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Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

What TV character is closest to being retarded? Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses)

 

a.) Luther (12%)

 

b.) Woody (13%)

 

c.) Coach (13%)

 

d.) Nick (12%)

 

e.) Jay (50%)

 

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses)

 

 

The Davey Mac Sports Program LIVE tonight on Ustream!

You it, baby!!  The Number One Independent Sports Show on iTunes and Stitcher.com respectively will be LIVE as always Tonight (and every Wednesday) on Ustream!!  Just come right here to the site and go to the Ustream section and- Blammo!!!- you'll be watching us LIVE!!  Chat with others if you want to and- Smammo!!!- you'll have a great time!!  The show should begin around 6:30-7:00 PM EST and- Jacko!!!- it'll be good!!!  See you tonight, Dogsies!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

Another Dave Poll for you!  Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site! (Voting results in parentheses) Would you rather have:

a.) Your Mom urinate in your mouth (32%)

b.) Your Dad poop in your ear (17%)

c.) Your dog bite your privates (20%)

d.) Too much pot again, Dave (31%)

 

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site!

Special Delivery Starring DAVE on Sirius XM kicked ass over the weekend!!

Thank you, everybody, who tuned in and/or called in to Special Delivery Starring Dave this past weekend!!  It was a Dave Solo show and if you liked it (and judging by the overwhelmingly positive feedback it seemed like you did), well guess what, rutabagas?!  I'm going LIVE again and SOLO and strapped to the nines with mother-fucking AK's and grenades out the ass AGAIN this Saturday as well!!! As always, The Dave Man will be LIVE on Sirius 206, XM 105 at 8 PM EST (5 in the west)!!!  We're gonna rock it so hard that people will either bleed, jiz, pee, or all of the above from their nostrils!!  As will I!!!!  I'll see ya this Saturday, rutabagas!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

What will be the next item to become a "smart" product (taking after the smart-phone)? (Voting results in parentheses)

a.) The smart channel-changer (19%)

b.) The smart backpack (15%)

c.) The smart tooth-brush (18%)

d.) The smart NFL referee (0%)

e.) Elizabeth Smart (4%)

f.) Smarties (44%)

 

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site!

Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

Who would you most want to be locked in a freezer with? (Voting results in parentheses)

 

a.)Archie and Meat-head (26%)

 

b.) Greg and Bobby (20%)

 

c.) Lucy and Ethel (18%)

 

d.) Jack Tripper and Mr. Furley (36%)

 

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site!

 

Davey Rooney transcript/ Special Delivery ROCKED!!

Hey 'yall!!  What am I from Alabama all of a sudden?  Hey 'yall?!?!  That's how I greet you?!?!  Fuck me.  Anyway, we rocked on Special Delivery Starring Dave Solo last night and I received many requests from people to put up a transcript of something I wrote and said on the air.  The preface is this- Andy Rooney has left 60 Minutes.  I, for one, think it's time that 60 Minutes goes for a younger crowd.  So this is me, throwing my hat in the ring, trying for a young demographic, for the Last Word On 60 Minutes With Davey Mac:

     "You know who I can't stand?  Old people.  Always complaining about shit.  Does anyone bitch more than an old person?  I don't think so.  I hate how they can't understand how an electric can-opener.  Are you retarded, Old People?  I think you might be.
     Have you ever been behind Old People in the movies, they talk at the screen more than you-know-who.  Shut up, Old People.  I'm trying to watch Reel Steel.
     How God-Damn slow are Old People?  Can't we put jet-packs on their old, slow backs so they can get out of our fucking way already?  Seriously, get the fuck out of my way, Old People.
      Have you ever watched Old People eat?  It's fucking disgusting.  They chew loudly and make weird noises in their old, sloppy mouths.  I wish we didn't have to watch them eat.  Stay at home, Old People, that's what Meals On Wheels is for, for fuck's sake.
      How fucking deaf are Old People?  I have to use Anthony Cumia's mother-fucking bull horn to scream into their Old Ears because they can't hear shit.  Why so deaf, Old People?
      Why do Old People have so many spots on their head?  What are they...Dalmatians?  I wish there was only 101 Old People on the planet.  Then we could spread them out over 7 continents.  Each continent would get roughly 14.2 Old People each.
       You know who is a really good and bad example of Old People?  Andy Fucking Rooney.  I have a personal issue with him because we are both in the Writer's Guild, and so we attend the Guild christmas party each.  And every year it's the same.  There he is- Andy Rooney.  Sitting all old and grumpy like a hung-over Bilbo Baggins, smoking his hobbit pipe.  So I feel like I'll talk to his Old Ass...Spirit of Christmas and all that shit.  He's a big New York Football Giants fan, so am I in fact, so I say- "How about them Giants, Andy?  Do you like their chances in the playoffs this year?"  At which point he usually replies with-  "Do I know you?  Who are you?  Why are you talking to me?"   And I say to him, "Well my name is Davey McDonald and every year I try to talk to you about the Giants."  And then Andy Rooney says- "I don't care.  Leave me alone."    Hey, I was just trying to be nice, Andy Rooney, you old fucking asshole!!!  Fuck you, Andy!!!  And fuck you, Old People!!!"
-Davey Rooney

