St. Patty's Day & Davey Mac on Sirius XM = Fucking Fun!!!

  You got it, chums!!!  The Dave Man, Pepper, and company will be LIVE on Saturday, St. Patrick's Day, on Sirius Fucking XM for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Tune to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!!  I CANNOT promise that we will not be drunk while doing the show!!  In fact, I WILL NOT promise it!!  In fact, in fact, I pretty much have sent out memos demanding that every one affiliated in any way with the show, and that includes YOU the listener, be in the proper "spirits" as they say...or in other words- let's get fucked up!!!  Yeeeehhhaaaw!!!  Topics for the show will include:

* Is it wrong to paint your dog green for St. Patrick's Day?  What if the dog is dead?

* Singing while drunk- it's only fun if you don't puke on your relatives on the high notes

* Professor Patty O'McReilly talks about his new novella, "I Sometimes Pour Whiskey Into My Dick-Hole"

* Patty O'McReilly's wife, Kathleen, discusses her new tell-all biography: "You're Too Drunk To Jerk Off, Patty, AND YOU FOOCKIN' KNOW IT!"

* Why it's not proper to drunkenly force midgets to dress as Leprechauns at gun-point

* And Shane MacGowan stops by to read his new children's book: "Lil' Dirty Mac and his One Last Tooth"

See you homies Saturday!!!  Yeeeeee!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 16)

  Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day!  What are YOU gonna do?!

a.) I'm gonna get so drunk that I'm gonna actually piss vomit out of my dick-hole, and then get into Medical Journals throughout the world as the first person who puked out of his penis!!! (32%)

b.) I'm gonna get so fucked up that I'm gonna shit out of my pussy!!  And then...well...same as the guy above, what with the Medical Journals and whatnot!! (14%)

c.) I'm gonna drink so much that I'm gonna light my house on fire and blame it on my ex who I will claim is stalking me...but actually...I'm stalking HER!!!  Hahahahaha!!! (30%)

  d.) I'm gonna fuck a bunch of small animals and then find the nearest elderly couple and push their faces in mud before shoving knives up my ass!

...But I shall be doing it sober.  I don't drink. (24%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 15)

  It's pay day, dogsies!!  What should I do with my money?!

a.) Save it, David. (16%)

b.) Go to the track and let it ride, poo-brain!!! (26%)

c.) Use the cash to start funding the construction of a time machine that is fueled by farts. (28%)

d.) Go on a porn spending-spree...specifically the "Big Fat Greasy Butts Of Chubby, Greek Diner Waitresses Who Like It In The Ass" series. (30%)

We go LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 (EST)! Carnage WILL ensue!!

  Yeah, homies!  You heard my mother-fucking ass right!!  And if you DIDN'T hear my mother-fucking ass right, then you need a fucking Miracle Ear, dawg!!  It's either that...or the mere fact that you're listening to asses that is your problem!!  What the shit are you listening to asses for?!?!  Words can only come out of humans' mouths!!!  Didn't they teach you that in school?!?!

Words = mouths,  Poo = asses

Come on, daddy!!!  It's a simple fucking formula!!  Anyway, the Davey Mac Sports Program will destroy it LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 (EST)!  Join Dave, Pepper, Roy, and Sean O for the "Greatest Show That Comes Out Of Asses" - Dr. Antoine Butt.

Just go to the East Side Dave Happy Time Channel on Ustream OR the Ustream section of this site!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 14)

  It has been a freakishly temperate, if not downright pleasant, winter season.  What do you attribute this to?

a.) Global warming...with my farts!!! (34%)

b.) All the hot air coming out of those wacky politicians' mouths!  Ha!  ...But seriously, all bad jokes aside, it's probably their farts. (33%)

c.) More cars on the road which create more carbon dioxide which...uh oh...I've got to fart!! (33%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 13)

  I'm thinking of starting a new candy company- Davey Macca Candy.  Which one of my candies sounds the best to you?

a.) Dickers (21%)

b.) Sour Crap Jizz (22%)

c.) Three Cockateers (20%)

d.) cuM & cuM's (37%)

Just in time for St. Patty's Day- Dave wall-paper that will frighten the shit out of children!

  Nothing says "success" more than having Internet wall-paper designed after you.  And so, just in time for St. Patrick's Day, the great Kelly from AirBorneRanger.com has pervertedly created a special, horrific, East Side Davey Mac wall-paper series to honor Saint Patty!!  Click on the link only if you must.  And please, DO NOT use this innocent wall-paper for masturbatory purposes...but if you MUST spank it, make sure to do it in public so that other people see the wall-paper and hopefully start jerking it as well!  Click HERE for the horror!!  And a big thank you to Kelly!!

