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Dave is the Star Child. He's also the Butt Man.
Well, the Super Bowl was a damned bust. Holy shit was that game awful. I think Peyton Manning was drunk. My goodness. Shitties, I didn't even watch the post-game coverage. I just put on Stanley Kubrick's epic film 2001: A Space Odyssey and smoked my brains out! 'Till next year!!
Davey Mac- usually has gas on the Super Bowl.
Despite my New York Football Giants having very little to do with this Super Bowl except having the game in their God Damned building, I'm nonetheless beginning to feel the excitement of Super Bowl Fever and, as a result, little baby shitties are beginning to form. What can I say....I brew shitties in my tummy and butt when I get excited. I just hope that little fucker Bruno Mars doesn't screw this shit up at half-time. I'm watching you, Bruno!!! I'm watching you like a hawk watches a diminutive and over-rated pop star who's been ripping off Sting for three years!!! Anyway, have a great Super Bowl, Dave Pound!! Bang-bang!!
- Davey Mac
When I was little I would dress up in a suit and pretend I was a basketball coach. Other kids were probably imagining that they were Michael Jordan or Charles Barkely and here I was...dumb as rocks...fantasizing that I was Pat Riley. Someday I'll enter the Smoke Zone and finish working on my Time Machine...and when I do...I'm gonna go back to 1988 to slap the piss out of my childhood self. Fin.
Little Davey Mac - probably stole that suit.
CALL NOW FOR A FREE CONSULTATION! 1-888-POO-TIME!!!
Apparently the killer likes to sit naked in his "Smoke Zone".
It's sadly true. I don't know if it's an indicator that I've lost my mind, but Christina Aguilera's tune "Beautiful" was just playing on the radio and I started to tear up. Then, next thing you know, I'm fuckin' sobbing like a person who's just been told that he has three weeks to live! I was crying worse than the series finale of 'Cheers', for shit's sake!! I was bawlin' harder than the time I "accidentally" Crazy-Glued Halloween candy to my ass!! Damn, Christina!! That song is fuckin' sad!!
Davey Mac - cries when he touches his own dick, too.
And we CANNOT fuckin' wait. We're gonna get as drunk as shit!! Yeeeehhaaww!!
Yeehaw.
Oh yes!! This is REAL!! Now YOU, Johnny and Joanie Pigskin Fan, can have "East Side" Dave McDonald and Chris "Pepper" Stanley over to your house, favorite bar, or preferred prison cell to watch the damned Super Bowl!! We're asking for $1,500 plus travel fees!! It must be in the New York area, which we're deeming as New York, New Jersey, and parts of Philly!! Fuck yeah!! Contact Dave at Didvod@gmail.com if interested!! Also, the winner of this "contest" must provide ample alcohol and I'm in the mood for pizza, so let's throw that shit in there, too!! All jokes aside, what do you call a feline lawyer who is married to Harrison Ford? An Ally McBeal Cat!!! Hahahaha!! Hmmmm.....I guess all jokes were not truly aside, were they? Anyway, we hope to hear from you! In the meantime, I'm gonna be rubbing up against my football!! Peace!!
- Davey Mac (aka "Earth's Greatest Person")
Dave & Pepper - conjoined at the dick? .....We hear things.
In this photograph: a pothead...a drug addict...a booze-brain...and Roy.
Join us at 7:30 (EST) this evening for the Davey Mac Sports Program (online)! Go to the Ustream section of this site for the show! And if you've missed any part, we upload the Program to this site, iTunes, and RiotCast.com immediately after! Bam! Now enjoy the FUCK out of your day and evening, friend-o's!!! Yeeeeehhhaaaww!!!
I love the Winter Olympics nearly as much as I love scolding myself in public. Nothing says "unstable" better than a red-haired man yelling at himself, "You've been naughty, David! You must be punished now, David!" People usually grow increasingly uncomfortable at this, especially when I start openly sobbing and slapping myself on the ass as punishment.
Thanks to Barn Owl Bill for this crazy fucking picture.
We have lots of NON-poisoned fun for you this week, Dave Pound!! For starters, a brand new episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program (online), is NOW up on iTunes, RiotCast.com, or RIGHT HERE on ESD Country!! We discuss blizzards, Dave's situation with SiriusXM, drugs, David Bowie, the Super Bowl, thugs, and more!!!
