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FUCK YEAH!! We have a live Davey Mac Sports Program this evening on Ustream and we want you to be there with us for the tickles 'n' shit!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream to watch the show!! We got the latest in the Aaron Hernandez case!! We got the Yankees squabbling and telling each other to "shut the fuck up"!! And we got really bad farties!! We'll see you this THIS EVENING on the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream!!! 7 Eastern!! Peace!!
When I say the phrase, "get all your ducks in a row", what do you think of?
a.) I think of doing some acid and then strangling Emilio Estevez and those asshole-kid-hockey players he coached!! (26%)
b.) I think of what any normal person would think of- going to the lake, capturing baby ducklings, and shoving them up my hostage's ass. (25%)
c.) I think of gettin' drunk an' fuckin' my sister!!! Yeeehhhaaaww!! ...What was the question? (24%)
d.) My dick hurts. (25%)
Thank you, dogsies, for coming out!! And to those who didn’t, go screw a duck!!! Just kidding. That would not only be inappropriate but it would be downright silly. Ducks aren’t for fucking. That’s what my great-uncle Bill told me shortly before he jumped in front of a bus. Anyway, here are some pics. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have sex with a pigeon. Uncle Bill never said shit about not humping those cute little fuckers. If the photos of Davey Mac, Tracy Morgran, Roy Shaffer, and more aren't uploading, CLICK HERE!!!
Dave and Roy being weird
Dave and Tracy Morgan
Dave and Roy Shaffer on stage
Dave pointing at Tracy Morgan like a creep
Dave is probably high right here
Dave and Roy and either a very tan Pepper or Tracy Morgan…we’re not sure ’cause we’re drunk
Random picture of Dave wearing a turkey hat that has nothing to do with the Movie-thon whatsoever…
Even more random picture of Larry Appleton from “Perfect Strangers”
Yeeeeehhhaawww!!! I'm so fucking drunk, I can barely breathe!! Hey!! I think that actually means that I'm dying!! Seriously!! I'm not breathing properly!!! Ahhhhhh!! Well, I guess in my final moments on this planet, I should tell you that this week's online Davey Mac Sports Program is NOW up on iTunes and/or RiotCast.com!!! OK!! You got that?! Good!! Now call fucking 9-1-1 immediately, you son of a bitch!! Ahhhhhhh!!!
Rock 'N' Roll!!! That's right!! Even though this evening is the big Davey Mac Movie-thon at The Stand comedy club in New York City (which we will be attending), we shall nonetheless still demonstrate broadcasting professionalism at its best and fuck the Internet Radio squarely in its electrical ass by doing the Davey Mac Sports Program THIS EVENING on the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream!!! We plan to go LIVE around 5:30...maybe a little earlier...maybe a little later. So check with Dave's Twitter and shit for the exact time!! See you tonight for the show that's been called "The only program that's twice secretly video-taped my wife while she was shitting. Lawsuits are pending." - Donald Trump
PEACE!!
Let's go!!! No!! Let's REALLY fucking go!! Let's do's it!!! NO!!! Let's REALLY fuckin' do's it!!! Come out TONIGHT to the Davey Mac Movie-thon!! An evening of East Side Dave's great comedy videos!! At The Stand comedy club in New York City (Third Avenue between 19th and 20th Streets)!! Starting at 8 PM!! Get there early to drink with Dave!!! It's gonna be so great that afterwards, we'll all kill animals in Central Park together while on acid!! Bring it!!
Which of the following is the best sitcom character of all time? (pictured below)
a.) Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli (13%)
b.) Balki Bartokomous (12%)
c.) Leachy Martinez (24%)
d.) Tickles Masterson (25%)
e.) Porky Choppins (26%)
This past Saturday's Davey Mac Sports Program XL, aka "the number one show in the key animals with retardation demographic", is NOW available on Sirius XM On Demand!! And it's a damned good one!! Dave and Pepper talk about Vodka-Face Putin of Mother Russia stealing Super Bowl rings, the NBA Finals, kissies, farties, jizzies, and MORE!! Listen to the show NOW!!
Are you happy?
a.) FUCK yeah, Dave Man!! I usually castrate three to five Roofie'd mailmen/UPS drivers a day...so I'm damned productive!!
b.) I am relatively happy, David. Relative to the squirrel who I'm currently torturing.
c.) NO, I'm not happy, Davey Mac! My mom just caught me jerking off to her wedding photo album!!
d.) As my grandfather always said, "Happiness is like a fart waiting to be sucked out of the butt of a midget."
Oh, hot dog, hot dog, hot DIGGITY dog!! This week's STELLAR episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) is NOW up on iTunes and/or RiotCast.com just for you and your personal enjoyment, you sick freak!!! So subscribe to the show and then download that shit right now, you psychopath!!!
AND...don't forget to tune in this Saturday to the Davey Mac Sports Program XL, LIVE on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!! Go to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206/XM 103) for the dick-sucking action!! Later!!
