It’s a very abbreviated July Twenty-Seventh Davey Mac Sports Report because I have slept very little this week and I need to get out of here. There is shit in my underwear and I think some bugs are crawling on my neck. I am sweaty and I didn’t shower because power went out last night in our house and we also lost hot water. I don’t know what kind of fucking electric company we’re using but I think it’s called New Jersey Power-Goes-Out-When-A-Fucking-Fly-Sneezes Electric Company. I can’t take it anymore. We’ve lost power in our home sixteen times since November. What the fuck is this? Who do I have to fart on to get my God-Damn electricity to work properly?!?!?! Huh?!?!? ‘Cause I’ll do it!!!!!! I’ll fuckin’ fart!!!! I’ve got my pants down as we speak and I’ll fuckin’ fart up a storm, Heavens-to-Betsy!!!! Don’t test me!!!!
Anyway, the Olympics begin tonight with the Opening Ceremony on NBC at 8 PM Eastern. I’m so psyched!! My favorite events include:
* The 400 sprint
* Women’s Beach Volleyball
* Men’s Mountain Dickball
* Troll’s Under-The-Bridge MissingTeethball
* The 800 Cum Toss
* Dynamite Suck
Are you guys excited? I hope so. I like seeing you excited. Not in a sexual way…ok, fine…in a sexual way. Anyway, let’s rock these fucking Olympics!!! And remember- the Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE on Sirius 206, XM 105 on Saturday at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!! Have a great weekend!!!!
- Dave (7/27/12)