Thank you to Coke Logic for the Michele & Dave art!!

  The Mighty Coke Logic has done it again!  After creating so many great drawings, cartoons, paintings and more for the Dave Man, Coke has decided to tackle the deadliest beast of them all- Michele & Dave on 90.5 The Night (Dave's morning show on Jersey radio).  Once again, a huge thank you to Coke for the fantastic art!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 12)

  We're less than a week away from St. Patrick's Day!  Are you excited?

a.) Does a lamb like to fart?!?! (11%)

b.) Do nuns have boils on their necks?!?! (11%)

c.) Is Gregory Peck asian?!?! (11%)

d.) Do carrots look like dicks?!?! (11%)

e.) Did I just puke?!?!?! (11%)

f.) YES!!!! (45%)

What do we do on Saturday? We FUCK Satellite Radio on Saturday, THAT'S what we fucking do!!

  Boom!!  You heard what I said!!  We're gonna throw our jizz down so hard on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday that they're gonna have to re-name the company Semenus X-CUM!!!  Because the Davey Mac Sports Program XL will be LIVE as always on Saturday at 7 PM (EST)!!!  Tune in to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the hotness!!  Topics will include:

* Putting your butt on really hot things- we'll show you how and where it can be done!

* Behavioral expert and best-selling author Dr. Richard Blerk talks about his new self-help book- "I Think My Grandfather Killed Two Guys"

* Mentally unstable zoologist Randy Spikey brings in a dead marmot and deceased lizard and does a little puppet show

* Combing strangers' hair on the subway- if you do it right they might enjoy it!

* And crime/mystery writer Elroy Chickles discusses his first auto-biography "I Think Dick Blerk's Grandfather Killed My Uncle Henry And His Lawyer"

Join Dave and Pepper for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Saturday on Sirius XM!!!  Bang-bang!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 9)

  I just saw "Hugo" and I must say- how the fuck did this movie not win Best Picture?

  a.) The Academy is a bunch of assholes. (20%)

b.) The Academy thinks Martin Scorcese looks like a little, old monkey...and they don't give Oscars to animals. (18%)

c.) Fuck the Oscars!!  I'm still pissed that "Field Of Dreams" didn't win!!!  Ghosts and baseball!!!  What more do you need in a fucking movie?!?! (22%)

d.) Fuck "Field Of Dreams"!!!  I'm still pissed that fucking "Jaws" didn't win!!!  Hey Academy...go fuck yourself!!!!! (29%)

e.) I could concentrate on this poll question more if I could only stop farting! (11%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 8)

  I think I'm gonna see "Hugo" today.  Is this a good idea?

a.) Hell yes!!  It's a Scorcese flick, dawg!!! (30%)

b.) It's a fucking kids' movie, David!!  Boooooo!! (2%)

c.) You should go to the doctor and have your stomach looked at instead.  Ever since your truTV appearance, you've been farting up a storm, Dave Man!!  Life imitating art?!  Shit yes!!!  Ewwwww!!! (11%)

d.) Instead of giving your cash to the film, donate the dough to a charity, Dave.  Here's one that looks good: The Doug Skittles & Beer Fund.  It appears to be an organization aimed at getting enough money to buy someone named Doug some Skittles and beer.  A worthy cause, me-thinks!!! (28%)

e.) Go fuck yourself instead, Diddy Mac. (1%)

f.) Why don't you draw a really big picture of an apple...and then try to eat said drawing.  I'm really high right now. (28%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 7)

  Should we hold hands?

a.) Yes, Davey Boy. (24%)

b.) Stay the fuck away from, David. (7%)

c.) No, we should not hold hands.  But we should play footsies, Dave Man!!  Fooooooooootsies!!!!!  Hee-hee-hahahahahahaha!!!!!!  Fuck it, baby!! (69%)

Who fucks it on Ustream TONIGHT? WE do!!!!

  Fuck yeah, dawg!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 PM (EST)!!  Go to The East Side Dave Happy Times Channel or just click on the Ustream link from this site!!  What do we have planned for the show?!  How about this- animal strangulation, lighting people's feet on fire, water balloons filled with jizz (effectively making them jizz balloons), tickling, and Fart-Fest '12!!!  It's gonna fucking rock!!  See you tonight!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 6)

  Would you mind if I tickled you?

