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The Davey Mac Sports Program XL had one of their favorite recurring guests, the legendary DJ, Cousin Brucie, back recently to shoot the shit about John Lennon, people who should get peed on, and home-made poison! Check out Cousin Brucie and Davey Mac on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!! Thanks, B-Dawg, for the great pics!
Is it too early in the morning to eat a whole sub?
a.) Fuck no, Davey Mac! After all, this is the time of day that I usually smoke my crack!! Whoooo-yaaaaa!!! (24%)
b.) I wouldn't eat a sub at seven in the morning, David. Not responsible. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to drive drunk to I.H.O.P. ...Adios! (25%)
c.) I don't like sub sandwiches. Too much bread. I'm on a no-carb diet where I only eat the feces of toddlers...and I've lost six pounds! (27%)
d.) I would like to answer your poll question, Dave, but my dick is stuck in a beehive. (24%)
I am tired. Help me.
a.) No, I'm busy planting my puppy garden. (22%)
b.) OK, after I jerk off to this "M.A.S.H." episode. (26%)
c.) I'll help you but only if you give me a box of pocket pussies for my science project. (25%)
d.) I can't help you, David...my fingers have fallen off. (27%)
You heard me right, muchachos! And if you didn't hear me right, then you should seriously make an appointment to see an ear doctor. I know a guy who I can set you up with. I'm not sure if he's an actual doctor but he will sell you some coke in an alley. Think about it! Anyway, we are gonna rock the shit out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday with the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!! Listen to the show, LIVE, at 7 PM (EST) on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!! Topics include:
* Sticking your thumbs in an animal's ass- The Beginner's Guide!
* Rock-n-roller Terry Clam of the hard rock group Clamjob shows us his dick warts
* We do a special pop culture week-in-review where we let Ted Nugent shoot arrows at Dick Clark's corpse
* Novelist Arthur Kenbee discusses his new work- "My Grandmother's Face Just Melted"
* Literary Investigative Journalist Jim Dickers talks about his new report, "Arthur Kenbee Gets His Grandmother Confused With Ice Cream Cakes"
* And "The Cutest Little Boy In The World" Bobby Jeffries comes in to talk about the time he killed three terrorists and ate them
We'll see you guys Saturday at 7 (EST) on Sirius XM!!! Peace!!
Today is 4-20, dawg!! Do you plan to smoke up or celebrate in any way?
a.) Shit yes! I'm gonna go hiiiighin', dude! I'm gonna get so baked and then put my pet goldfish in the microwave, baby! Yeeeeeeeaaayyy!!!
b.) I don't smoke marijuana. I never put drugs into my system. I shall, however, drink a liter of paint thinner and then rob my neighbor...4-20, 'yall!!!
c.) I'm gonna smoke a little bit of pot and then pray to my savior, C-3PO.
d.) I only celebrate one way, daddy...sucking down some Nitrous at the zoo before jumping in the lion cage!! Yeeehhaaaww!!!
Check it out! Make sure you're subscribing to the show on iTunes!! We BREAK the Dick Clark death story, LIVE, on the air!! We sing songs!! We shit in a box!! Dave walks out of the studio in anger!! Then returns three seconds later in joy!! Roy Shaffer is back!! Sean O is drunk!! Pepper may be dying!!! We shoot the shit about Tebow being booed!! The NHL Playoffs have started and they have made one member of the program's dick hard!! And a murder-suicide is proposed!! Click HERE for iTunes or HERE for Stitcher!!!
And don't forget to listen to the XL version of the show, LIVE, on Sirius XM Satellite Radio, Saturdays at 7 PM (EST) on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!!! Let's fucks it hard, baby, yeahhhhh!!!!!!!
