get you for this, Academy, if it’s the last fucking thing I do!!!!
What else can you say about Ben Affleck, the director of Argo. He basically has turned around and shit on all of the people who gave the credit to Matt Damon for writing Good Will Hunting. The fact that O’Bannion has a Best Picture Oscar and Damon was recently in We Bought A Zoo tips the scales firmly in Affleck’s favor. Of course, the last time Ben won an Oscar, he went on a nine-year binge of SHITTY movies and appearances at Fenway for Red Sox batting practice. Thus, expect Affleck to star in the following questionable films:
* Space Monkeys
* Fart Time: The Movie
* Armageddon 2
* Space Mice
* Butts Are Bigger When Ripe
* Dude, Where’s My Dildo?
* Chocolate Poo/Vanilla Pee
Daniel Day-Lewis won the Oscar for Best Actor. Deservedly so. I really did feel like I was watching Abraham Lincoln walking around, telling high-pitched stories, scratching his head a lot like some bipolar sufferer with lice, thinking to himself “I wish I could just take a shovel and slam Mary Todd over the fucking head with it already to shut that Godforsaken fucking mouth of hers”, staring longingly at Union soldiers’ cock areas, and being an overall weird son of a bitch in general. Congrats, Daniel!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Jimmie Johnson, who won the Daytona 500 yesterday. #WhoFuckingCares
Later, Dave Pound!