Tom Brady- “I’m Gonna Fuck The Shit Outta Texans D!” (12/11/12)

 

It’s your December Eleventh Davey Mac Sports Report and Tom Brady just showed the Houston Texans who’s boss.  Brady threw four touchdowns against Houston on Monday Night Football as the Patriots won, 42 to 14.  Brady said after the game- “I don’t want to be gross, but I hope (Texans QB) Matt Schaub liked the taste of my jizz.  Again, I don’t want to be disgusting but I REALLY hope the city of Houston enjoyed eating my shit.  Lastly, I don’t want to be nauseating but I really, REALLY hope that the state of Texas was pleased to suck my farts through my bloody asshole that I purposely made bleed by wiping with sand-paper and sticking push-pins in my anus so that I could get extra-bloody farts for Texas to suck on.  Man, on second thought…maybe I DID want to be gross just then…sorry…”

San Francisco 49′ers running back Brandon Jacobs has been suspended by coach Jim Harbaugh for three games following a plethora of tweets by Jacobs that said that he wasn’t getting the ball enough, was generally critical of the Niners, and that he missed his old team, the Giants.  Jacobs even put a picture of himself in a Giants’ uniform on Instagram recently.  I understand this.  I sometimes miss places that I used to work at.  For instance, I recently wrote an email to my former boss, Captain Bucky, thanking him for all the years he allowed me to work at Captain Bucky’s Sucky & Fucky Hardcore Toy Store.  He allowed me to personally clean all the used pocket pussies with my bare hands!!  Thanks, Captain Bucky!

The Mets have resumed talks with their Cy Young-winner, R.A. Dickey.  No word yet if they plan on re-signing B.J. Cocky, but word is that they may trade for All Star catcher I.P. Freely, and possibly call up minor league shortstop phenom I.M Cunty, that is, unless they acquire middle infielder R.U. Jizzy.

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to your mom.

See ya later, homies!

-Dave (12/11/12)

R-G-OW! (12/10/12)

 

It’s your December Tenth Davey Mac Sports Report and what did I tell you people?  Besides the fact that I once told you about me masturbating in the library at Fordham University in New York and wiping the jizz on a “Famous Castles From Medieval England” book…and besides telling you that when I was 12, I shit my pants when I met Lou Piniella…and also when I told you that sometimes, when I’m alone, I put thumb-tacks into my penis…besides THOSE things, what did I tell you people?!  I fucking TOLD you that if Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III keeps running around like a chicken with his head cut off whose head has then been sodomized by a fox, that he would POSITIVELY get injured.  And that’s exactly what happened to RG3 yesterday.  In the Skins’ 31 to 28 victory over the Ravens, Griffin was knocked out of the game with a knee injury on a play where he was running the ball.   See?  I TOLD you people…just like I told you about the time I threw a snowball and hit Michael J. Fox squarely in the nose with it.  FACE!!

The Packers defeated the Lions on Sunday Night Football- 27 to 20.  Meanwhile, I was watching SportsCenter on ESPN this morning, and that one-eyed, cliche-riddled idiot, Stuart Scott, said that the Packers “beat down” the Lions.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, angers me more than when SportsCenter anchors do not understand their own shitty phrases that they spew on the air.  Prevailing over a team by one touchdown does not constitute a “beat down”, Stuart, you son of a bitch!!!  Damnit!!  Like I said, nothing angers me more than bad broadcasting.  I could witness the Droogs kicking the shit out of my dad and cutting tit-holes in my mom’s sweater, and THAT wouldn’t piss me off as much as shoddy on-air work…well…no…upon further review…the Droogs beating up my dad and doing God-knows-what to my mom WOULD probably upset me more than Scott’s verbal mistakes…but not by much!!!!