And THEN, when you've completed the sheer brilliance of the Davey Mac Sports Program, tune in for our hit movie show- The Watchers- as we conduct our annual Oscar Nom Special!! NOW available on iTunes, Stitcher.com, or HERE on ESD Country!! We go over the "best" films of the year and threaten each other with physical violence!! Enjoy!!
One Davey Mac, TWO East Side Dave shows!! Life is fucking good!!
Dave & Dave- Too close for comfort? #Clonecest.
In the first part of this epically interesting interview, "East Side" Dave McDonald talks to himself about things, stuff, and things! Enjoy, and then share this with a friend who you don't really like!
Dave: David, right now you are embed in controversy as your celebrated and award-winning radio show on SiriusXM Satellite Radio has been put on hiatus for some retarded reason and I guess I'm wondering if---
...Um. Do I hear you jerking off under your clothes?
Dave: Yes.
(End of Part I)
Dave is as sick as a midget in shit. And there is another fucking blizzard coming to the New Jersey-New York area that will probably end up killing us all. Thus, this week's (online) Davey Mac Sports Program will be LIVE on Ustream on THURSDAY at 7:30 PM (EST)!! Got that? Usually our show is every Tuesday at 7:30, but NOT this week!! It's on THURSDAY at 7:30 PM (EST)!! And after the broadcast, the show will be immediately uploaded here, and on RiotCast.com & iTunes! Now look at the photograph. That is a picture of a man filled with so much mucous, that he has taken some of it and carved it into a mucous puppet that he is calling "Snotty". You should probably call the police.
Davey Mac- He's seriously contemplating licking "Snotty".
Happy MLK Day from Dave & Earl!! We love you!!
Dave & Earl: secretly in love?
...More like, "Thank God it's FUCK Day." Hahahahahaha!
I love Friday so much I wish I could marry it. And then Friday and I could go on a Honeymoon vacation. Just as long as that unstable slut Friday doesn't get jealous of the very popular Saturday. Oh man, Saturday is ALWAYS fuckin' fun. And personally speaking, I'm also a big fan of the elegant and class-personified Sunday. You know what? Now that I think about it, screw you, Friday, you're over-rated. Anyway, enjoy your weekend Dave Pound!!
No Best Picture or Best Director or Best Screenplay or Best Actor nominations for the Coen Brothers' brilliant film Inside Llewyn Davis?! Then NO Dave McDonald watching the Oscars this year. Instead, I will be masturbating in silence in a public library.....that's about as anti-Oscar as one can get.
Dave Shalit: non-respected film critic for Perverts Illustrated.
The 2014 Academy Award nominations were just announced, with American Hustle and Gravity leading the way with ten nominations each. First of all, American Hustle is more over-rated than my dickhole wart and secondly, where the shit are the nominations for the Coen Brothers' Inside Llewyn Davis, aka the "Best Fucking Film of the Year"?! Not even a Best Song nomination, for shit's sakes?!?! Hey, Academy, screw you!!! Anyway, I'm classy film critic Dave Shalit signing off, saying, "You're dead meat, Academy!! Next time you see me and the Coen Brothers you better cross the fucking street, you sons of bitches!!!"
I just found this picture of yours truly, East Side David Mac, age 14, making one fuck of a game-winning catch to win the championship. Forget about the fact that the photo, with me smiling, looks more posed than those asshole dancers in the "Vogue" video. Never mind that the "catch" appears to be taking place in my backyard rather than a proper baseball field. And please ignore the fact that even though I was pretending to be robbing a home run in the outfield, I'm wearing a fucking first basemen's glove. In fact, everyone associated with this pic should be ashamed of themselves and that includes YOU, Mom.
Davey Mac- Didn't actually catch anything in this photo.
The Internet has been saying that 49'ers QB Colin Kaepernick looks like former Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez's little midget guy that he used to bring around in 2004. Well, except for having the exact same fucking face.....I don't see it.
Nothing to see here except a grown man holding up a midget who is waving his freaky little hat at us.
.......Jack & Shit. Nothing has changed. We're still on "hiatus" and will learn of the future of the Davey Mac Sports Program XL in February. Until then, just enjoy the shit out of the Davey Mac Sports Program online version!! You can get it here or on iTunes! And to support East Side Dave, tweet to @SiriusXM, @SXM_Help and @SiriusXMComedy and tell them you want your @EastSideDave to remain on SiriusXM!!! Thanks to Adam B. on Twitter for this East Side Dave-SiriusXM Status Update pic!!