a.) Keep your fucking hands OFF me, Davey Mac!! (12%)

b.) Tickle away, Dave Man!!  Hahahahahaha!!!  Oh!  OH, you're a good tickler!!!  Hahahahahaha!!  Stop it!!  Hahahahaha!!!  Stop it, I can't catch my breath!!!   Hahahahaha!!!  Seriously, Dave, STOP IT, I'm struggling for air!!!  Hellllpppp!!!!  Someone help!!  Hahahaha!!!  Seriously!!!!  Dave is killing me via tickling!!!  I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!  HEL-------------------------------------------------------------- (42%)

c.) Holy shit!  You killed him, Dave!  You're a murderer!!! (46%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 5)

  Today is the 30th Anniversary of John Belushi's death.  What is the best Belushi character?

a.) Bluto (26%)

b.) Joliet Jake (25%)

c.) Samurai  (4%)

d.) Cheeseburger Guy (3%)

e.) Joe Cocker (12%)

f.) They're ALL great, David, you son of a bitch!!!  Now let's get out Animal House, The Blues Brothers, and the Best of John Belushi SNL DVD's and have ourselves a fucking Belushi marathon already!!!  I'll get the cheeze whiz and you get the Jack Daniels!!!  Suuuck and Fuuuuuck!!!!!! (30%)

We will light Satellite Radio ON FIRE on Saturday!! 7 PM (EST) is when the shit goes down!

  You heard what I said.  Tell the authorities if you must.  But the Davey Mac Sports Program XL (featuring Dave, Pepper and friends) is going to take Sirius XM Satellite Radio and burn it straight to the ground out of pure, highly-flammable awesomeness.  This is not a threat.  It is a promise.  The mere magic of the show will cause a Sirius XM combustion so explosive that it'll make those Branch Davidian pussies and their shitty little compound in Waco look like wife-swapping, fucking amateurs.  Don't worry.  We will make sure to evacuate Cousin Brucie and his record collection before the building goes up in flames due to kick-ass-ed-ness.  So tune in on Saturday to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) for the Show That Is So Great It Annihilates Shit!  Topics and guests will include:

* Doctor J- he does NOT  have a medical license and four other un-fun facts you already knew!

* Sitting on fish without your pants on! "Slippery" Don Turkle is in studio to demonstrate!

* Professor Arturo Wang reads passages from his new book, "Finger-Fucking The Vampire!"

* Beehives- the surprising reasons why shouldn't put one on your dad's crotch while he is napping

* And Jimmy Jipples talks about his new self-help DVD- "Farting In The Bathtub!"

See you Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 2)

  It's the weekend!  Do you think everybody is really working for it?

  a.) Shit yes!!!  I just stuffed two bowls of popcorn into my dick-hole now that Friday is here!!!  Yeeeeeeooooowww!!!!! (21%)

b.) I work on the weekend, so NO!!!  I don't fucking work for it!!  I work for Tuesday afternoon!!!  And then you know what happens--- popcorn straight up my mother-fucking dick-hole!!! (24%)

c.) I'm unemployed.  So you know what that means- seven glorious days of popcorn in the dick-hole!!! (27%)

d.) I work every day of the week, so I never get time off!!!  Ugh!!!  Luckily, I work at Pete's Popcorn & Dick-Hole Factory so I can get all the popcorn and dick-holes I want!!!  Hahahahahahaa!!!! (28%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 1)

  Yay, it's March!  Do you think it's too early to begin with the Irish stuff in preparation  for St. Patty's Day?

a.) No, David! It's fucking March, isn't it?!?! (29%)

b.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Let's wait until at least the 10th, Dave Man!  Jesus! (3%)

c.) I'm so fucking drunk already that I just puked on my dog's back, who is wearing a shamrock sweater, while drinking Jameson and listening to the Pogues and cursing out English people and calling my old mother and crying in joy from the time I went to the "Old Country" in the year 2000 and now I'm having some shots with Guinness chaser and let's put on the Dropkick Murphy's and is that guy fookin' lookin' at us because he's seems like a fookin' English tosser, he fookin' does, he better get his arse outta here before we kick the shite out of his bloody knickers and hang 'im from fookin' Big Ben, Erin Go Bragh!!! (68%)

Who rocks the Ustream and iTunes tonight? WE do, mother-fucker!!!

  Fuck yes, muchachos!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 PM (EST)!!  Just go to the Ustream section of this miracle, this blessing, this poop on a stick of a website called EastSideDaveCountry.com!!

And make sure you're subscribing to the show on iTunes!!  We need all the support we can get so that one day we can turn this shit into a daily program either on iTunes, Sirius XM, or terrestrial radio!!  And once we do that, we'll fart all the way to the bank and open a fartings account to save our God-Damn farts in!!!

Stomach flu, shmumach shmu!!!  I've been sicker than a pirate's dick, but I'm still gonna get my ass to Times Square to give you the best show of all time- the Davey Mac Sports Program!!!  I'll see you tonight, homies!!  Yowwza!!