Now…the Seahawks BEAT DOWN the Cardinals yesterday- 58 to fucking Zero.  Honestly, can we think of getting rid of the Arizona Cardinals?  I know they went to the Super Bowl four years ago (Kurt Warner & Larry Fitzgerald + LUCK), but let’s be honest, they horrifically suck.  I mean, they are BAD.  After starting the season 4 and 0, the Cardinals have dropped their last nine games.  And does anyone in Arizona even care?  Fuck no.  The only thing that those people are passionate about is taking their automatic weapons and going “huntin’ for illegals”.  I have Nat Geo…I’ve seen “Border Wars”.  Nothing gets the people of Arizona more excited than squeezin’ that trigger at half a dozen Mexicans.  Well, I for one don’t care for that type of behavior.  People are people.  “Humans iz humans”…at least that’s what I learned from “Honey Boo Boo”.

In non-football news, Manny Pacquiao was knocked out on Saturday by Juan Manuel Marquez…effectively KILLING any hope/buzz that was left for a Pacquiao-Floyd Mayweather fight.  And once again, the sport of boxing gets a nice, swift kick to the testicles.  Pacquiao losing his second contest in a row means that he no longer is the invincible boxer that existed three, four years ago.  Mayweather, having served prison time, will have lost a step as well.  Even if they did fight, it would be a pale version of the match that could have taken place in 2008 or ’09.  It would be like past-their-primes Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair battling in 2010…or, even worse, an over-the-hill Jason Voorhees taking on a clearly boozed-up Freddy Krueger in 2003.  Jason looked twenty pounds overweight and was rumored to have had a larger hockey mask made for his now-pudgy, extra-wide face.  And Freddy was seen stealing mini-airplane-bottles of liquor from his TWA flight.  Sad, really…

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Giants’ rookie kickoff returner/backup running back David Wilson who had a MONSTER day in the G-Men’s 52 to 27 win over the Saints.  Wilson rushed for 100 yards and two touchdowns AND got another 227 yards in kick return yardage (including a 97-yard kickoff return TD).  He also celebrated each of his scores by doing a back-flip.  Damn, man, that’s some Tecmo Bowl kind of shit!!  As a Giants fan, I was so thrilled to see Wilson’s performance that I farted loudly and blamed it on the dog!!  Good job, David!!

We’ll see you later, Dave Pound!!!

-Dave (12/10/12)

The Knicks beat the Miami Heat AND Sound Machine! (12/7/12)

 

It’s your December Seventh Davey Mac Sports Report and the New York Knicks took the defending-champion Miami Heat last night and slapped them around like a defenseless woman who did nothing wrong; yet she was punched in the mouth by a fucking ogre of a boxer.  You need to leave Jake, Vickie.  He’s a son of a bitch.  He’ll end up breaking into your house and stealing his championship belt so that he can sell the jewels.  Then he’ll get arrested for allowing under-age girls to drink in his bar.  Trust me, Vickie…I know these things.  Then, he’ll try to perform some half-assed nightclub routine which, quite truthfully, was quite poor.  You gotta run, Vickie, and take the kids…

The Broncos defeated the Raiders last night- 26 to 13.  It was Denver’s eighth straight win.  Meanwhile, I don’t know what needs to happen for the Raiders to turn it around.  Maybe they need a lost ark to go after.  I’m just spit-balling here.  Or maybe instead of a lost ark, the Raiders could try to capture some golden-head relic by putting a bag of sand in the relic’s place.  But MAKE SURE you have the right amount of sand in the bag, Raiders!!  Take a little sand out…little more…now put some sand back in!!!  Sorry for yelling!!  This is fucking tense!!!  OK!!  Now take a little more sand out!!  And put some more back in!!  OK!!!  We’re ready to make the switch, Raiders!!  Go for it!!

…Shit!!!!  I hope you packed your Giant-Boulder-Evading-Boots, Raiders, ’cause it’s go time!!!!

