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We went to see the excellent Patrice O'Neal benefit last night! Great show! Who was your favorite comedian? (pictured below)
a.) Colin Quinn (17%)
b.) Jim Norton (17%)
c.) Bob Kelly (17%)
d.) Buddy Peppers (16%)
e.) Rufus Smalley (15%)
f.) Eric Roberts (18%)
RIP, Patrice!!
It's ON, turkeys!! The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!! Tune it to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, for a mind-blowingly happy time that will make you more euphoric than Rachel Ray on Ecstasy!! Topics for the show include:
* TV psychiatrist, Dr. Hank, discusses his new memoir- "In Order To Quiet My Wife, I Sometimes Tie Her To The Radiator And Fart On Her Face"
* We give you the Six Easy Steps on how to jump out from behind your mailbox and choke out your mailman without him knowing any fucking better!
* Milk- it looks a little like jizz, doesn't it?
* World-class pogo-stick jumper, Marty Plum, talks about the time he pushed his rival, Jimmy Flank, off his stick and into a vat of flesh-eating acid
* Jimmy Flank drops by to chat about his autobiography- "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! My Face Is Melting!!!"
* And Dave & Pepper engage in a fun "Who can shove the most peanut M&M's in their dick-hole" contest!
It's gonna be fun! See you Saturday evening!!
Who was your favorite judge on American Idol? (pictured below)
a.) Simon Cowell (19%)
b.) Paula Abdul (16%)
c.) Johnny Beefton (21%)
d.) Tiffany Blurples (24%)
e.) Tony Fantastica (20%)
Be forewarned, Dave Pound!! This week's episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) is so fucking great that it is seriously possible that you will involuntarily shove a knife into your anus or the anus of a small animal that you love! It's a special Valentine's Day episode and it's available NOW on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!! Download the shit for free and enjoy!! The guys talk about The Godfather movies, Mike Francesa's weekly fuck-up, lies, deceits, love, temptation, murder, and MORE!! Plus, a special performance of "Home Sweet Home" and Dave's ode to Bruce Springsteen are done!! It's a show so damned awesome that as we are writing this, we are delicately putting our privates on the heads of our puppets! GO to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes NOW for the show!! Peace!!
Happy Valentine's Day! What do you have planned?
a.) I'm gonna get liquored up and fart on my wife's head, Davey Mac!! Wooo-hoooo!! (25%)
b.) I don't have a valentine (again) this year, David. That's why I'll be staying home and jerking off my pet pigeon Rocky. (24%)
c.) I plan on taking my sweetie out to the movies and forcing her at gunpoint to give me a hand-job!! Love is in the air!! (26%)
d.) I just pissed myself. (25%)
YES, you wonderful sons of bitches!! The Davey Mac Sports Program is gonna ride the lighting and fuck the thunder, LIVE, this evening!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, for the broadcast!! Join David, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer as they chat about who fucking knows what!! Honestly!! The Super Bowl is now long gone!! There is no damned baseball going on!! March Madness is still a month away!! We have no idea what we are gonna fucking do!!! Help!!! Anyway, see you this evening, babies!!
What actor would YOU choose to have portray me in the thrilling movie of my exceptional life story?
(options pictured below)
a.) Eric Stoltz (19%)
b.) The red-haired guy from Modern Family (21%)
c.) Red-headed Brendan Fraser in Bedazzled (22%)
d.) Fat Bastard (18%)
e.) The Red Freak-Monster from Looney Tunes (20%)
Mike Francesa (pictured below), radio host at WFAN in New York City, has a large head. Do you agree?
a.) Yes. It looks like his head is slowly eating the rest of his body. (27%)
b.) I can't make a judgement on the head due to that very WIDE body!! Boo-ya!! (26%)
c.) I just pissed my pants. (23%)
d.) I wonder how big his dicky is...yowza! (24%)
Yeah, Dave Pound!! The "greatest show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio" (according to a retarded man named Alfred), the Davey Mac Sports Program XL, is NOW up in the On Demand section!! Listen to us bounce on Mike Francesa's fat stomach; hear us engage in biological warfare; observe us chopping off several dicks at the Super Bowl party; witness us inappropriately rubbing Cousin Brucie's thighs; and MORE! It's the BEST sports show in the world!! Hear it NOW, mother-fuckers!! It's the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on The Opie & Anthony Channel!! In the Sirius XM ON DEMAND section!! Let's fart!!
How bad were you hit by the blizzard over the weekend?
a.) We got NOTHING where I live, Davey Mac!! Thus, I spent most of the day outdoors, jamming fire-crackers into my ass!!! (26%)
b.) I wasn't affected too badly by the weather, David. We got six inches...of cock!! Wooo-hooo!! (24%)
c.) We were completely snowed in, Dave Man!! At least, I think we were!! The last thing I remember was drinking moon-shine and dropping acid and for some reason feeling warm under the snow-flakes!! Yowza!! (23%)
d.) The blizzard was the least of our worries, Dave. Our insane neighbor ate LSD and drank home-made booze and lit our house on fire. (27%)
Yeah!! You fuckin' heard right!! FUCK the blizzard in its large, white ass. David and Pepper are coming in to the Sirius XM Satellite Radio headquarters in New York City to do the show- LIVE!! Go ahead, Jack Frost, suck our fucking cocks!! We hit the shit at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, on The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!!! Yeah, that's right!! We're gonna jizz all over Mother Nature's fat tits!!! Like those assholes the Perfect Strangers, ain't NOTHIN' gonna stop us now!!!