Special Delivery LIVE tomorrow on Sirius XM!!!

That's right, baby!!!  The DAVE MAN is flying solo and through the month of October (and possibly longer?) with the stunning news that Sam is leaving to take his fish in to the hospital for open-heart-fish surgery!!!  So, I want you to call in and suck it and fuck it with me!!  866-WOW-1-WOW!!  We're gonna rock and roll part 2 better than Gary Glitter and with 50% less molestation!!  Tune in tomorrow (Saturday) at 8 PM EST (5 in the West) to Sirius 206, XM 105 for Special Delivery Starring Davey Mac!!!  Adios!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

Fight week concludes with one last fight!! Who do you have your money on?

(Voting results in parentheses)

 

a.) God (54%)

 

b.) Satan (12%)

 

c.) Frankie Muniz (14%)

 

d.)This guy (20%)

 

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site!

Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

Fight week continues!!! Who would win in a fight- Wesley from Mr. Belvedere, Sam from latter day Diff'rent Strokes, Andy from long-in-the-tooth Family Ties?

(Voting results in parentheses)

 

a.) Wesley (22%)

 

b.) Sam (11%)

 

c.) Andy (5%)

 

d.) Balki (62%)

 

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site!

Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

It's fight week, so we continue with the fight theme!! Who would win in a fight-  fifty bulldogs or two elephants?

(Voting results in parentheses)

a.) 50 bulldogs (29%)

b.) 2 elephants (30%)

c.) a freakish stalemate where both sides mutually agree to sign an animal peace treaty (41%)

 

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site!

Special Delivery killed it over the weekend!!

Special Delivery Starring Sam & Dave destroyed Sirius XM Satellite Radio over the weekend and we thank you for tuning in!!!  It was a special one as Sam announced he will be taking off October and will be leaving indefinitely to seek help with his drug addiction, his herpes issues, his penis problems, his chlamydia irritation, his swollen left testicle, his blind eye, his obsession with poop, his hair, and his love of tiny robots.  As a result, I, the Dave Man, will be hosting the show SOLO for the next bunch of weeks!!  I hope you all join me!! Sirius 206, XM 105 at 8 PM EST (5 in the West)....let's fuck it, baby!!!!!

Special Delivery Starring Sam & Dave LIVE tomorrow night!!

Special Delivery Starring Sam & Dave will be LIVE tomorrow (Saturday) night on Sirius 206, XM 106 at 8 PM EST (5 in the West)!!! And I PROMISE you, jelly beans, this is gonna be an important one that you cannot miss!!  Opening topics include: Dave- does he love animals a little too much?  Sam- is he still working secretly for the Government?  Garret- how many hot dog vendors has he punched?  Monica- still a whore?  In addition to these, major revelations and announcements!!!  Tune in tomorrow!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

What food item would you like your arms to be made of? (Voting results in parentheses)

a.) Gum Drops (22%)

b.) Pork Chops (28%)

c.) Jell-O (13%)

d.) a combination of all of the above held together by the spittle of Pat Sajak (37%)

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site!

Poll-verizing! (Dave's Poll of the Day)

Who would you trust with your life the most to diffuse a bomb strapped to your head while you were asleep? (Voting results in parentheses)

a.) Verne Troyer (14%)

 

b.) Verne Lundquist (36%)

 

c.) Jules Verne (48%)

 

d.) the guy who used to like to say "You know what I mean, Vern?" (2%)

 

Vote NOW in the All About ESD-Contact Info section of this site!

 

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