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Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 22)

  Do you think people are taking these polls seriously?

a.) I take these polls about as seriously as I take a nice, hot candle in the ass, Dave Man!!  Ooooohhhhh!!! (23%)

b.) I take them very seriously, David.  I like to vote in the polls right before I draw a unicorn on my fore-head and take a shit in a supermarket (aisle seven). (26%)

c.) I'm not sure what the word "seriously" means, Dave.  Does it have something to do with choking a monkey?  If so, then the answer is "yes." (24%)

d.) I just wish I owned a firemen's poll.  I'd like to slide down it nude while my stuffed animals watched on. (27%)

 

Davey Mac & Pepper- LIVE this Saturday on Sirius XM!! And they'll have snacks and guns for the first ten callers!

  FUCK YEAH!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE this Saturday at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  Just tune to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the weirdness!!!  Call us at 866-WOW-1-WOW!!  Listen as Davey Mac & Pepper destroy the FUCK out of the WORLD!!!  Topics for the show include:

* The Meatball Gang (Franz, Butch & Timothy) talk about their hysterical new documentary- "The Meatball Gang Abducts Another Lebanese Woman And Sells Her To South Americans"

* Pete Rose stops by again and gets bitten on the dick...by Dave?  Or Pepper?  A mystery ensues!!!

* George Hamilton plugs his new tanning cream called Ouch, My Face Hurts!

* Rex Ryan is forced at gunpoint to eat a live animal that's been dipped in apple sauce

* Country star, Calvin Tickle, sings his new song "Red, White & Blue- Let's Fuck Up 'Dem Canadians"

* And the Murphy Brothers, Choco & Van, talk about their new reality show on TLC- Someone Put Sticks In Our Asses

See you guys Saturday on Sirius XM!!!

 

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 19)

  What are you going to do tonight?

a.) Partay 'till my DICK EXPLODES, Dave Man!!  Drink-drink-drink-and-OUCH!!!!  My dick just exploded!!!  This was a mistake!!  Ahhhhhhh!!!!! (26%)

b.) I am gonna have a nice, quiet evening of reading and silently choking out my neighbor's pets, David. (25%)

c.) I have no IDEA what I'm gonna do!!!  I just got shot in the ass by a cop!!  That's what I get for rubbing up against old people in the park!! (24%)

d.) I think I'm gonna have a fun night of lighting my face on fire. (25%)

 

This week's Davey Mac online show is ready to be touched by YOU!!! Enjoy!!!

  Damn straight, jelly beans!!  This week's episode of the number one independent sports show on the Internet, the Davey Mac Sports Program, is NOW up on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  It's a FREE download and it rocks the dick HARD!!  Join Dave, Pepper, Sean O & Roy Shaffer as we discuss all of the A-Rod nonsense, we play a voice message from Dave's upset mother, and we perform a special Primus song just for YOU!!  It's shit so good that it doesn't even stink!!  How about THAT?!  So go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for an adventure more fun than getting licked in the ass by a dwarf!!  Peace!!

 

Davey Mac, Pepper, Sean O & Roy pump it LIVE this evening on Ustream!

  Yeah, homies!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program (aka the most beautiful thing anyone can see outside of Thom Yorke's right eye...or is it his left eye...I don't know...they BOTH creep me out) is LIVE this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Join David, Pepper, Sean O & Roy Shaffer as they sacrifice a small animal, a small person, and a small pizza LIVE on the air!!  BAM!!

 

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 17)

  Does anything even matter anymore?

a.) Fuck yeah, Dave Man!!!  I just bought a new power saw!!  It's dick-chopping time!!  Tally-hooooooooooo!!!!!! (24%)

b.) No.  No, it does not, David.  My pet turtle, Col. Sparkplug, just died.  Now who am I gonna fuck? (25%)

c.) I don't know what this poll is referring to Davey Mac and I don't care!!  I just found twenty dollars on the sidewalk!!  Time to get a Samoan, midget, drunk, blind, one-legged hooker!! (25%)

d.) Yes, things matter, Dave.  After all, I just farted in a cup. (26%)

 

Poll-verizing (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 16)

  Is marriage a mistake?

a.) No!  Marriage isn't a mistake, Dave Man!!  Sticking your dick next to a lawn mower blade is a fucking mistake!!!  Owwwwwwwww!!!!! (25%)

b.) I don't think marriage is necessarily a mistake; it's being in the same house with a fucking psychopath who has destroyed your life which is the mistake!!! (26%)

c.) Marriage is GREAT, Davey Mac!  I got hitched to my brother's mother last week and---wait...I married my mom?!?!?!  Ahhhhhhhh!!! (25%)

d.) I don't believe in mistakes, David.  I only believe in jerking off on my dog's head. (24%)

 

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 15)

  I think my car is going to break down soon.  What should I do?

