We fuck shit and blow shit up tonight on Ustream!!

  You got it, Daddy-O!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE tonight at 7 PM (EST) on Ustream!  Just go to the Ustream section of this site!  We will be discussing the following:

* Shaquille O'Neal- he must make REALLY big snow angels.

* Poop- can you make mittens out of it?

* Should we be concerned if our waitress is bleeding from the mouth?  What if she is unconscious?

* Bugs- are they ticklish?

* Tiger Woods- not actually a tiger! The shocking details exposed!!

* Guest appearance by acclaimed author Raymond Gas who will discuss his best-selling novel "Who Farted?"

* Super Bowl XLVI- the Roman numerals make me think that the losing team will be crucified.

See ya tonight on Ustream, Dogsies!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 8)

  I'm back from the Super Bowl after the Giants WON!!!   Where does my life go from here?

a.) Only up, David! (62%)

b.) Who the fuck knows?!  What do I look like a fucking fortune-teller, you son of a bitch?!  Does my driver's license say fucking Nostradamus on it, you cock-sucker?!?!  Fuck off!! (7%)

c.) I apologize for yelling right there, David.  I haven't slept since the Patriots lost. (20%)

d.) My dick hurts. (11%)

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Davey Mac Sports Program XL Super Bowl Special! This Saturday on Sirius XM at 7 PM (EST)!!

  You got that right, muchachos!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL will rock the shit out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday!  Tune in to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!  I'm going away to the God-Damned Super Bowl but we'll still be giving you some fresh material!!  Plus, we'll replay last week's highly-acclaimed and much-requested segment when Cousin Brucie stopped by the show to give his Legendary DJ analysis of our number one, hit Super Bowl song, "Forget Tom Brady"!!  Plus, we'll shoot the shit and talk about Super Bowl parties, Smarties, farties & more!!  Topics will include:

* Can Dave bring a gun on the plane to Indianapolis?  What if it's a special, Super Bowl gun?

* Are pot brownies a legitimate Super Bowl snack?  Three-quarters of the show says Yes!

* Madonna & her half-time performance: the over-under is on nine clit-slips!!

* Cocks- they're not just for jerking anymore!

* Eli Manning- does another championship put him over Arnie Grape in the Retarded Ring Of Honor?

* Tom Brady- why he's a block-headed pussy

* Fingers- surprising places in animals that you can put them!

* Why shitting on your opponent's t-shirt and then putting said shirt on your dad's face while he is napping is NOT a good luck superstition!!

* Al Michaels- what fucking color IS his hair already?!?!

Enjoy the game!  And listen to the Davey Mac Sports Program XL, Saturday at 7 PM (EST) on Sirius XM!  Peace, dogsies!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 3)

  Woohooo!!  At this time tomorrow, I will be flying in the air via an aeroplane to the fucking Super Bowl!!  How damned excited am I?!?!

a.) REALLY excited! (8%)

b.) INCREDIBLY excited!! (10%)

c.) So mother-fucking excited that I'm thinking of taking a Flip cam into the Continental Airlines bathroom and filming myself joining the ever-depraved Mile High Solo Club where I shall spank it and when I'm done, I'll take the jizz and write "GIANTS" on the fucking mirror with it; saving only a little jizzy between my thumb and index finger for when the stewardess gives me a double jack-and-coke, I'll give her a dollar and some Secret Dave Sauce as a very special tip!!!  Yeeehhaaw!!  Let's go, dogsies!!! (82%)

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Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 2)

  It's Groundhog's Day.  This makes me think of Groundhog's Day- the movie.  I love the shit out of it.  What is the best Bill Murray film?

a.) Groundhog's Day (18%)

b.) Ghostbusters (19%)

c.) Caddyshack (16%)

d.) Rushmore (12%)

e.) Scrooged (14%)

f.) Other (3%)

g.) They're all fucking awesome!  Especially "Other"!!!  Hahahahaha!!!  I laughed my dick off at that one, David!!!  Remember the part where Bill Murray made that funny face at the bus-driver?!  Hahahaha!!  And then, when his character was working at the zoo, he slipped and fell into the penguin pen and all the penguins tried to peck him to death!!!!  Hahahahaha!!  And then when he was at the baseball game, he got hit in the head in by a foul ball and started bleeding all over the place!!!  Hahahahaha!!  And he was so smarmy to the Devil!!!!

