Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 26)

  What are we going to do this weekend?

a.) What do you mean "we", Dave Man?!  I wouldn't hang out with you if you were the last, adult, red-headed, bed-wetting, nearly-retarded, sociopath who farts in his sleep on Earth, you fucking creep!!! (23%)

b.) I thought we'd have a nice night...just you and I, David...staying in...wearing each other's semen on our faces...together...bonded in bliss...our Cum Masks sparkling in the moonlight... (26%)

c.) I say you come to my house and PARTAY, Davey Mac!!  We'll get some beer, and liquor, and pot, and coke, and acid, and anthrax, and cyanide, and poisonous darts, and rabbits with rabies, and old-timey 1800's prostitutes with soars on their mouths, and a nuclear bomb and we'll have a fucking ball!!!  Yeeeeeeeoooooww!! (27%)

d.) I can't go anywhere until I find my keys and my jar of of feces, Dave, and you know that!!! (24%)\

This week's EPIC HALLOWEEN Davey Mac Special is now available!! Take a listen!!

  Ooooooooooooh, FUCK YEAH!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program Halloween Special (online version) is NOW up on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  Download this shit for FREE and enjoy!!  We talk about the Evil World Series!!  We sing Bloody Halloween Carols!!  We discuss the Spooky Lance Armstrong!!  We sacrifice a live cat and drink its blood!!  We confess several Scary Crimes!!  We murder the janitor who mistakenly enters the studio during a live broadcast!!  Then we chop up his body parts and mail them back to his impoverished family in Cuba with a hand-written note attached that says "Look at what happened to Papi."  Join Davey Mac, Pepper, Sean O & Roy Shaffer as they Halloween the fuck out of your ass!!!  Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes...and remember to catch our show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio, Saturday on The Opie & Anthony Channel at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific...IF you're not too afraid...muhahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 25)

  How are you feeling today?

a.) I feel GREAT, Dave Man!!  I just came back from the County Fair where my dog Chumpy won the blue ribbon for "Biggest Dog Dick"!!  I just knew he'd do it!!  And you know what Chumpy's gonna get for his win?!  That's right- a nice, hand-job from yours truly!!  Good dog, Chumpy! (24%)

b.) My day is not very good, David.  I just found out that sticking porcupine needles in your dick-hole is a very painful enterprise...oh well...(23%)

c.) Shhhh!!!!  I'd tell you how I was feeling, Davey Mac, but I can't talk right now!!  I'm hiding under my bed from the cops!!  Apparently spraying feces that you've liquified and loaded into a Super Soaker at children waiting at a school bus stop is a crime these days!!!  Shhhhh!!! (26%)

d.) I'll be feeling a lot better after I blow up (name extracted for legal reasons)'s fucking car with dynamite and (act extracted for legal reasons) in her fucking (body part extracted for creepy reasons), the fucking (sexist slur extracted for taste reasons). (27%)

The Dave Man and the Mother-Fuckers are LIVE TONIGHT on Ustream!!! Be there!!!

  Shit yes!!  You got that fucking headline right!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program ("The show I most enjoy jerking off to!" - Maury Povich) is LIVE this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Watch David, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer in the "show I most prefer listening to while I put carrots in my vagina!" - Connie Chung.  It's the program that has been heralded as "the greatest thing I've ever seen since Connie's carrot trick!" - Maury Povich.  On this week's episode watch a special guest "slam Maury over the head with one of his own dildo's!" - Connie Chung.  We'll see you homies this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 24)

  I have an audition with MTV today.  Wish me luck!

a.) Good luck, Dave Man!  I'm sure you'll nail it...meaning that you'll probably end up taking out a hammer and nailing your dick to a Real World sign.  Peace!! (24%)

b.) Well, I'd say "Good luck", David, but I don't watch MTV.  In fact, I don't watch television in general.  I do, on the other hand, hand-knit quilts made from flesh that I've personally ripped off old people's faces. (23%)

c.) Break a leg, Davey Mac!!  Seriously!!  I need the fucking money!!  -Dr. Joseph Broke, struggling orthopedist (27%)

d.) Whatever you do, Dave, make SURE that you don't cum on Snooki's head!!!  That's a lawsuit waiting to happen!! (26%)

Poll-verzing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 23)

  Who are you going to vote for, for President?

a.) President Obama (20%)

b.) Governor Romney (19%)

c.) Senator Poo (21%)

d.) Congressman Cum (18%)

e.) Representative Rape (22%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 22)

