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Oh HELL YES, fuck-babies!! The Davey Mac Sports Program (aka THE BEST THING EVER INVENTED) is now up on the Internet (aka the THIRD best thing ever invented...behind black dildos)!!! Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes to download the show (for free)!!! Dave talks about the insane Harbaugh brothers, Dave receives a call from the NYPD (LIVE on the air) regarding his stolen iPhone, Roy Shaffer is on cocaine again, and MORE!! Enjoy the show NOW!!
I got an MRI yesterday because of a consistent pain in my right temple. What do you think is wrong with me?
a.) Too much farting (24%)
b.) Jerking off and jizzing on small animals (25%)
c.) Choking out old people and blaming it on teenaged ruffians (25%)
d.) Putting Reese's Buttercups in corpse butts (26%)
What was your favorite daytime talk show? (pictured below)
a.) The Phil Donahue Show (14%)
b.) The Dicky Teethers Expose (15%)
c) The Paul Patterson Insane Hour (23%)
d.) The Marsha Williams No Reality Program (26%)
e.) The Billy Weekles Rundown (22%)
Today is President Obama's second Presidential Inauguration celebration. Will you watch it?
a.) Fuck NO! I don't like politics! PLUS, I'm currently high on bath salts and eating my mailman's face! Avita zein! (25%)
b.) I don't own a television, David, so I guess I won't see it. Unless I go to Washington D.C. But I'm still not allowed in that district ever since I sodomized a chicken on the Lincoln Monument. (24%)
c.) Hell YES, Dave Man!! It's fucking historic!! I usually prepare for Inaugurations by dressing up like Thomas Jefferson and jerking off in a 7-11! (25%)
d.) I would watch it...but I'm shoving barbed-wire into my dick-hole. (26%)
You know it brothers and sisters!! The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!! Tune in to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific for the shit!! Davey Mac and Pepper plan to KILL the radio and EAT it!! Fuckin' A!! Topics for the show include:
* Pee-pee: it's funny to say...but it's not funny to pour it in your dad's nose when he's napping
* Thumb tacks- we'll give you the 5 BEST ways to put them in your dog's ass!
* Master magician Alexander Flash does his most famous trick- "Making That Bitch Of An Ex-Wife Die A Horrible Death And Then Burying Her Awful Corpse In My Friend's Backyard!"
* Legendary baseball broadcaster Jim Tuffy discusses his new memoir- I'm Usually Drunk By The Sixth Inning And During A Double-Header I Once Slapped Around A Mexican Peanut Vendor
* Dave and Pepper invite famous radio personality Cousin Bruce for a game of Russian Roulette...but then all three decide to shoot an intern instead...
* And world-renown scientist Claude de Caliber talks about his new, controversial book about climate change- It's Because Animals Are Farting...We Should Just Kill All The Animals
See you guys on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!! Peace!!
What was the BEST band of the '60's? (pictures below)
a.) The Beatles (18%)
b.) The Rolling Stones (17%)
c.) The Doors (17%)
d.) The Gert Jonnys (16%)
e.) The Cooper Family (12%)
f.) Uncle Les & Nancy Wheeler (20%)
Oh YES, puppy dogs!!! This week's EXPLOSIVE Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) is NOW available and ready to be touched inappropriately!!! Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes to download the show (for free)!!! Dave, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer discuss the fucked-up Manti Te'o story; they chat about Lance "The Dickbag" Armstrong; they sing a song that will most likely be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; Dave confesses something he did in England when he was 20; and much more sick, SICK shit!! Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for the "Best thing that's ever happened to me since I smoked crack while knocked up and got into a brass-knuckles match with another bitch outside of Wawa's!" - Janelle from MTV's Teen Mom
My iPhone was stolen last night. Who fucking took it?!?!
a.) It wasn't ME, Davey Mac!! I was busy taking Quaaludes at the cemetery while jerking off on my grandfather's grave!!! Ahhhhh!! (25%)
b.) I didn't steal your phone, David. And I have an alibi- my imaginary friend Thomas and I went to the park to rape a random jogger. (24%)
c.) Don't look at me, Dave Man!! I was at the library shitting on all of the self-help books!! That's what they get for sticking their noses in my business!!! (26%)
d.) OK, I admit it. I took your phone, Dave. I put it on vibrate and fucked my female dog Felicia with it. (25%)
Oh hell to the fucking YES!!! The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE on Ustream this evening at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream for a show that will leave humans breathless, animals assless, ghosts jizzless, dragons shitless, and cyclops's dickless!!! Be there as East Side Dave, Pepper, Sean O & Roy Shaffer destroy the universe!!! See ya tonight!!