I ate some cupcakes with bacon on them yesterday.  However, I ate them against my will, and thus I ate them IN PROTEST.  I HATE this bacon craze where everyone feels that they need to put bacon on every food item…and then make bacon-scented candles, cologne, bacon toothpaste, etc.  Stop it with the bacon silliness, America.  There are plenty of other side dishes to celebrate.  Why no love for the sausage?  It too is made from the pig.  Or what about the hash brown?  It’s wonderful!  …FUCK BACON…yeah…I said it…fuck bacon right in its delicious ass…

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o who won his fifth and sixth major awards yesterday for outstanding play in college football.  I think Te’o is gonna win the Heisman Trophy.  I really do.  But then again, I thought that I was related to Wesley Snipes…but it turns out he’s black.  Oh well…

Have a great weekend, homies!!  We’ll see you Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Tune in to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Peace!!

-Dave (12/7/12)

Kobe Bryant- the youngest to score 30 K! Billy Madison- the oldest to graduate pre-K! (12/6/12)

It’s your December Sixth Davey Mac Sports Report and Kobe Bryant is the youngest player in NBA history to reach 30,000 points (only four other players have ever reached 30K: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Karl Malone, Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain).  Kobe would have been the biggest star in sports, not just basketball, but all of sports, if he didn’t have that rape charge thrown at him in 2003.  That really threw his popularity train off the fucking rails.  Damned pesky rape charge!!  Kobe would have gotten away with banging strange, schizophrenic broads in hotels if it wasn’t for you!!  See, what’s why I NEVER rape chicks!!  Dead bodies, pillow cases, robots, baby dragons…sure…I’ll rape the SHIT out of them!!  But chicks I never rape (I only inappropriately jerk off in their purses when they’re sleeping).

NBA Commissioner David Stern said that his fine of $250,000 against the San Antonio Spurs (because of the Spurs not playing three of their stars when they were healthy) was justified.  At a press conference Stern also stated that he was not “wearing any pants.”  Stern furthermore commented that although his “Mr. Happy doesn’t get hard anymore, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get tugged and rubbed by Papa Stern!!  Weeeeeee!!”  Sources say David Stern may be forced to undergo psychiatric evaluation.

The best woman college basketball player in the world, Brittney Griner, had 24 points and 14 rebounds.  After the game, Griner drank and then crushed a beer keg in her hand while choking out a man she thought was looking at her funny.  She then went dancing with her best friend (and possible love interest) Madame Olympe Maxime, the headmistress of Beauxbatons Academy in France, before the two drunkenly returned back to Hogwarts and called Harry Potter and Ron Weasley a “couple of pussies.”

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to former Yankee Don Larsen, the only pitcher in MLB history to throw a perfect game in the World Series.  Yesterday Larsen sold his jersey from that legendary night in 1956 for $756,000 in order to pay college tuition for his grandchildren.  Damn, that’s fucking generous.  I don’t have grand kids yet…but I’m pretty sure when I do, the most I’ll give them is a carton of cigarettes (of which three packs will probably be missing) and some fifty year old Star Wars toys that have five-decade-old dried mucous on them.  Merry Christmas, kids!!

That’s it for today, folks!!  Make sure you download (for free) this week’s sensational episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program!!  Available on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  Peace!!

-Dave (12/6/12)

The Heat lose to the Wizards! Dumbledore ecstatic! (12/5/12)

 

It’s your December Fifth Davey Mac Sports Report and the Miami Heat were beaten by the lowly Washington Wizards last night- 105 to 101.  LeBron James said he was embarrassed by the outcome.  I don’t think losing an NBA game in early December is that embarrassing, LeBron.  Now, getting drunk on Christmas Eve and pissing in your family’s stockings and then walking up to the Christmas tree and “decorating” it with what you call shitsel (shit thrown on the tree to resemble tinsel), and then having the cops haul you away while you have nothing but an empty egg-nog container on your privates, and doing this all when you were 12 years old, now THAT is something to be fucking embarrassed about, LeBron!!!

