East Side Dave Country

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Hey Chicago Cubs, just what the fuck do you think you're doing?

The Chicago Cubs, an original Major League Baseball club of excellent tradition and old school values, an organizaiton that has been in existence since 1876 for shit's sake, has just announced that for the first time in team history they will have a mascot........called Clark the fucking Cub. Pictured next to the text is the official release of what Clark will look like....and needless to say.....he sucks elephant dicks. Clark looks like a rejected cast member of The Chipmunks circa 1984. Quite frankly, Clark is an asshole. Ernie Banks. Andre Dawson. Clark the Cub. Jesus, my private area just inverted itself because of how douched out it got by looking at his dopey fucking face. Hey Clark, suck mah dick!!

Clark- what's he hiding and is it in his hibernation cave?

The Best Commercial Ever? Me Says Yes!

I was just trying to watch the Broncos and Chargers yesterday with my dick out when the game went to commercial break. Suddenly an iPad ad with Dead Poets Society lines being used as narration started playing. Needless to say, I was thrilled....and a little stoned. After Terry & Gene's Butt History Month (a porno of sorts), Dead Poets Society is one of my favorite movies ever. Except for the part (SPOILER ALERT) when the dad from "That '70's Show" gives his kid a hard time. "BACK the FUCK off, Mr. Perry!!!!" is what I would have said had I been Neil's friend. Anyway, here's the fucking spot followed by a much different commercial.

And here now is the WORST commercial ever......the East Side Dave Wet Personal Lubricant spot. Enjoy it with your dicks!

Dave's Thoughts.........

As I sit here during the Chargers-Broncos game, I ask myself, "What the shit is that smell?!"

God Damn, animal farts are the WORST. They're much more poison-scented than human farts.

This has been Dave's Thoughts.

No Davey Mac Sports Program XL on SiriusXM this evening!

Davey Mac, stop being  a baby. — Davey Mac, stop being a baby.

Reminder- there will be NO Davey Mac Sports Program XL on SiriusXM Satellite Radio (Twitter.com/SiriusXM) tonight due to a mandatory "hiatus" that we have been put on. When will we be back? They haven't told us that. Anyway, here's a picture of me losing my piss as a baby. I wonder what the shit happened to put me in such a state. Sometimes when I see pics like these, I whimsically talk to my former child self with a great sense of nostalgia, and I say, "Quit acting like a fucking pussy, you little crying sack of shit."

Davey Mac and You......perfect together.

East Side Dave- keeping his chin up while his pants are off.

Since my highly-acclaimed show on SiriusXM Satellite Radio has been put on "hiatus" by the powers-that-be, I suppose now would be a good time to do something special on Saturday. I was thinking of farting in one of my kids' sippy cups. Either that, or maybe I'll glue a dildo to my dog's head. Or perhaps I'll just stay home and put candy in my butt. Hey, at least I got options.

Update - East Side Davey Mac on America's Worst Tattoos in April!

East Side Dave & tattoo artist Tim Pangburn, shortly before Dave farted.

We have an update for when my episode on TLC's America's Worst Tattoos will air: sometime in April, baby!! Watch East Side David cry as he is tattooed by Tim Pangburn, a highly-respected artist bewildered at the sight of a shirtless red-head who lets a little gas slip out when he's getting ink. TLC is looking at April 4th right now, but that could change as we get closer to the date. Meanwhile, critics everywhere are saying that this episode will be so tremendous that "it'll make the Beatles' historic appearance on Ed Sullivan look like a bunch of Limey monkeys throwing their own shit in each other's mouths." And after yet another brilliant TV performance by yours truly, I expect to be cast as Fluffer #6 in Behind The Candelabra 2: Scott's Slutty Revenge.

Did You Know.....

.....I got nothing. I just wanted to rope you in with that addictive Did You Know header. I guess I could just make up a fun fact in order to pretend that I actually know something. OK. So let's try this again. Did you know.......

......that frogs and rabbits mate when we're not looking. And we define "mate" as "fuck each other in their cute little animal asses." It's true!

And also, a brand new episode of the (online) Davey Mac Sports Program is NOW up on East Side Dave Country (DMSP Player) and/or RiotCast.com!! Subscribe to the show, download (for free), and enjoy!! Peace!!

Just a group guys......sitting on each other's laps.....no big deal.

The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE tonight!