It's raining AGAIN. Does that depress you?
a.) Shit no, Dave Man!! The more water that washes the blood and jizz off my hands, the better!!! (25%)
b.) Nothing depresses me, David. I didn't even shed a tear when I found out that my pet rabbit, Arnie, had died after I fucked it to death. (26%)
c.) I actually LOVE the rain, Davey Mac!! It reminds me of the time I shat in the bathtub!! Boy, am I drunk!! (24%)
d.) John Lennon said "Rain is just a state of mind". Fucking hippie!!!!! (25%)
I have been sick with the flu. Help me.
a.) Sure, I'll help you, Davey Mac!! Just say "cheese" while I fire this DayQuil/NiQuil combination spray from my shotgun at close range!!! Yeeeeehhahaww!! (24%
b.) I can help you, David, but only with my unconventional medicine methods. First, take out your dick. Second, close your eyes while I chop it off. (25%)
c.) Sorry, I can't help you, Dave Man!! I've got my own problems!! My landlord is suing me for decapitating his cat!! (25%)
d.) Do what I do, Dave...take some LSD and light a forest on fire!! (26%)
Oh YEAH, daddy!! The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE on Ustream this evening at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at said time for the happiness!! Tonight we have special guest, legendary Austin, Texas singer/songwriter Ray Wylie Hubbard, fresh off his appearance on the David Letterman show, hanging out with us!! Join Dave, Pepper, Roy Shaffer, and Sean O for what's been called "The best show EVER!!!" - Doug "Random Quote" Poopish
What's your favorite Saturday morning cartoon? (pictures below)
a.) Bugs Bunny (20%)
b.) Kip, The Poorly-Animated Vampire (19%)
c.) Titty Man & Friends (21%)
d.) The Retarded Beatles Super Hour! (19%)
e.) Terry- The Mentally Disturbed 10-year-old and her cat Victor (21%)
In a television interview, Al Roker admitted that he once pooed himself at the White House. What do you think of this development?
a.) That's NOTHING, Dave Man!! I once jerked off in Queen Elizabeth's mouth while she was sleeping!! That's why I've promised NEVER to eat a handful of Roofies in England again!!! (25%)
b.) I can identify, David. I once involuntarily chopped off my dick outside of the Lincoln Memorial...OK, fine, it was very much voluntary....and it was in front of a Burger King... (26%)
c.) Well, I don't know about poo, but as I'm taking this poll I'm currently eating the brain of a live squirrel!!! Yeeeehhhaawww!! (25%)
d.) If I'm not careful, I will often times piss in my own ass due to what doctors call Curved-Boomarang-Penis-And-Super-Wide-Anus Disease. (24%)
Tonight is the big game between Notre Dame and Alabama! What's gonna happen?
a.) The Fighting Irish will beat the Tide 24 to 3, then stuff Alabama's coach Nick Saban into a car, and detonate the SHIT out of it!!! BLAMMO!!! Hahahaha!! When Irish Eyes Are Smilin'!!! I'm so fucking drunk!! (27%)
b.) I don't watch college football, David. I only watch giraffe-on-human pornography. Sorry. (24%)
c.) I'm not sure what's gonna happen, Dave Man, but I sure as shit am excited!!! I've even made home-made football cupcakes out of vanilla icing and jizz for the game!! Yum!! (23%)
d.) I don't have any time for football, Dave, my dog just bit my neighbor's dick and now I have to hide him!! Come here, Chuppy!! Come here, boy!! We gots to put you on the lamb, Chuppy!! That's a good boy!! Run, Chuppy!! And don't EVER look back!! Oh, Chuppy!! (26%)
Oh YES, my friends!! The Davey Mac Sports Program (Best Show of 2012 according to iTunes) has returned in 2013 with a brand new fucking episode just for YOU!!! Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes to download (for free) the program and suck it the heck off!!! Listen to Dave, Pepper, Roy Shaffer, and Sean O dominate the airwaves by talking about the Jets scumbag-iness, Dave's mom's birthday and old voicemail, drunkenness, tea, dicks, and MORE!! Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes now for the show that a crazy homeless man calls "The GREATEST thing since Poop City!!!"
AND, don't forget to tune in to Sirius XM Satellite Radio this Saturday (Jan. 5) for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL, a totally separate, LIVE show done by East Side Davey Mac!! Go to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific for the program that another crazy homeless man calls "The most SPECTACULAR thing since the Cum Dinosaurs!!"
Have a great Davey Mac weekend, homies!!!
Which of the following would you do for one million dollars?
a.) Have a monkey jerk you off...while you are jerking the monkey off. (25%)
b.) Allow a video of yourself being shat on by a fat ten-year-old to be posted on YouTube. (25%)
c.) Eat the foot of your dead grandmother who is lying in a coffin. (24%)
d.) Be made fun of by retarded people on the Today Show. (26%)
What's your favorite Woody Allen porn-parody?
a.) Man-dickin' (21%)
d.) Cumshots Over Broadway (19%)
c.) Assie Hall (22%)
d.) Hannah & Her Lesbos (18%)
e.) Black-Cock In Paris (20%)
Do you want to listen to GREAT entertainment while rubbing yourselves ceaselessly in drug-fueled euphoria?! Then YOU, my friends, are in luck!! The award-winning show (BEST of 2012, as awarded by the iTunes Editorial Team and Apple), the Davey Mac Sports Sports Program (online), is BACK for a new year of chortling, chuckling, nuzzling, and fuckling!! Watch the show LIVE this evening on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at said time for the show called "The greatest thing I've seen since dick!" - Charlotte "Mrs. Garrett" Rae.
That's right, Dave Pound!! The show that was voted Best of 2012 by iTunes and Apple returns, LIVE on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Thursday, Jan. 3rd!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at said time for the suck and fuck action!! And don't forget to subscribe and listen to the show on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!! We had a banner year in 2012 and 2013 is only gonna get bigger and better!! We'll see you fucking wonderful freaks later!! Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to shit!! And we don't know why we're talking in a plural fashion!! The "we" is ME, Davey Mac, and I think I may be losing my fucking mind!! Bye!!