They say a blizzard is gonna hit the Northeast. Are you prepared?
a.) Fuck yeah, Davey Mac!! I have shovels! Lime!! Duct tape!! And a machete!! Everything one would need to bury a body, I mean, be safe from the snow!! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go into the woods!! (26%)
b.) I don't worry about things I can't control, like weather, David. What makes me nervous is bleeding out when I've stabbed myself in the dick-hole too hard. (24%)
c.) I can't WAIT to make cum-angels in the snow, Dave Man!! (25%)
d.) I just hope my car doesn't break down while I'm driving to the store for milk and bread and porn and guns and poison and smurf dolls and dynamite and fart-cushions and naked pictures of Dan Fouts. (25%)
Oh, FUCK YES!! This week's spine-tingly Davey Mac Sports Program Super Bowl Recap is now available on iTunes! Subscribe to the show now! Or check it out on RiotCast.com!!! Lots of shit too fucked-up to talk about here happens!! OK, ok, we'll give you one teaser- at some point, someone stands up and shoots Pepper at point blank range. There. No big deal. Listen to the show now by subscribing to the Davey Mac Sports Program on iTunes!!!
AND, hear our movie show- The Watchers!!! It's our highly-entertaining broadcast that discusses movies and Hollywood and showbiz and shit!! Available via subscription on iTunes and/or Stitcher.com!!!
Bam!! Two Davey Mac's!! Two new shows!! And two poops!! All for YOU!!! Peace!!
Who farted? (pictured below)
a.) Me (17%)
b.) You (19%)
c.) The President (21%)
d.) Dom (22%)
e.) Kenny (21%)
Oh, yes, dogsies!! It's Wednesday!! And you know what that means!! Besides being Fart Time...it's the Davey Mac Sports Program!! LIVE on Ustream!! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, for the show voted Best of 2012 by the iTunes Editorial Team!! We're gonna rock hard and fast!! And definitely in a NON-sexual manner!! We didn't want to imply any kind of sexual manner...but we are gonna caress the SHIT out of this episode and feel it up and down and in and out!!! Oooooh yeaaaaahhhh!!! But we're not implying anything sexual!! No!! 'Tis not what we are doing!! We are simply saying that we are gonna fuck the shit out of this show and cum all over its face!!! But NOT in a sexual manner!!!! See you this evening!!
I've lost over twenty pounds since Christmas. Why is this happening?
a.) You should start drinking some milk-shakes and cease fuckin' your dog, Davey Mac!!! (22%)
b.) I, too, have lost some weight, David...mainly because I've been injected my ass with nuclear rabbit semen. (24%)
c.) Maybe that's a good thing, Dave Man!!! Now we can finally go tandem hang-gliding-and-high-bear-hunting together!! You bring the hang-glide, I'll bring the LSD and machine gun!! (28%)
d.) Stop eating AIDS babies, Dave. (26%)
How did you like the Super Bowl?
a.) It was fuckin' great, Davey Mac!! I did so much acid that at one point I'm pretty sure Beyonce's head morphed into the football and Ray Lewis punted it out of the fucking stadium!!! Touchdown!! (26%)
b.) I didn't watch the game, David. I was too busy dressing up my rabbits like little priests so that they could molest mice they I had dressed up as little kids. (24%)
c.) I loved it, Dave Man!!! I drank so much turpentine that I only strangled three bus drivers!!! Yeeehhaaww!! (27%)
d.) Fuck! I thought the Super Bowl was THIS Sunday!! I really need to stop lighting my day-planner on fire every time I smoke angel dust!! (23%)
That's right, cheetohs!! The Davey Mac Sports Program XL has brand new material coming straight at you on Super Bowl SATURDAY on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!! Tune in at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the show!! We're gonna have booze!! Guns!! Wagers!! Anger!! Prostitution!! Hemp-constructed footballs!! Home-made bombs!! Store-made knives!! Poisoned snacks!! And MORE!! It's a Super Bowl Special you MUST hear!! We'll see you saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!! Peace!!
The Super Bowl is this Sunday!! What do you have planned?!
a.) I'm gonna probably drive to the deli before kickoff and blow the place to fucking HELL with dynamite I found in the woods, Davey Mac!! Those sons of bitches still owe me money from betting on last year's game!! (25%)
b.) I don't like football, David. I prefer sitting at home and stapling little brushes to the heads of mice so that it looks like they have mohawks. (26%)
c.) I'm so psyched for the Super Bowl, Dave Man!! I usually get so drunk and whacked out on PCP that I end up slitting two to four neighbors' throats!!! Yeeehhaaww!! (24%)
d.) I just hope it's a close game. And I also hope I can somehow get my dick out of this jar of needles. In full disclosure, I should never have super-glued it there in the first place. (25%)
Oh, yes, good kiddies!! This week's episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program is now up RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes to be downloaded (for free) and sucked on!! It's a Super Bowl Special and it hits harder than Carlo Rizzi smacking Connie Corleone around even though she cooked him dinner for fuck's sake!! I mean, she had JUST made Carlo his fucking supper!!! And NOW he wants to go out on the town?!?! I don't fucking think so, Carlo!!!
Anyway, we give a Super Bowl musical medley that MUST be heard!! We talk Harbaugh brothers!! We accuse one another of cheating and drug abuse!! Six midgets get shot in their asses!! A donkey is thrown off the roof of our studio in the heart of Times Square!! And MORE!! Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for the shit!!!