Former Brewer and Hall of Famer Robin Yount pulled a Dick Cheney by sending 150,000 Milwaukee residents into a Middle Eastern war under false pretenses.  Bam!  Political commentary!  …No…actually, all Yount did was shoot his friend and Cubs manager Dale Sveum in the ear with shrapnel while the two were hunting.  Damn…because the former would have been more interesting.  I’m bettin’ that once those sons-of-bitches terrorists would have seen 150,000 cheese-heads running at them, all doing the Aaron Rodgers Discount Double-Check move, they’d go runnin’ for the hills!!!  That’s what you get for trying to take our freedoms, dick-noses!!  Release the cheeeeeese!!!

Jets coach Rex Ryan says he will stick with much-maligned quarterback Mark Sanchez to start this week against the Jaguars.  Ryan also says that he’s hungry: “This fucking diet is killing me!!!  Sometimes I look at special teams coach Mike Westhoff and think, ‘Damn, that one-legged old freak sure looks delicious.’  Come here, Mike!  Just give me a little taste real quick…I’m so fuckin’ hungry!!!  Just let me nibble on some Westhoff ass!!!  I’m fuckin’ starved!!!”

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Holiday Season…the best time of year!  I specifically like walking around New York City with all the lights and decorations up!  I specifically do NOT like getting detained by the NYPD for suspected indecent exposure (masturbatory actions) on the Rockefeller Center ice-skating rink.  Jingle bells!!

See you homies tonight on Ustream for the Davey Mac Sports Program- the number one independent sports show on the Internet (Riotcast.com, iTunes, Stitcher.com)!!  Peace!!

-Dave (12/5/12)

RG3- Faster than R2, Manlier than 3PO!! (12/4/12)

 

It’s your November Fourth Davey Mac Sports Report and Robert Griffin III is good.  The rookie led the Redskins over the Giants yesterday on Monday Night Football, 17 to 16.  Washington (along with Dallas) is now just one game behind New York for first place in the NFC East.  I like Griffin.  I do.  Even if he did beat my Giants, I like the guy.  But am I the only one who thinks his hair is kind of girly?  Plenty of players have long hair these days…I understand that.  But Griffin’s hairdo isn’t fully long…it’s in a bit of a bob and…well…it’s Victoria Beckham-ish.  It is.  You know it…and I know it.  RG3, for all his immense talent, is the Posh Spice of the National Football League.  I’m not saying that Griffin necessarily fucks David Beckham at night…but he probably does…not that there’s anything wrong with that, as the Seinfeld clan taught us.  No offense, Robert Griffin, but your hair makes me think that you have a pussy.  Sorry.

The Heisman Trophy finalists have been announced.  They are: Johnny Manziel of Texas A&M, Manti Te’o of Notre Dame, and Collin Klein of Kansas State.  It’s gonna be hard to beat Johnny Football.  His nickname is football for fuck’s sake, the very sport that the other candidates play.  Maybe Te’o could give himself the monicker of “sports”…in which case, I think that someone named Manti Sports would beat Johnny Football.  But then Klein could go by the name Collin THINGS, which, by being even broader than “sports” would put Klein in the front-funner position.  If I were Te’o, I’d then re-change my name to Earth.  I don’t think any one could defeat Manti Earth.  Unless, Klein ups him and goes with Collin Universe.  That would possibly take the cake.  However, if Te’o becomes Manti GOD, then it’s game, set, match.  Yup, I really have to stop drinking before writing these things.

Reports are saying that Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez will miss half of the 2013 MLB season because of hip surgery.  Other reports are saying that due to severe steroid use, A-Rod’s bones are as brittle as graham crackers.  Still more reports are saying that if you dunk A-Rod’s bones in milk, they make for a nice, tasty, snack.  I myself love having a nice plate of A-Rod bones with a cold glass of milk with my children.  My kids can eat a dozen A-Rod bones in one sitting!!  God bless America!!