...what do you mean "Other" was not an actual Bill Murray movie?  ...I'm pretty sure I saw it...let me think...nope.  I'm wrong.  That was the acid again.  Sorry, David. (18%)

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Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 1)

  Do I make you sick?

a.) Yes (8%)

b.) No (9%)

c.) Only when you throw up on your sweat-shirt and mop the throw up with what you thought was a normal towel, but it turns out it was your jizz-rag.  Later that day, you are eating some chile while watching TV when you need to wipe your mouth and rather then reaching for a napkin, you mistakenly pick up the same jizz-rag to clean your face.  And after the chile has been eaten, you go to the bathroom for some poopies but, in a strange bout of confusion, instead of wiping your ass with toilet paper you use, once again, said jizz-rag.  Jizz-raaaaagggg!!!!! (83%)

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We go LIVE on Ustream tonight at 7 PM (EST)! In your FACE!

  Fuck yeah!  The Davey Mac Sports Program will be LIVE, as always, tonight on Ustream at 7 PM (EST)!!!  Just go to the Ustream section in this site!!  We're gonna have more fun than a sock-puppet with a dick in it!  And THAT'S some serious fun, homies!!  Both for the dick AND the sock-puppet!!  Trust me!  I know!!  Don't ask me how, I just do!!!  We'll see ya tonight!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 31)

  I keep having these fucked-up mouth dreams.  They're the same every time- I feel a piece of skin in my lower gum suddenly beginning to grow.  So I tug at it in order to rip it out of my mouth, but rather than being torn from my gums, the growth simply reveals a long, creepy piece of skin in the shape of dental floss that just keeps going and going.  And the more I pull at it and try to get it out of my mouth, the more skin-floss there is.  Pretty soon, after tugging at it four hours, there is just a huge pile of skin-floss on the ground that is still connected to my mouth.  What does this recurring dream mean?

a.) No matter how hard I try, I am still stuck in the same place. (8%_

b.) If stay tenacious, big things will happen. (12%)

c.) I am losing my mind. (37%)

d.) My mouth is probably being used as a cocoon for miniature aliens from outer space who are inhabiting it, and while they are in my gums, are using the softness as a breeding ground for an entire alien mouth-parasite species that will soon take over my body and go on a violence spree. (43%)

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Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 30)

  We now have officially less than a week until the Super Bowl.  Are you excited?

a.) Yes. (42%)

b.) No. (6%)

c.) I'm so excited I just kidnapped an elderly couple, have put a Giants and Patriots jersey on each of them, and am forcing them at gunpoint to play a simulated football game so that I know who to bet.  So far, the Giants (Grandma) are winning, 20 to 16. (52%)

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Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 27)

  No NFL football this Sunday (the Pro Bowl does NOT fucking count).  What are you going to do?

a.) Spend some extra time with the family.

b.) Get some work done.

c.) Pretend to clean the garage but actually smoke pot in there, only periodically coming out to spank it multiple times in the upstairs bathroom, seeing if the Sunday Record of 8 Times of Jizzing can be broken.  And if the record falls, a celebration will ensue that includes Budweiser, Play-Doh, and a dachshund.

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We Destroy Satellite Radio This Weekend.

  Yes, dogsie!  The "best show of all time" according to four-time Necrophiliac of the Year Winner, John Turkey, is LIVE, Saturday at 7 PM (EST), on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!   The name of the show?  Why it's the Davey Mac Sports Program XL of course!!  Tune in to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the shit!  If you like sports, you'll love the show!  If you don't like sports, you'll still love it due to the unique blend of pop culture, movies, music, farts, poison, Lego's, and victims who wouldn't keep their mouths shut, infused throughout the show!!  The topics for Saturday's episode include:

* Tickling bears- how and WHY it should be done.

* Tom Brady- how he combats his soft cock problem...the shocking and untruthful details revealed!

* Tom Arnold- is Tom Brady his favorite player...you know...because of the "Tom" connection?

* Glue- pouring some in your grandfather's ass while he's sleeping won't necessarily get you more money in his will.

* Pillow fights: on their way out.  Foot-rest fights: the new wave of the future.

* Does Dick Clark make you throw up in your mouth a little, too?

* Dragons- why they're actually a bunch of pussies.

 Join "East Side" Dave McDonald, Chris "Pepper" Stanley, Roy Shaffer & company for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!  Saturday at 7 PM (EST), on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!  Peace!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 26)

  If I had an "accident" last night, and I'm NOT saying that I did, but if I perhaps had an accident and peed the bed, what should I do?

a.) Tell no one, wash the sheets.  (18%)

b.) Tell the wife that soda was spilled on the bed and ask her if she can throw the sheets in the washing machine. (16%)

c.) Do nothing.  Say nothing.  Leave the pissy bedding where it is.  Deny EVERYTHING. (8%)

d.) This is what happens when you chase a 2-liter bottle of ginger ale with a half bottle of Nyquil at midnight while watching Ancient Aliens.  And who are you trying to lie to, David?  Your so-called "accident" was not a bed-wetting but rather a bed-shitting!!!  And even worse- it was your God-Damned DOG'S bed, you sick bastard!!! (58%)

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Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 25)

  I'm going to the Super Bowl!  How psyched should I be?

a.) REALLY so psyched!! (22%)

b.) EXTREMELY psyched!!! (30%)

c.) So psyched that I'm thinking of getting drunk and then lighting my butt on fire and then storming into the 7-11 by my house and exclaiming to the cashiers that "My name is Fire Ass!  And I demand a large, FREE Slurpee, mother-fuckers, or suffer my Fire-Gas!!!" (49%)

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The Davey Mac Sports Program (podcast) is LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 PM (EST)!!