I'm thinking of going to the movies today. What should I see?
a.) The Hunger Games (3%)
b.) The Cabin In The Woods (13%)
c.) Freddy Farty And His Amazing Ass (16%)
d.) Deer Vomit (18%)
e.) The Midget Has Exploded Chronicles (23%)
f.) Davey Mac And His Misadventures of Jizz (27%)
Hello there, homies!! The Dave Man is requesting your generosity for a Public Radio Membership Drive!! We are kicking off the drive this week with an ambitious goal (but one which I believe is attainable). My show, "Mornings On The Night With Michele & Dave", is asking for 100 people to donate at $100!! It's one hundred for one hundred!!! Your donation is tax deductible and would be keeping our small but great station alive!!! PLUS, for your donation of one hundo smackers, you'll be getting a T-shirt, a travel coffee mug, and a backpack with mine and Michele's dumb cartoon faces on them!!! Come on!! Everyone needs a picture of me in a bow-tie on their backpack!!! So visit the 90.5 the Night website and thank you!!!
It was really hot yesterday. It's going to be hot today. How can I cool off?
a.) Go jump in a lake and sink to the bottom, David, you jerk!!!
b.) Remove your clothing. Just don't forget that you are nude when you go outside to get the mail this time, Davey Mac, you fucking creep!!!
c.) Take some ice pops and shove them into your dick-hole, Mr. Dave.
d.) Go find a Slurpee machine and start fucking it, FSG!!!!
A big thank you to our friend Katja from KatjaKruppePhotography.com for shooting some great photos of the Dave Man so that he can become a movie star/male pornography pin-up boy/FBI's Most Wanted list model/spank material for some creepy man named Herb who keeps emailing Dave to send Herb some photographs. Katja did a great job! Thanks! And check out Katja's facebook page!
I just realized that now that we're done with Easter, past St. Patty's Day, and finished with Christmas, we have very few holidays remaining. What is left to look forward to?
a.) National Go Fuck Yourself Week just started, Dave Man...now go fuck yourself!! (23%)
b.) The Jizztivus begins tonight in my pants!! (28%)
c.) St. Poop's Day commences in about fifteen minutes after my third bowl of raisin bran!! (24%)
d.) How should I know what holiday comes next?!?! I don't even own a fucking calendar!!! I DO own, however, a nude sculpture I made with Play-Doh of Tom Berenger...I gave him an extra large cock!! (25%)
Why? Because David Dodd McDonald and Chris Pepper Stanley are gonna murder the shit out of Sirius XM with the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!! Tune in Saturday at 7 PM (EST) to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the "Best live radio show mixing sports and pop culture since the Ty Cobb Comedy & Lynching Hour!!" - Charles Kuralt
Topics for the show include:
* Beef- you can try to jerk it off but you will not get any jizzies
* Dr. Edwin Shmipps shows off his new animal-human hybrid: the Ass-Bird
* Patrick Ewing discusses his autobiography- "I Sweat More Than A Man On The Electric Chair"
* We get to the bottom of the Whose Shit-Stained Socks Are These mystery
* Dave uses a portion of the show as an infomercial to sell his famous Dick Helmets
* Gary Oswald talks about his new documentary- "I Like Stalking Meredith Vieira And Smelling Her Underwear"
* Dave's Book Club features the new, best-selling novel- "Your Fingers Are Sticky But I'll Lick Them Anyway"
See ya Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!! Bam!!!
Today is Friday the 13th!!! Oooohhh!! Are you spooked out?!?!
a.) No...but I am cozy...so cozy that I am reading this poll, David, with no clothes on...yeah, baby...you just keep givin' us some poll options...yeahhhhhh...nice and slow, Diddy Mac... (22%)
b.) I am spooked! Especially considering that I'm sitting next to two dead people who may or may not be my landlord and his wife who I may or may not have just stabbed to death!! Bwlrkepofkwfkwfds!!!!! (23%)
c.) I don't believe in the Friday the 13th myth. I DO, however, believe in the myth of Friday the Fourteenth, and how a giant Crab-Man named Denny will eat my eye balls if I don't put a bucket of shrimp under my bed for him at midnight. (28%)
d.) I don't have time for this nonsense. I'm playing my dog in Parcheesi...and he's winning. (27%)
One hundred years ago this very week the Titanic sank in the Atlantic Ocean. What would you have done had you been on that boat?