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to LeBron James, who was named Sports Illustrated‘s Sportsman of the Year.  Former Sportsman of the Year winners include some obvious choices and some forgotten surprises:

* Muhammad Ali (1973 boxing champion)

* Mickey Mantle (1956 triple crown winner)

* Mark Wahlberg & Christian Bale (2010 Double-Stuff Oreo winners)

* Jack Tripper (1977 Falling-Backwards-Over-A-Couch Finalist)

* Gonzo (1983 Muppet Self-Mutilation League MVP)

* The Sphinx (1000 BC Desert Farting Gold Medalist)

* Adolf Hitler (1944 Berlin Badminton Champion)

See you homies tomorrow!!

-Dave (12/4/12)

Tragedy in Kansas City! (12/3/12)

 

It’s your December Third Davey Mac Sports Report and unfortunately we have to start off in somber fashion.  Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher shot and killed his girlfriend (the mother of Belcher’s three-month-old daughter), then drove to the Chiefs’ practice facility, thanked head coach Romeo Crennel and general manager Scott Pioli for giving him a job, and then turned the gun on himself.  Fuck.  It’s a horrible, damned story.  Having said that, I really don’t want to see any of these dip-shit fans putting up memorials to Belcher.  Nor do we need any of his Kansas City team-mates putting his number on their helmets or shoes.  This guy murdered a mother of a little, baby girl.  HIS baby girl in fact.  It’d be like the state of Colorado honoring Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris because they were “tragically lost” in a high school shooting.  Yeah…a shooting…that THEY fucking perpetrated!!!  To anyone who wants to honor Belcher, a man who KILLED a young mom, I says to you- “Get your fucking head out of your ass and stop idolizing athletes!!!  Also, punch yourself in the crotch area for being a general DUMMY!!  Furthermore, dump a vat of acid on your head so that maybe you can become a comic book super-villain!!!  And slice off your nipples with a switch-blade and then put them on a pizza and deliver it to your uncle’s house as an early April Fool’s joke!!  And then find the first rattle snake that you see and shove it into your dick-hole!!  Ass-faces!!!”

The college football championship game is set- Notre Dame will take on Alabama (who beat Georgia on Saturday to win the SEC championship).  Mark my words- this game will be the highest-rated college championship game in the last twenty years.  Also mark my words- I am gonna pass out tonight on the side of the street in Brooklyn after I see Neil Young & Crazy Horse in the Barclays Center.  And lastly mark my words- during my self-imposed intoxicated comatose, I most likely will have shit my pants and someone will have drawn the word “COCK” on my fore-head.  Sounds like a good night!!

The Jets’ inept and horrendous starting QB, Mark Sanchez, was finally benched yesterday after throwing three interceptions and no touchdowns against the Cardinals.  Third-stringer Greg McElroy (backup Tim Tebow is hurt) came in, led the Jets to a go-ahead touchdown, and New York beat Arizona- 7 to 6.  You know what this means?  Sanchez’s time as a starter in the NFL is almost over.  Personally, I feel that is what he gets for having so many moles.  It’s distracting to look at.  I’m trying to watch the game and all I see is a cluster of moles that look like they are trying to eat Mark Sanchez’s face.  In all honesty, I am scared for the guy.  He should have those moles checked out to make sure they indeed are not going to eat his face.  Because I think that there is a strong possibility that Mark Sanchez’s creepy facial moles are trying to eat his face.

After Pau Gasol was benched at the end of the game in the Lakers’ 113-103 loss to the Magic, Kobe Bryant commented that Gasol needs to “put his big-boy pants on.”  Bam!!  Gasol was just called a big, fucking baby by his team-mate!!  Kobe further commented- “Pau is just playing like a toddler right now…an especially naughty toddler…who has been ditching school…hey, Pau…I just got this letter from school…it says you haven’t been there in months…IN MONTHS!!!  Where the fuck is my belt?!?!”

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Broncos’ Peyton Manning, whose three passing touchdowns led Denver over Tampa Bay, 31 to 23, as the Broncos have now clinched the AFC West title.  Manning really is amazing.  This time a year ago he was a pat-on-the-neck away from being Stephen Hawking.  And now he is the front-runner to be the NFL MVP and has gotten Denver into the playoffs with 4 games to play.  Peyton should run for President of the World when he retires from football.  Then he can finally declare March 24th Peyton Manning Day where we dress up in Colts or Broncos uniforms and kill our neighbors.  Go, Peyton!!