Join the award-winning, highly-acclaimed, online version of the Davey Mac Sports Program at 7:30 PM (EST)!!! Right here on East Side Dave Country in our Ustream section!! Or just go straight to Ustream itself if you want!! Big news!! Big updates on my situation with SiriusXM Satellite Radio!!! And more!! See you then!!

Davey Mac art...by Gordon on Facebook!

I'm gonna start exhibiting more "East Side" Dave drawings and paintings and photoshops and shit right here. This cool piece was by Gordon Bennett who sent it to me on Facebook. I've already jerked off to it THRICE!!

Uncle East Side Dave wants YOU to give him a little kiss.

Thank you all for the great times at SiriusXM!!

I may no longer be doing the SiriusXM Satellite Radio version of the Davey Mac Sports Program. Long story. So, on my way out of SiriusXM, I stole this framed picture of Chris "Mad Dog" Russo. FACE.

It's a fucking blizzard!!!

My ass feels as if I'm in the middle of Fargo, and I really could use some damned pancakes just like that creepy Swedish guy. Or for you younger East Side Dave fans, I feel like I'm in the new Disney film Frozen, and there's gonna be some drunk snow man with clear mental problems named Olaf following me around. Speaking of which, and again this is for you East Side Dave Country younglings out there.......but just why in the shit are you on this website? I could probably get arrested if you are here so LEAVE you little pieces of poo!!!

Coming soon to the Jimmy Houston Channel!!!

Check your local listings under "Fucked Up Television Shows" for when the Davey Mac Fishing Program will be airing near you!

This show would kick the ass of a shark.

Happy 2014, people!! Let's have a Touch Party!!

2014 - The Year Of Dave Selling Dildo's Out Of The Trunk Of His Car.

I don't know if it's gonna be a good year or bad year for the Dave Man. In fact, I can foresee some sort of ass or dick injury, mixed with a little controversy from the animal rights people after I show them the Christmas gift I gave to my dad which was a beheaded monkey's head with a Post-It note attached that said: "No more time for monkey business, Daddy."

...Anyway, Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year's Eve, Dave Pound!!

First of all, I love you. You've been there for me during 2013, watching me publicly masturbate, observing me sticking matchbox cars in my dick-hole, noticing me putting a half-full jar of cum in the women's bathroom, witnessing me extracting the cum from a passed out homeless man so that I could fill the women's bathroom cum jar all the way to the top, and the other wonderful things we experienced together! Here's to 2014!!

Farewell to 2013

Goodbye, 2013. You were better than 2012. In fact, you fucked 2012 right in it's even-year'd ass. Screw you, 2012. You just got your shit sucked by 2013.....how does it feel, asshole? Yeah. We fucking thought so.

That's right. Here at East Side Dave Country, we proclaim to be the only website in the world that calls random dates "assholes". Good day.

Dave and NFL MVP Adrian Peterson show their lightsabers before going into a Pre-K classroom and beheading some "younglings".

Happy Day Day!!

I'm declaring today the very first ever Day Day. Someone has to add a little excitement to this interminable and tormenting non-partying time between Christmas and New Year's Eve. Well from now on, we shall keep our holiday festivities (drinking, smoking, cracking, stealing, guffawing) rolling with Day Day...which coincidentally is every December 29th!! So, happy fucking Day Day, homies!!! Yeeeehhhaaawww!!!

Davework Orange

If I could re-make the great Stanley Kubrick film A Clockwork Orange starring myself, I would do it fucking TOMORROW. Not that I'd be happy and all to pretend that I was a rapist. Shit no. Davey Mac don't like the raping. The Dave Man is much more of a put-a-piece-of-chicken-in-his-own-butt kind of guy.

Old School ESD & XM

I don't know who made this "East Side" Dave cartoon, so I can't give them credit, but they did a very serviceable job. Except in the beady eyes that suggest mental problems and Jack Nicholson eye brows. And the penis nose. By the way, I ate some bad shrimp last night. I got the shits.

Merry Christmas, Dave Pound!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to YOU!! The mere fact that you're reading this means you are nuts but also one of the greatest people on the planet Earth. AND you are obviously very smart. Only smart people come to East Side Dave Country on Christmas. Anyway, enjoy your day! Love, Davey Mac

Both Dave AND that dog are drunk as hell.

I hear Santa!!!

Maybe I'm really fucking high but I think I hear Santa Claus on my roof!! Either that or the cops are trying to bust in again!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!