a.) I would have ordered that shitty band to play some Floyd!!! Sure, the group wouldn't exist for fifty-plus years, but fuck it, I'm gonna die, dawg!!! Have a cigar!!! (27%)
b.) Rape, rape, and more rape!!! (25%)
c.) I would have jumped in the ocean and then went pee-pee in the water to warm it up! And then maybe a little poo-poo, too!! (20%)
d.) I would have skull-fucked that asshole captain for fucking us over!!! I mean, who the fuck can't swerve out of the way of a God-Damn ice berg?!?! They don't fucking MOVE, Captain, you piece of shit!!! (28%)
Come on, people!! Join us for another thrilling episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program, LIVE at 7 PM (EST) on Ustream!! Just go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel!!! Or for those who can't bear to leave this glorious website, visit the Ustream section on EastSideDaveCountry.com!! Come on, you're invited!! That's right, no one's gonna hurt you!!! Come on and play with us!!! Yeah!!! Now touch it a little!!! Oh yeah!!!! Nice!!! SOFTER!!!! Geez, your hands feel like fucking sand-paper!!! That's right! Nice and easy!! Oh yeah!! YEAHHHHH!!!! See you at 7 PM (EST)!! Yeahhhhhhhh!!!
What is your philosophy on life elsewhere in the universe?
a.) I believe in aliens...and I want to fuck each and every one of them. (23%)
b.) There is no such thing as extra-terrestrial life...there IS, however, a Sasquatch named Ernie living in my closet. (25%)
c.) I think the Star-Travelers (that's what I call them) exist...and are looking for my pot. Hands off, you green-gray fuckers, or I'll put my fucking shotgun in your mouths and go BLAM!!! (27%)
d.) I just like jerking off to "E.T." (25%)
That's right. You heard that fucking right. Today I am going on an audition to be an extra in some James Franco-Jonah Hill movie. I am pretty sure that after the director sees me perform, the film will be re-structured as a Dave McDonald movie with James Franco and Jonah Hill as MY God-Damn extras. And when I am on set, about to crush some scene with raw emotion and talent, I will talk to my extras, James and Jonah, and give them a few tips about the Pictures Business.
"I know no one has heard of you yet, boys," I will tell them. "But you just keep your chin up and your dick down and some day, by golly, maybe you'll make it in this wondrous industry called Film-Making. Where people like myself make dreams come true."
"Thank you, Mr. David!" Franco will exclaim.
"You so good to us, Mr. David!" Hill will gush.
"It's the least I can do, boys," I will explain. "For I, too, was once a shit-heel extra such as yourselves. Now if you don't mind, I have to cut off this trite little conversation with you two maggots and fly to Paris in my gold jet. I am scheduled to make a speech at the Louvre about how awesome of an artist I am. And following that, the French are allowing me to cut down the Eiffel Tower with my very own lightsaber that George Lucas personally constructed for me. See ya later, cock-suckers."
"Bye, Mr. David!" Franco and Hill will sing. Their lives...forever touched by the Greatness of Dave McDonald.
I have my big audition as an extra in some James Franco movie today! What should I wear?
a.) Try PANTS for a change, David, you bloody groper!!! (21%)
b.) Anything that doesn't have blood on it, you fucking creep!!! (23%)
c.) Whatever you do, don't wear the article of clothing that you disturbingly call your "Jizz-Hoodie". (27%)
d.) For God's sake, we're begging you to wear some fucking pants, weirdo!!!!! (29%)
I ate so much Easter candy that now I feel as sick as a poop.
a.) That's what you get for mixing Sour Patch Kids and Chocolate, you suicidal bastard!!!! (24%)
b.) Try farting a little...it works for my Uncle Gas-Face!! (26%)
c.) Stick your fingers down your throat and vomiting...or better yet, stick your fingers down your dick-hole and make your dick throw up! (23%)
d.) Try eating a palate cleanser...like a kitten...or your grandmother... (27%)
I'd like to wish everyone Happy Easter and Passover and if you're an atheist, happy weekend, I guess, I don't know...
Anyway, we have a very special Best-Of for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL this Saturday on Sirius XM...so enjoy!
Also, don't eat too much candy...because when I was six, I ate 75% of my Easter basket before Church and then shit myself during the service. It was horrible. I blame it on the Peeps.
We're back LIVE on iTunes on Wednesday and Sirius XM on Saturday (the 14th)...Happy Holidays, homies!!!