See you tomorrow, Dave Pound!!

-Dave (12/3/12)

Thou Shalt Not Fuck With The Commissioner! (11/30/12)

 

It’s your November Thirtieth Davey Mac Sports Report and the San Antonio Spurs are in some hot shit with NBA Commissioner David Stern.  Spurs coach Greg Popovich sat his three all stars (Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili) for a nationally-televised game against the defending-champion Miami Heat.  Why did Pop sit them?  Not because they were hurt.  Not because they were dealing with personal problems.  No.  Because he felt his guys needed a rest.  A fucking MONTH into the season?!  When the game was being played for the entire fucking country on TNT?!?!  Hey, Pop, go suck an egg, you cotton-headed creep!!!  Sports is entertainment, Pop, and you just broke the first rule of this concept- don’t fuck the fans in the ass.  And that’s exactly what you did, Pop; you FUCKED us in the ass.  Yes, you did, Pop.  Yes, you did.  NEVER do this again, you Manuel Noriega-complexioned bastard, or we’ll throw Peanut M&M’s in all of those fucking pock-marks of yours!!!  Jerk!!

The Falcons improved to 11 and 1 for the season with a 23 to 13 victory over the Saints last night.  And guess what?  I didn’t watch one measly fucking second of the game.  Why?  Because this whole Thursday Night Football experiment; where the NFL decided to have a Thursday match-up EVERY week, starting at the beginning of the season, for the first time in league history, simply does not work.  People like myself can’t be watching pro football three times a week, EVERY fucking week.  We have things to do.  Speaking for Joe America, I know I just want to relax on Thursday nights while I ratchet up my sick masturbatory technique by slicing my dick with razor blades when I jerk off.  And speaking for John America, I know that sometimes on a Thursday I feel like going over to the local pub, with no pants on of course, and seeing if I can make money by letting drunk people pour draft beer down my ass.  Sorry, NFL, but speaking for Jack America, your experiment has not worked…now if you’ll excuse me, inspired A Christmas Story, I must spray my cock with water and stick it to a frozen flag-pole.  Good Day.

The Mets and David Wright have agreed to a seven-year extension worth around $140 million.  That’s a lot of dough.  Which reminds me…I am fucking PISSED that I did not win the $550 million Powerball jackpot the other day.  PISSED.  I play that thing every fucking Wednesday and have the sons of bitches EVER rewarded the Dave Man with a jackpot?!?!  FUCK NO!!  And I am PISSED!!  What the shit, Powerball?!  What did I ever do to YOU?!  I mean, sure, I blew up your headquarters once.  And another time I wiped my ass on fifty Powerball tickets and stuffed them back into one of the machines.  Oh, and one time after I lost, I wrote “Fuckerball” on the ground with my own piss and took a picture of it and posted it on Instagram.  But besides those things, what the fuck did I ever do to you, Powerball?!?!

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Super Mario…because in an hour or two, I’m gonna be hanging with him at Nintendo World in Rockefeller Plaza in New York City!!  I’m so excited I could shit!!  It’s a-me…Davio!!

See you homies later!  Due to the Patrice O’Neal Tribute (in honor of the late, great comedian) on the Opie & Anthony Channel this weekend, there will be no Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday!!  But we’ll be back NEXT Saturday!!  And remember to check out the online version of the show on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  RIP, Patrice!!