I just farted.
a.) I don't smell anything, Davey Mac!! Then again, I recently won a Who-Can-Saw-Their-Nose-Off-The-Quickest contest! So maybe THAT has something to do with it!! Ahhhhhh!!! (24%)
b.) That's gross, David. Not as gross as me shoving my fingers in a turtle butt...but gross nonetheless... (25%)
c.) I farted, TOO, Dave Man!! Maybe we can be Fart Friends and touch each other!! (26%)
d.) Fuck this poll. (25%)
Yes, gentleman and ladies...hot...sweaty...pretty ladies...oh yeah...YEAH...this post if off to a fucking SEXY start!! ...Wait. Sorry. I got side-tracked there, boys and gals...wet...big-titted...smell like chocolate syrup and 7-Up slutty gals...
...Sorry again. I haven't spanked it in six days and I think the jizz is affecting me. Anyway, this week's moist and VERY fuck-able Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) is NOW up on iTunes and/or RiotCast.com and ready to be suckled and for a pinky finger to go into its ass!! Enjoy it!! Oh YEAAHHHHHHH!! TOUCH IT!!! NOW BITE IT!!! AHHHHHRRRGHH!!
What do you like most about me?
a.) My habit of kicking racist toddlers in the face (24%)
b.) My superb canine-strangling technique which made me back-to-back champion at the 1997-98 Dog-Killing Championships (25%)
c.) My skillful ability to put feces in rest home pillow cases and have unsuspecting old people lay their elderly, naive heads on my shit when they're sleeping (25%)
d.) My talent of jerking off in public libraries, county jails, and convents (26%)
FUCK YEAH!!! It's the Davey Mac Movie-thon!! A night of East Side Dave's genius comedy videos, booze (LOTS of booze), and celebrity guests...and it will take place on June 18th at The Stand comedy club in New York City!! Join Davey Mac and other special guests for an evening of short films that will blow Martin Scorcese's fucking dick off!! Click on THIS LINK for tickets!! See you then, dogsies!!
-Dave
You trust the man in the photo above, don't you? Because if you do...you're make a BIG fucking mistake!! That man will tickle you and your loved ones inappropriately (while giggling creepily) the first chance he gets!! And nothing will ever be the same!! Anyway, risk your own personal safety by tuning in to the Davey Mac Sports Program this evening!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern for the poor if not downright illegal behavior and invasion of privacy!! Keep your dicks and pussies safe, people!! See ya!
I have been sick for at least a week. What is happening to me?
a.) Maybe putting all those rusty nails into your dick-hole has finally caught up with you, Dave Man!! You dumb son of a bitch!!! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go staple my ass to the wall!! (27%)
b.) It's possible that you have a venereal disease, David. In fact...it's downright probable. I injected you with chlamydia while you were passed out the other night. (23%)
c.) You might have what I have, Davey Mac- a bad case of Shit-AIDS. (29%)
d.) I wish I didn't have to participate in these insane polls. (21%)
For shit's sake, the shows are gosh-damned FREE!! So, go listen to this week's explosive Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) on iTunes and/or RiotCast.com!!! Enjoy stories of David and his spotted penis, Roy Shaffer's strange trip to L.A., the NBA Playoffs, Pepper's rising coke habit, and Sean O's dead baby storage facility!! It's a blockbuster episode, homies!!!
And when you're done with that, go check out our AWESOME movie show- The Watchers!!! Subscribe to and listen to the show on iTunes and/or Stitcher.com!!! The guys chat about the HBO Liberace movie (Behind The Candelabra), Oliver Stone's Savages, Will Smith's son, and MORE!! It's FUCKTACULAR!!!
Enjoy the shit, peeps!!!
It's fucking hot today...and it's gonna be hotter all weekend. How do you deal with the heat?
a.) Usually I fly up to Alaska, Dave Man, and murder three to five Eskimos! Ka-BLAM!!! (26%)
b.) In order to cool down I do what most people do, David...I stick an ice pop into my dick-hole while strangling a penguin. (25%)
c.) Shit, Davey Mac!! I LOVE warm weather!! I ALSO enjoy taking nude pictures of my mom while she is on the toilet and pinching dead people! (24%)
d.) I stay indoors and jerk off to Fargo. (25%)
Shit yeah, peeps!! The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE this evening on the Internet!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern for the shit!! Join Dave- voted "Most likely to secretly video-tape an older woman pooing in a public rest room"; Pepper- winner of the 1985 Fart Championships; Sean O- once separated a pair of Siamese twins...only to re-attach them again; and Roy Shaffer- who punched Liberace in the face...after he was dead. We'll see you this evening on the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern!! Peace!!
So much damned pollen in the air...I think I may be dying. What do you suggest I do?
a.) First, put a fire-cracker straight up your ass, Dave Man. Secondly, light it. And third, chop your dick off, you fucking cry-baby. (26%)
b.) Do what I do, David...find the nearest old person on the sidewalk and kick them in the stomach. (24%)
c.) Davey Mac, I have an excellent home remedy for getting better! Go to the puppy store and get your FUCK on!! (27%)
d.) I'm calling the police on options A, B, and especially C. (23%)
