Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 4)

  I was sick all weekend with the shits and pukes.  Why does this happen to me?

a.) Because you're a child of Satan, Davey Mac!!  You and that Satanic red hair of yours are lucky you're not barfing feces 24/7, 365, you fucking monster!!! (26%)

b.) It's probably your diet, David.  You should probably stop eating the apples that I've poisoned in hopes of killing you and inheriting your puppets. (24%)

c.) First thing I'd STOP doing is drinking water out of the public toilets, Dave Man, and chasing it with POO!! (23%)

d.) You should bottle your throw-up and sell it on the black market as "East Side Dave's Bubonic Plague Juice". (27%)

Pictures from the RiotCast.com Night of Comedy!

  We had a great time.  Here are the pics.  Watch the set in the Video Gallery on this site.

Dave doing uncomfortable stand-up.

Rich Vos, Bob Kelly, Dave, and Luis Gomez.

Dave yelling at himself.

Pepper & Dave- chuckling at something.

Dave wondering how he got involved in this.

Sirius XM Satellite Radio: David will be there on Saturday. Pepper will be there, too. You? Will you be there? You fucking BETTER be!!! (3/1/13)

 

The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is gonna fuck some SERIOUS microphone-ass this Saturday (March 2) on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  LIVE at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Go to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206/XM 105) for the broadcast!!  Topics for the show shall include:

* Reverend Malcolm Charlie talks about his new book, "Satan Has A Small Dick...And I'm A-Gonna Chop It Off"

* America's favorite reality TV garbage men, the Teetle Brothers (Duncan & Sherman), discuss the time they were trying to sign up for a loan and somehow nearly joined Al-Queda

* Chocolate Harry stops by to chat about his newest adventure- "Chocolate Harry & The Cum Swap"

* Delaware's greatest folk singers, The Fart Gang, performs their number one hit song, "Daddy's Burying Mommy In The Backyard"

* And magician Dudley Pork does his best trick- "Making The IRS Who Audited Me Disappear With This Switchblade"

See you homies Saturday on Sirius XM!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 1)

  It's the first day of March!!!  Let the fun begin!!

a.) Wooo-hoooo, Davey Mac!!  I'm gonna take my shotgun and shoot my Aunt Jennie in the foot with it!!! (25%)

b.) I do not care about the months, David.  The only thing I feel passionate about is sucking my pet porcupine Rocky's tits. (23%)

c.) I'm so excited, Dave Man, that I've just farted on my newborn baby's face thrice!!! (25%)

d.) East Side Dave, you're jerking off as you're tallying the pole votes, aren't you... (27%)

This week's Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) is ready to be suckled!! Get it now and suckle!!!

 

Why, YES, homies and home-ettes!!  This week's Oscar-winning episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program is NOW up on on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!!  Subscribe and download it for free and enjoy!!  Dave talks about getting ready to perform stand-up comedy for the first time in his life; Roy Shaffer is suspected of being on drugs; Pepper hides a body; Sean O inadvertently sets off World War III by spilling beer on his computer; and much, much more!!  Hear the show NOW!!  If you'll excuse us, we have to lick all the grapes and put them back in the aisle at Shop Rite!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 28)

 

I made my stand-up debut on Tuesday at the RiotCast Night of Comedy at The Stand in New York City (the footage of the set is in the Video Gallery of this site).  How do you think it went?

a.) It went AWESOME, Dave Man!!!  At least, that's what my sock puppet Ralphie is telling me!!  Ralphie is also telling me that I should do more acid now!!  Later!! (29%)

b.) I did NOT like it, David.  There weren't any jokes about me and my new obsession of baking pies in the shapes of big, hard, dicks. (4%)

c.) I LOVED it, Davey Mac!!!  I've jerked off to it, er, I mean watched it three times already!!  I've got so much jizz on my keyboard now!! (36%)

d.) East Side Dave, you make me so happy I've decided to kidnap my third-grade gym teacher, Mr. Waters, and stick push-pins on his dick. (31%)

Davey Mac- TONIGHT onstage at the RiotCast.com Night of Comedy! (2/26/13)

  TONIGHT at The Stand in NYC, Dave will be performing onstage at the RiotCast.com Night of Comedy (also featuring Bob Kelly, Rich Vos, Jim Flourentine, and others)!!  It will surely be one of the worst sets of stand-up in the history of comedy specifically and the world in general!!  Expect nothing!!  BUT, there will be BOOZE there!!  So what do you have to lose?!  Go to RiotCast.com for more details!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 26)