-Dave (11/30/12)

Fight! Fight!! Fight!!! (11/29/12)

 

It’s your November Twenty-Ninth Davey Mac Sports Report and we had ourselves a good-old fashioned brawl between the Brooklyn Nets and the Boston Celtics last night, baby!!  Oh yeah!!  The Nets kicked the Celtics’ ass twice; first on the scoreboard (Brooklyn won 95 to 83); and secondly when Nets forward Kris Humphries threw Kevin Garnett to the ground on a hard foul.  After the game, Boston head coach Doc Rivers called his team “soft.”  Ouch.  When you’re called “soft” by your own coach, you plum suck, daddy.  Basically Rivers is saying that his team is a collection of “non-working penises.”  At least, that’s how I interpret it.  Rivers is calling his players a bunch of “erectile dysfunctions.”  And that hurts, mister.  Rivers essentially is stating the Celtics are “a group of flaccid, mushy, limp dicks that couldn’t get hard if Angelina Jolie and Kate Upton scissor-sister’ed right in front of them while hot midgets juggled pocket pussies that were lit on fire and the Today Show‘s Natalie Morales and Savannah Guthrie started pulling each other’s hair before slitting the throats of Al Roker and Matt Lauer and 69′ing each other in the men’s blood.”  That hurts.

No. 2 Duke beat No. 4 Ohio State last night- 73 to 68.  I didn’t get to see this game because I was busy getting into a yelling match with my neighbor Al.  He was mad at what he called my “offensive” Christmas decorations on my lawn.  I’m sorry, Al, but I find an inflatable, twelve-foot Santa with an inflatable, three-foot dick to be in fine Christmas spirit.  Anyway, we settled our differences…I burned his fucking house to the ground.

The New Orleans Saints are upset that their bus was egged at an Atlanta airport as they prepare for tonight’s game against the Falcons.  Big deal, I remember when Europe’s greatest badminton team, the Belfast Protestants, were fire-bombed to fucking hell when in Northern Ireland.  Yowza’s!!

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to my lawyer…who has gotten me out on bail after I burned down my neighbor’s house and shot his three cats.  Thanks, Gerald!!

Hey homies, this week’s spectacular new Davey Mac Sports Program (the number one independent sports show on the Internet) is NOW available (for free) on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  Enjoy!!

-Dave (11/29/12)

Indiana beats the piss our of North Carolina! Ewwwww! (11/28/12)

 

It’s your November Twenty-Eighth Davey Mac Sports Report and Indiana is BACK.  The Hoosiers, the number one team in the nation, annihilated North Carolina last night- 83 to 59.  Good for them.  Indiana and Basketball go together like Duct Tape and Hostages…like Animal Shit and Cookies…like Pauly Shore and Sodomy…like Cheese and Asses…like Hobbits and Cum…well done, Hoosiers!!

The NBA released its most-sold jersey’s list yesterday.  LeBron is number one.  Kevin Durant is number two.  For the team sales, the Knicks are number one, with the Heat at number two.  What does all of this mean?  Jack and shit, I says.  This must be a ridiculously slow news day if this is the second biggest sports story.  Shit.  I say we all just go out and get drunk.  And maybe we should smoke a little pot, too.  Then we’ll watch Wag The Dog, because I haven’t seen that movie in a long time and I remember liking it.  And when all that is done, we’ll rob a 7-11.

And since not a lot went on yesterday in sports, I’d like to take this time to say that the new Tron is not a bad movie.  I watched it last night and thought it had good action and great special effects.  The story did not have a ton of substance to it…but shit…neither did the first Tron movie.  All in all, I give it 3 stars.  Unlike its porn parody- Trim.  Not only were the special effects poor in Trim, but I was very distracted by fluorescent titties getting fucked by a glowing, orange dick.  Plus, I do not like watching people having sex if they are wearing space helmets.  My review- one star.  This has been Dave’s Real Movie/Slut Movie Hollywood Review…’till next week!

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to George Hill of the Pacers who’s last second shot propelled Indiana to beat the Lakers, 79 to 77.  Man, we had TWO stories about Indiana in ONE Sports Report!!  This hasn’t happened since we discussed Indiana Jones and the subsequent porn parody- San Fernando Jones and the Temple of Lube!!!

See you guys this evening for the Davey Mac Sports Program, LIVE on USTREAM!!  Join us at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Peace!!

-Dave (11/28/12)