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This week's Davey Mac Sports Program episode is NOW up, baby! What up, Donald Sterling?!

Fuck yeah, daddy long legs. You're sick of old white men shouting sports cliches angrily on the radio. This is why you listen to the Davey Mac Sports Program. Because we are not old. Many of us are, however, of Caucasian descent and/or are men. Please don't hold that against us. The show still rocks the socks of Santa Claus' wife (I don't know her first name. Edna? I think I only hear them call her Mrs. Claus). Anyway, we have an explosive birthday party/Game Of Thrones fest/all-around Love-In that will be the most entertaining hour of your week. Bam. Listen to it right here on ESD Country in the DMSP Player section or on our professional podcasting network- RiotCast.com! Adios!!

Do you know that I love you, Dave Pound?

It's true. I feel I need to tell you that every once in a while. Also, I've just peed myself. Oh, and I'm pantsless. Lastly, I may have been involved in a hit-and-run accident today, only I think I was the victim who was hit. Why I ran away from medical attention......well.....I'm still scratching my head on that one. I'm also scratching my head because I may have lice. And I'm on drugs. If you'd like to watch my show this evening, we're on at 7:30 (EST) in the LIVE show section. One last thing- I'm boycotting Sour Patch Kids until they remove the new blue flavor. Not good.

The New East Side Dave Life Plan!

Step 1. Befriend Tiger Woods and invite him over to my house.

Step 2. Shrink him to one foot in size.

Step 3. Give him a four-inch putter (in picture) for his birthday.

Step 4. We become besties as a result.

Step 5. We hit up all the Mini-Perkins 'till our hearts (one normal-sized, one miniature) are content!

If you don't watch 'Game Of Thrones' on Sunday night, you're fucked.

I wasn't able to see one of my favorite shows, HBO's Game Of Thrones, last night due to several activities that kept me occupied, like gluing things to my dick and yelling at chairs. Anyway, once the drugs wore off, I realized it was 10:17 PM (EST) and Game Of Thrones was over. So don't spoil it for me, you sons of stitches!!!! Damn!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!! Now where's my damned Beanie Cup?!?!

For those of you who may not know, each year during the end of Christmas morning, my family awards one family member (parent, child, etc.) the Beanie Cup, which is essentially a large trophy in the style of the Stanley Cup given to the recipient who had a noteworthy year. This "fun" tradition has been going on for over twenty years now. And guess what? I STILL haven't won the God-Damned Beanie Cup!!! That's it!! I'm fuckin' suing!!!!

Intentionally, Shitty, Wacky, Promo Photo for the Davey Mac Sports Program!

This is the Official "We're A Shitty Wacky Radio Show" promo picture taken by the talented Johnny Russo of 31 Design. It's not Johnny's fault. He's quite good at what he does. In fact, he was the one to take the Davey Mac Sports Program Doors parody album photo, which is just damned awesome. Instead, we just agreed to take one of those really awful radio "Hey, look, we're nuts!"-type of shots. Eck. But great work, Johnny. And below this pic is the Doors photo.

&nb… — PS - Dave used to be one chubby meatball.

Some say, "TGIF!" The Dave Man says, "The Horror!"

I mean, after all, just because it is Friday doesn't mean it's some kind of good thing. In fact, currently I have my dick caught in the fax machine. I know what you're thinking, "Who uses a fax machine in 2014?" Well, a red-haired man who is intent on building his own cult who will let him chop off any body part he chooses. And that man is me. Colonel David Kurtz.

Poster Credit: Barn Owl Bill, Francis Ford Coppola, Davey Mac

"The Big Dave Theory" - It's Fucking Real!!

The Big Dave Theory produces lots of space cum.

That's right, Stephen Hawking!! Go fuck you and that malfunctioning wheelchair you rode in on!! As for you Neil deGrasse Tyson?? Just how long is your God-Damned name anyway? Can't we just call you Neil, you chubby bastard?! And my cross-hairs are also on YOU, Carl Sagan, even though you're already dead!!! All astrophysicists better watch their shit as it has been proven by me and my dog while we were on LSD that the Big Dave Theory is REAL!! God speed!!!

Davey Mac as painted by Bob Ross, Barn Owl Bill & Ted Striker from 'Airplane'

Behind the Scenes look at Bob Ross creating the "Airplane"-inspired painting entitled 'Dave Kills Babies"

Programming Note: NO Davey Mac Sports Program this week. Back on the 13th!!

East Side Davey Mac - He wears plaid at hospitals.

That is correct. I've had to have a medical procedure and the doctors demand that I recuperate this week and not take the bus into New York City in order to perform the official "Greatest Sports Show Of All Time"- the Davey Mac Sports Program. What was the procedure? I can't tell you that, except that it required me to go under anesthesia and when I awoke, someone had taped a rubber dildo to my nose as a joke. That's the last time I go to St. Carrot Top's Memorial Hospital. Anyway, our dominant show SHALL be back, Tuesday, April 13th!!! Join us!! And to listen to Pepper's strange Programming Note announcement (5/7/14), click HERE!!! See you next week!!!

-Dave McDonald (aka "East Side" Dave aka Davey Mac aka The Champion of the Universe)

May The Dave Be With You! Stars Wars Art with Davey Mac!

I realize I have a lot of East Side Davey Mac Star Wars pics in my vast Important Historical Photographs of the Great Dave McDonald National Museum and realize here's a few I can share. Enjoy the shit out of them!!!!