  That's right, Sticky Buns!!  The Internet version of the Davey Mac Sports Program will be LIVE tonight at 7 PM (EST) on Ustream!  Just go to the Ustream section of this site to watch the show!  And make sure you download the show from iTunes (the program will be available a few minutes after the Ustream broadcast is completed)!!  Here's the link!!  We had to change our iTunes account recently due to the popularity of the show, so we're asking everyone to please re-subscribe, and (if you would like) to please give a nice comment and review!!  It would really help us out!!!

And of course the satellite radio version of the show, the Davey Mac Sports Program XL,will be LIVE this Saturday on Sirius XM at 7 PM (EST) on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!!

TWO shows!  ONE Davey Mac!!

Topics will include:

* Porcupines- have you ever kissed one?

* Butter knives- why no butter forks?

* Tom Brady- his hair reminds of Janet from Three's Company

* Captain Lou Albano- what kind of Navy Man wears rubber bands on his face?

* You say tomato- WE SAY FUCKING TA-MAH-TOE!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 24)

  It's gonna be 52 degrees today!  In January in New Jersey?!?!  What should I do with this wonderfully temperate weather?

a.) Take a lovely walk on the boardwalk. (18%)

b.) Enjoy the park. (15%)

c.) Play some golf. (12%)

d.) Go to the Adult Emporium on Route 35, buy Big Wet Tits Volume 7 on DVD, spank it while looking at the box in the car.  And since the weather is nice, the windows can be rolled down!  Yeehhhaaw!! (55%)

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Davey Mac Sports Program News!

  First of all, thanks to everyone who listened and called in to the Davey Mac Sports Program XL over the weekend!!  We annihilated the shit out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio with our sports magic!!  Afterwards, we sacrificed small animals in celebration.  Tune in again this Saturday at 7 PM (EST) to the Opie & Anthony Channel for the show some are saying is "so good you will rip your dick off."

And also, tune in to the podcast of the Davey Mac Sports Program this Wednesday on Ustream at 7 PM (EST)!  Subscribe to iTunes for the program!!  Two separate shows!! ONE Davey Mac!!  Let's jizz!!

Davey Mac on iTunes!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 23)

  The Giants are going to the Super Bowl!  How much does Jesus love me?!

a.) A lot (27%)

b.) Very little (14%)

c.) He is confused about you, David.  On the one hand, you held the door for an elderly woman at 7-11 yesterday.  On the other hand, you sinfully thought about her old, floppy titties as she walked past you. (59%)

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Davey Mac Sports Program XL- LIVE on Saturday on Sirius XM at 7 PM (EST)!

  Yeah, baby!  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL, the "greatest show since the Hitler Ha-Ha Hour" * is LIVE on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday at a new, special time- 7 PM (EST)!  One hour earlier!  Which means when the show is done, you'll have an extra 60 minutes to do whatever you want.  I know I can use the time to give more attention to my kidnapping victims, or I can paint erotic pictures of insects; or watch an episode and a third of My So-Called Life!  Or maybe I'll just do all three!!  Yeeeehhaaw!!  Tune in to the Opie & Anthony Channel- Sirius 206, XM 105, at 7 PM (EST) for the "most wonderful experience one can have since eating ears!" **  It's the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!

* Joseph Goebbels

** Jeffrey Dahmer

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 20)

  Today is Jan. 20th.  Which means exactly one year from today, we will be either swearing in a new President of the U.S., or we will be re-electing the current President.  What do YOU think will happen?

a.) Pres. Obama will be re-elected (31%)

b.) A new President will be elected (29%)

c.) Davey Mac will be arrested in the election booth for urinating on the voting knobs and then walking out of the booth and telling everyone he voted for President Piss. (40%)

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 19)

  I'm sick as a dog.  I have been sick a lot this winter.  What do you think is the biggest reason?

a.) Not enough Vitamin C. (13%)

b.) Not dressing warmly enough. (13%)

c.) Blowing my germ-infested mucus on my Giants sweatshirt, yet continuing to wear it because the sweatshirt brings me good luck.  But now there is so much snot on it that it has turned from blue to green and I feel that my liquidy boogers are slowly engulfing me; like the story in Creepshow where Stephen King becomes a grass man.  Only replace the grass with snot.   That's me. (74%)

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