 

TONIGHT at The Stand in NYC, I shall be performing onstage at the RiotCast.com Night of Comedy (also featuring Bob Kelly, Rich Vos, Jim Flourentine, and others)!!  Are you coming?

a.) Sorry, Dave Man!!  I have an appointment with my doctor!!  The two of us are gonna eat a shitload of prescription pills and then rob a gas station!!  Yeeeehhaaww!! (24%)

b.) I do not like going outdoors, David, so I'm afraid I will not be in attendance.  I'll be at home, crazy-gluing pieces of a Mr. Potato Head to my dick instead. (23%)

c.) I'll be there, Davey Mac!!!  I'm coming with my cousin, Meth'ed-Out Mike, so don't be offended if my cousin assaults you while on stage!!  It's his "way" of saying hi!! (27%)

d.) I'm still in the hospital after slicing off my nipples and putting them on a pizza, Dave. (26%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 25)

 

Can you believe that Argo won the Oscar for Best Picture last night?

a.) I didn't see it, Dave Man.  The only movie I went to this year was Transformers 3.   Or was that last year?  Aw hell, time flies by when you're on a half-decade booze-and-Whip-Its binge!! (27%)

b.) I don't watch the Academy Awards, David.  I don't believe in judging art.  I only believe in blowing up cats and putting their body parts in my neighbors' mailboxes. (24%)

c.) I thought Lincoln was MUCH better, Dave Man!!  I especially liked the part where the President decapitated a vampire and then started jerking off!!! (23%)

d.) I thought Spaceballs should have won. (26%)

Davey Mac & Peppy Ham- ready to explode on Saturday on Sirius XM!!! Witness!!! (2/22/13)

 

It's on like King Of Kong, daddy!!  Only there will be no Steve Wiebe or Brian Kuh diddling each other and spitting saliva all over their faces!!  No!!  Instead, it will be East Side Dave and Pepper on Sirius XM Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  LIVE on Saturday at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Go to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the NON-spitting but PRO-shitting action!!  Topics for the show shall include:of

* Big time comedian and Tru TV veteran Mike Trainor will be in to yell and hurt the feelings small animals!

* World-famous sex therapist Theresa Fowler discusses her new self-help book, Patrick Ewing Jizzed In My Eye And Blinded Me For Three Days

* Squirrels- they'd be a lot cuter if we stapled little George Washington wigs to their heads

* We'll give you the six easy steps on how to properly fart on your dad while he's napping!

* Former major league shortstop Terry Chuckies talks about his new memoir, Sometimes I Wish I Could Throw My Wife And All Her Belongings Down A Well That Was On Fire And Had Bitch-Eating Crocodiles In It

* 1960's political activist Reggie Tuffman chats about the movie based on his life- Vietnam Is Making My Dick Fall Off

We'll see you Saturday on Sirius XM!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 22)

 

Tonight I'm going to IHOP to see Mario.  What should I say to him?

a.) Davey Mac, you should ask him why he looks so much like my creepy relative- Cousin Pedophile!! (25%)

b.) Don't go near him, David.  I once caught him spying on my mother while she took a bath...oh wait...that was me...never mind... (24%)

c.) You should tell Mario that he's a fucking liar, Dave!!  He AND that druggie brother of his, Luigi!!  Those two fuckers still owe me TWO G's from an acid deal that went wrong!!! (25%)

d.) Sometimes I paint and dress up my dick to make it look like Yoshi, Diddy.  (26%)

Listen to this week's killer episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program! NOW available on RiotCast.com & iTunes! (2/21/13)

 

You know, when I sit down and write on this website, which I do often, I sometimes think to myself, "Dave Man, why did you glue coat buttons to your soft penis again?  You know you're going to have to now pour boiling hot water on your privates in order to remove the buttons.  And then you will have burned and disfigured your cock area (yet again).  Why, David, do you do this?  Also, Davey, please stop putting your own semen on the space bar on the family computer.  It is disgusting."