a.) If your car is about to die, Dave Man, do what I always do...drive that thing straight into a bus of old people on their way to Atlantic City!!!  Yeeeeeeeeee!!!! (24%)

b.) Maybe you could trade it in for a new car, David.  Preferably one with lots of dried cum stains on it. (25%)

c.) You should get a motorcycle, Davey Mac!!!  You should ALSO get a little dog that you could name Hector and the two of you could go on adventures together and lick each other and kiss each other and, boy, I think the LSD is kicking in!! (25%)

d.) Cars are for suckers, Diddy.  I like to walk when I'm on the move.  I just get up and go to the first women's bathroom that I see and set up a hidden webcam so that I can put video of girls peeing online!  Boom! (26%)

 

Poll-verizing! (Dave poll of the Day- Oct. 12)

  What do you say...should we do this?!  I say- Let's Do's This!!!

a.) Fuck yeah, Dave Man!!!  Just let me get the piranhas and jizz-lube and human cage and butterscotch and shackles and toothpaste and poison darts!!!  Sounds like a great fucking time ahhhhhahahahahahaha!!!! (25%)

b.) David, today's poll is vague and confusing.  Having said that, I'm interpreting your poll to mean that you want me to help you kidnap a C-List celebrity and lock him/her in your basement while we force-feed him/her ice cream cake.  My choice- Mr. Anthony Michael Hall.  Is that what you meant, David...I hope it is. (26%)

   c.) I'll do whatever you want, Davey Mac!!!  Especially if it has something to do with fucking animals!! (25%)

d.) I can't WAIT to "do's this", Dave!  I just need to clean my dick-hole first!! (24%)

 

Davey Mac and Peppy- LIVE & Giggling on Sirius XM this Saturday at 7 PM EST, 4 Pacific!

  As Randy "Macho Man" Savage said- Oooooooh yeaaaahhh!!  The glorious Davey Mac Sports Program XL chugs along this Saturday like a choo-choo train that runs on beer and farts!!  "East Side" Dave McDonald, fresh off his emergency medical procedure (he had a mouse surgically attached to his ass), will be ready to rock!!  Chris "Pepper" Stanley, released from Queens Prison (he raped a balloon), will be ready to roll!!  And we want YOU to join the magic!!  Tune in this Saturday to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Call in at 866-WOW-1-WOW!  Topics for the show shall include:

* Peanuts- it's weird that we eat a food that has the word "pee" and "nut" in it...it's kinda gross when you think about it...

* Dave & Pepper interview Pete Rose and then chop his arms off

* Legendary game show host, Guy Parlington (from TV's "The Eight Thousand Dollar Chair"), discusses his new memoir- I Drugged Two Of The Prize Girls On My Show And Then Had Sex With Their Mouths While They Were Passed Out Behind The Eight Thousand Dollar Chair

* Famous cat trainer, Jorge Alvarez, discusses his controversial cat-training method which he calls- "Beating Your Cat With A Wooden Spoon"

* Cheese- has anyone ever choked to death on it?  This should be an episode on House.

* And golfer Franz MacIntyre talks about the time he ate a golf ball while on acid and drew racist pictures of Tiger Woods

We'll see you homies on Saturday!!!

 

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 11)

  Today's date is 10-11-12!!!  Isn't that CRAZY?!?!

a.) No crazier than the time I ate my grand-mother, Dave Man!!!  Ahhh-hahahaha!!! (25%)

b.) David, you always think things that are quite ordinary are peculiar.  The truth is, most things in life are very normal.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to check on my penis...which I've chopped off and am currently boiling with some peeled potatoes.  Good day. (26%)

c.) Dates and numbers are so fucked up, Davey Mac!!  I remember last year it was 11/11/11 and on that day I start having sex with my rabbit, Hercules!!!  WEIRD!!! (24%)

d.) Time is just a figment of your imagination, Dave.  Or so I like to think as I'm presently on strong acid.  By the way, Dave, when did you replace your head with a giant ice cream cone? (25%)

 

This week's Davey Mac and Paul Simon Tribute show is now up and MUST be heard! Now!!!

  That's right, dogsies!!  After learning on Twitter from, quite frankly, some very suspicious and unreliable sources that Paul Simon has gone missing...the Davey Mac Sports Program runs with it and does a special Paul Simon Tribute show anyway!!!  Listen to this week's very touching episode NOW on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!!  Hear us as we pray for the safe return of Paul Simon; plus call Mike Francesa fat; plus-plus suspect that ESPN's Cris Carter might be on crack again!!  It's a good one!!  Don't be embarrassed to shed a tear as I MYSELF am currently crying...but that's only because someone put a switch-blade into my dick-hole!!  So go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes RIGHT NOW for the free download!!  Peace!!!

 

David McDonald and his Ensemble of Drugged-Out Magicians are LIVE tonight at 7 PM EST on Ustream! Bring The Magic!

