What are you getting me? I don't want any more dildo's. I already have enough due to my part-time job as an out-of-the-trunk-of-his-car-dildo salesman. NOR do I wish for the following:
* Paintings or any artwork centered around farts.
* Small animals whose natural faces look like they're smiling. They freak my shit out. Ever seen a lemur when you're real high? That little son of a bitch will just sit on a tree branch when you're smoking up and stare at you with his evil, menacing grin and God Dammit, it'll make you want to jump out of the fucking window.
* Illegally-obtained dick pics of Matt Lauer.
* Legally-obtained tit pics of my mom.
* Boxed poop.
What I would suggest is a small, rational, and kind donation to this website via the donate section (EastSideDaveCountry.com/Donate).....
...OR...
.......a LARGE, INSANE, and FUCKED-UP donation of, like, $1,200 to this damned website!!! Yeeeehhaaaww!!! Partaaaaayy!!! The way I see it, I have over 27,000 followers on Twitter, over 5700 friends on Facebook, over 4000 Dave Pound Pals on Google+, and over 5200 Tickle Buddies on Instagram....therefore, if everyone gave a humble donation, I'd have enough money to shove a stuffed carrot up my boss' ass as I roller-skated out the door with my dick out!! Let's get crazy!!! Anyway, happy birthday to me!!!