Anyway, this week's episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) is NOW up on on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!!  Subscribe and download it for free and enjoy!!  Dave promises NOT to put jizz on your computer if you do!!  Thanks!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 21)

Do you still watch American Idol?  I'm afraid to admit that I still do...

a.) That's because you're an A-Grade pussy, Davey Mac!!  Now lay down so I can lick you up and down and all around, pussy boy!! (24%)

b.) Don't be embarrassed, David.  I still like Idol, too.  I also enjoy dipping pigeons in butter and putting them in my ass. (25%)

c.) Shit, I'm too fucked up to watch TV, Davey Mac!!  The moonshine-cyanide cocktails and pot/frozen-carbon-dioxide brownies are really kicking my ass!!  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call 9-1-1.  Adios.  (25%)

d.) I do not own a television, Dave.  I live in a wooden cabin where we only have running water and a fire fueled by throwing dead midgets on it. (26%)

The Dave Man and homies shall bird-dog the Ustream HARD this evening, oh yes we will!! (2/20/13)

 

Come on and DANCE, brotha's and sista's!!  Because the day is Wednesday and it is the Davey Mac Sports Program!  LIVE on the Internets!!  Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, for the broadcast!!  Enjoy David, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer as they love you TWICE on the show!!  That's right!!  You heard us right!!  You come to the program tonight, and we will love you HARD...then take a fifteen minute break...and love you AGAIN!!  Yeah!!  You know you want that love!!  Well, you're gonna get it BIG TIME!! Oh yeah, baby!!  We gonna love you FEROCIOUS-like!!  See you this evening!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 20)

  We went to see the excellent Patrice O'Neal benefit last night!  Great show!  Who was your favorite comedian?  (pictured below)

a.) Colin Quinn (17%)

b.) Jim Norton (17%)

c.) Bob Kelly (17%)

d.) Buddy Peppers (16%)

e.) Rufus Smalley (15%)

f.) Eric Roberts (18%)

RIP, Patrice!!

David & Pepper- chuckling and tickling LIVE on Sirius XM on Saturday!! Weeeeeeeee!!!

 

It's ON, turkeys!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  Tune it to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, for a mind-blowingly happy time that will make you more euphoric than Rachel Ray on Ecstasy!!  Topics for the show include:

* TV psychiatrist, Dr. Hank, discusses his new memoir- "In Order To Quiet My Wife, I Sometimes Tie Her To The Radiator And Fart On Her Face"

* We give you the Six Easy Steps on how to jump out from behind your mailbox and choke out your mailman without him knowing any fucking better!

* Milk- it looks a little like jizz, doesn't it?

* World-class pogo-stick jumper, Marty Plum, talks about the time he pushed his rival, Jimmy Flank, off his stick and into a vat of flesh-eating acid

* Jimmy Flank drops by to chat about his autobiography- "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!  My Face Is Melting!!!"

* And Dave & Pepper engage in a fun "Who can shove the most peanut M&M's in their dick-hole" contest!

It's gonna be fun!  See you Saturday evening!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 15)

  Who was your favorite judge on American Idol?  (pictured below)

a.) Simon Cowell (19%)

b.) Paula Abdul (16%)

c.) Johnny Beefton (21%)

d.) Tiffany Blurples (24%)

e.) Tony Fantastica (20%)

This week's EPIC Davey Mac episode is available!! Listen to it NOW!! (2/14/13)

 

Be forewarned, Dave Pound!!  This week's episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) is so fucking great that it is seriously possible that you will involuntarily shove a knife into your anus or the anus of a small animal that you love!  It's a special Valentine's Day episode and it's available NOW on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!!  Download the shit for free and enjoy!!  The guys talk about The Godfather movies, Mike Francesa's weekly fuck-up, lies, deceits, love, temptation, murder, and MORE!!  Plus, a special performance of "Home Sweet Home" and Dave's ode to Bruce Springsteen are done!!  It's a show so damned awesome that as we are writing this, we are delicately putting our privates on the heads of our puppets!  GO to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes NOW for the show!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 14)

  Happy Valentine's Day!  What do you have planned?

a.) I'm gonna get liquored up and fart on my wife's head, Davey Mac!!  Wooo-hoooo!! (25%)

b.) I don't have a valentine (again) this year, David.  That's why I'll be staying home and jerking off my pet pigeon Rocky. (24%)

c.) I plan on taking my sweetie out to the movies and forcing her at gunpoint to give me a hand-job!!  Love is in the air!! (26%)

d.) I just pissed myself. (25%)

Davey Mac & Company- ready to FUCK it this evening on Ustream! (2/13/13)

 

YES, you wonderful sons of bitches!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is gonna ride the lighting and fuck the thunder, LIVE, this evening!!  Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, for the broadcast!!  Join David, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer as they chat about who fucking knows what!!  Honestly!!  The Super Bowl is now long gone!!  There is no damned baseball going on!!  March Madness is still a month away!!  We have no idea what we are gonna fucking do!!!  Help!!!  Anyway, see you this evening, babies!!