  Yes, ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls and hobbits and ewoks!  The Davey Mac Sports Program, AKA "The most wonderful thing that's ever existed" - as quoted by random drunken man #4 who was paid five bucks to say that, is LIVE this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  WATCH the show in all its chicken-fuck glory!!!  View "East Side" Davey Mac as he climbs an elephant's cock!!  Witness Chris "Pepper" Stanley leap through the terrifying Ring Of Jizz!!  Observe Sean O attempt to set the record for most Beer-Shits taken in an hour!!!  And see Roy Shaffer beat a python to death with his keyboard!!!  It's gonna be grrrrrrrreat!!!  We'll see you this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Peace!!!

 

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 10)

  I think I may be coming down with a cold or something...is it flu season?

a.) No...but it is POO Season, Dave Man!!  And I've just SHIT all over this damned poll!!!  Hahahahahaha!!! (25%)

b.) I think I'm coming down with something, too, David.  I really have to stop fucking AIDS corpses every second Thursday of the Month. (24%)

c.) I have the sniffles as well, Davey Mac!!!  I really need to stop shoving my nose into penguin asses every third Wednesday of the Month!!! (25%)

d.) I feel fit as a fiddle, Dave!  Although, I did recently blow up a pet store because a voice named "Pee Pee Peter" told me to!!  What, Pee Pee?  You want me to blow up the computer of whoever is reading this shit?!  OK!!  BOOOOM!!! (26%)

 

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 8, 2012)

  This is the new James Holmes (the Aurora, CO shooter) Halloween mask that was on sale on eBay.  What do you think?

 

a.) I am offended!!!  His hair is even redder than YOURS, Dave Man, you ginger freaks!! (24%)

b.) I would NEVER wear a mask of someone who actually MURDERED people.  That's wrong.  Having said that, has anyone seen my Hitler mustache and wig?  What?  Hitler just ORDERED people to be killed!!!  It's a BIG difference!!! (25%)

c.) Maybe I'll wear it and go on a shooting spree and then get arrested and while in jail they put a Halloween mask of MY face out, wearing James Homes' face, and then some guy puts THAT mask on and goes on another shooting spree and on and on and on!!  Like some kind of sick, automatic-weapon, Ummagumma thing!!! (26%)

d.) I'd rather they make a mask of a fart.  That would be cool.  I'd wear that shit. (25%)

 

 

 

 

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 5)

  Do you want to be friends with me?

a.) SURE, Dave Man!  But first I have to bury my sister alive for breaking my X-Box!!  Bitch!!! (25%)

b.) I don't have any time for friendship, David...I'm focused solely on my career.  I work as Sicky the Sexy Clown, and I'm trying to perfect my routine of juggling dildo's and pocket vagina'a.  Sorry! (26%)

c.) I'd like to be friends with you, Dave, but my mom just chopped off my dick...again... (24%)

d.) Yes, Davey Mac!!!  Let's be friends!!  And then we can go places and watch movies and tickle each other and fart on each other's heads and kill animals together and burn down buildings and blow up my ex-wife's house and scalp my ex-wife and throw my ex-wife into a shark tank to be eaten!!!  Yeeeehhaaaww!! (25%)

 

The Dave Man! The Pepper Stan! The Sirius XM! Saturday at 7 PM EST!

  Oh, yes, chums!  It's the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!  LIVE on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!!  Tune in to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the goodness!!!  Special Guest- Davey Mac Bandleader from the RiotCast/iTunes show, Emmy Award-winner, Mr. Roy Shaffer will be joining us!!!  Let's fucking ROCK it!!!  Topics for the show shall include:

* Pizza- why it's better to put it in your mouth rather than your dick-hole!

* Former GOP Presidential Candidate, Senator Chuck Flucky, will discuss his new memoir- Let's Get Rid Of Mexican People, I Shot My Mistress When I Found Out That She Was Pregnant, Rather Than Pay Taxes I Sell Sex Toys To The IRS, and 47 other things I shouldn't have admitted while giving a speech in Kentucky

* Hollywood producer Joel McCockenberg talks about his latest blockbuster, The Robots Change Into Vampires In Order To Have Sex With Zombies IV, and then farts in Pepper's face.

* Teeth:  Good for chewing stuff?  We'll get to the bottom of this mysterious question that has baffled pundits for years!

* Famous astronaut, Wizz Tuffington, speaks about his new Discovery Channel special- "We Fucked In Space- Me, Jim, Bob- All Of Us- We ALL Fucked Each Other In Space- We Had To Stay Warm SOMEHOW!"

* And hysterical prank caller, Lenny Clam, plays his greatest and funniest call- "Is this Vinny's Pizza Shop? Is this Vinny?  Hi Vinny, I just kidnapped your daughter and if you don't pay me thirty thousand dollars in two hours I'm gonna shoot her in the head."

See you guys on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!!  Adios!!!

 

 

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