Yoda Family- Chuck, Maureen, Marty & Dav… — Yoda Family- Chuck, Maureen, Marty & David

East Side Dave: Shitty Jedi Knight, shitty action figure.

Jedi Davey Mac shortly before decapitating Sith Lord and NFL MVP Adrian Peterson

Left to Right: Mark Hammill, Carrie Fisher, some Shmizbo, Dave McDonald- all drunk

&nb… — Davey Mac - His impending death is due to him forgetting his Stormtrooper helmet.

Star Wars Day commences in NJ TODAY (May 4th)!!!

Fuck yes. The Disney Store in the Monmouth Mall is celebrating May the Fourth (aka Star Wars Day) with all kinds of shit. I believe one of the fun treats that Disney is setting up for customers is a little game where they train us to wield light-sabers and chop Gap employees' heads off. This is gonna be aweome!!! Happy Star Wars Day, Dave Pound (unless you work for the Gap, of course, in which case your heads are gonna come off quicker than those younglings Anakin decapitated in Episode III!!!

Davey Mac - not too short to be a Stormtrooper.

Dave's Thoughts- People In Power Will Always Abuse That Power.

Davey Mac- Does he fart when he thinks?  Yes. — Davey Mac- Does he fart when he thinks? Yes.

It's true. Take me, for example. I once was designated the Hallway Monitor in second grade. And in my reign, I ended up putting four kids to death. Unacceptable. And then there was this one time when I was named Captain of my Little League team which resulted in me "accidentally" beating one of the lesser players on our team with a baseball bat because I wanted to re-enact that scene from The Untouchables where DeNiro fucks that guy up at dinner. And of course there was the time where I got a promotion at my current job in New Jersey only to use the extra income to fly overseas and assassinate a South American dictator who shall remain nameless (the CIA still owes me $49.99 for that). Anyway, just remember, Dave Pound, people in power are not to be trusted!! Ever!!

Check out this week's killer Davey Mac Sports Program now!!

Shit yeah! It's the Davey Mac Sports Program explosive Donald Sterling Special and it rocks the dick off a tiger. Listen to it on this site by clicking HERE for the DMSP Player section!!

Tigers, incidentally, are nature's poor man's lions, in my opinion. If reincarnation is real, let me ask you- would you rather come back as a tiger or a lion? You fucking know you'd choose lion, you sons of bitches!! Don't lie to me!! Anyway, enjoy this week's excellent episode of the Davey Mac Lion Program!!! Rrrrrrrooaaarr!!!

Jack, Magic & Dave:  Who are "three guys who have never been in my kitchen?" — Jack, Magic & Dave: Who are "three guys who have never been in my kitchen?"

Donald Sterling is a naughty boy.

Pictured - Donald Sterling and women too attractive for him.

The Dave Man likes himself some publicity. Thus, in a cheap attempt to get some pop on Twitter, @EastSideDave (that's me) plans on BOYCOTTING all Clippers games because of their racist and infamous owner, Donald Sterling. Is this shallow? Yes. Have I ever even gone to a single Clippers game in my life? No. But the Dave Man is anti-racist, baby. Also, I want people to like me. This is social activism at its best, daddy.

East Side Dave - The Official Voice of America.

Have a dominant weekend, baby!!

What am I going to do on this nice weekend? Quite frankly, I NEED to beat the new Super Mario game for the Nintendo Wii U. I have kept myself awake for the last 67 hours and I have 104 Power Stars. I need to get 130 before I move on to Bowser's huge castle so I can destroy that sick serial kidnapper. Say "Goodnight, Bowser".........you son of a bitch. Oh, and have a great weekend, Dave Pound!!

Watch East Side Dave's TV segment on TLC!

Media and radio superstar "East Side" Dave McDonald dominates the world of television with his appearance on TLC's 'World's Worst Tattoos'.

NEW episodes of the Davey Mac Sports Program AND The Watchers are NOW here!

Greetings, humans!! Brand, new episodes of the TWO greatest radio shows, the Davey Mac Sports Program AND The Watchers, are NOW available right here at East Side Dave Country!!

Click on the DMSP Player for the number one, award-winning Davey Mac Sports Program!! We talk about Dave's TV appearance on TLC, drugs and booze, the NBA PLayoffs, bad people, evil things, touching one another, possible Dave Vs. Pepper bet, and MORE awesomeness!!!

And when you're done with the Sports Program, visit The Watchers section of the site to listen to a brand new episode of our hugely popular movie show, The Watchers!! We discuss The Wolf of Wall Street, Game Of Thrones, Godfather Part I Vs. Part II, Davey Mac dominates things, Roy is off the rails, monsters, robots, and MORE wonderfulness!!

Let's touch it, Dave Pound!!!

The Rolling Daves new album!

My new album, "Tattoo You", is due in stores Tuesday. Art work by Barn Owl Bill.

DAVE is VIRAL!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Get away!!!

Not THAT kind of viral, Dave Pound!! Not the kind of viral where puss leaks out of your dick as if even bacteria wants to escape your horrible genital area. No!!! I'm talking Internet viral!! I was on the TLC show America's Worst Tattoos last night and my segment has apparently been picked up by a ton of international websites. To see AOL and Huffington Post's review, CLICK HERE! And to see UK's hugely popular site, Daily Mail Online, cover the Dave Man, CLICK HERE! Thanks to Tim Pangburn and TLC!! And I appreciate YOU people for watching!! And, fuck it, let me say God Bless America since we're giving shout-outs!! Yeeeahhooooo!!!!