  Do you think people are taking these polls seriously?

a.) I take these polls about as seriously as I take a nice, hot candle in the ass, Dave Man!!  Ooooohhhhh!!! (23%)

b.) I take them very seriously, David.  I like to vote in the polls right before I draw a unicorn on my fore-head and take a shit in a supermarket (aisle seven). (26%)

c.) I'm not sure what the word "seriously" means, Dave.  Does it have something to do with choking a monkey?  If so, then the answer is "yes." (24%)

d.) I just wish I owned a firemen's poll.  I'd like to slide down it nude while my stuffed animals watched on. (27%)

Davey Mac & Pepper- LIVE this Saturday on Sirius XM!! And they'll have snacks and guns for the first ten callers!

  FUCK YEAH!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE this Saturday at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  Just tune to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the weirdness!!!  Call us at 866-WOW-1-WOW!!  Listen as Davey Mac & Pepper destroy the FUCK out of the WORLD!!!  Topics for the show include:

* The Meatball Gang (Franz, Butch & Timothy) talk about their hysterical new documentary- "The Meatball Gang Abducts Another Lebanese Woman And Sells Her To South Americans"

* Pete Rose stops by again and gets bitten on the dick...by Dave?  Or Pepper?  A mystery ensues!!!

* George Hamilton plugs his new tanning cream called Ouch, My Face Hurts!

* Rex Ryan is forced at gunpoint to eat a live animal that's been dipped in apple sauce

* Country star, Calvin Tickle, sings his new song "Red, White & Blue- Let's Fuck Up 'Dem Canadians"

* And the Murphy Brothers, Choco & Van, talk about their new reality show on TLC- Someone Put Sticks In Our Asses

See you guys Saturday on Sirius XM!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 19)

  What are you going to do tonight?

a.) Partay 'till my DICK EXPLODES, Dave Man!!  Drink-drink-drink-and-OUCH!!!!  My dick just exploded!!!  This was a mistake!!  Ahhhhhhh!!!!! (26%)

b.) I am gonna have a nice, quiet evening of reading and silently choking out my neighbor's pets, David. (25%)

c.) I have no IDEA what I'm gonna do!!!  I just got shot in the ass by a cop!!  That's what I get for rubbing up against old people in the park!! (24%)

d.) I think I'm gonna have a fun night of lighting my face on fire. (25%)

This week's Davey Mac online show is ready to be touched by YOU!!! Enjoy!!!

  Damn straight, jelly beans!!  This week's episode of the number one independent sports show on the Internet, the Davey Mac Sports Program, is NOW up on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  It's a FREE download and it rocks the dick HARD!!  Join Dave, Pepper, Sean O & Roy Shaffer as we discuss all of the A-Rod nonsense, we play a voice message from Dave's upset mother, and we perform a special Primus song just for YOU!!  It's shit so good that it doesn't even stink!!  How about THAT?!  So go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for an adventure more fun than getting licked in the ass by a dwarf!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave poll of the Day- Oct. 18)

  What is your favorite Stanley Kubrick porn film?

a.) The Jizzing (25%)

b.) A Cockwork Cummage (26%)

c.) Full Anal Jacket (24%)

d.) 2001: A Fuck Odyssey (25%)

Davey Mac, Pepper, Sean O & Roy pump it LIVE this evening on Ustream!

  Yeah, homies!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program (aka the most beautiful thing anyone can see outside of Thom Yorke's right eye...or is it his left eye...I don't know...they BOTH creep me out) is LIVE this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Join David, Pepper, Sean O & Roy Shaffer as they sacrifice a small animal, a small person, and a small pizza LIVE on the air!!  BAM!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 17)

  Does anything even matter anymore?

a.) Fuck yeah, Dave Man!!!  I just bought a new power saw!!  It's dick-chopping time!!  Tally-hooooooooooo!!!!!! (24%)

b.) No.  No, it does not, David.  My pet turtle, Col. Sparkplug, just died.  Now who am I gonna fuck? (25%)

c.) I don't know what this poll is referring to Davey Mac and I don't care!!  I just found twenty dollars on the sidewalk!!  Time to get a Samoan, midget, drunk, blind, one-legged hooker!! (25%)

d.) Yes, things matter, Dave.  After all, I just farted in a cup. (26%)

Poll-verizing (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 16)

  Is marriage a mistake?

a.) No!  Marriage isn't a mistake, Dave Man!!  Sticking your dick next to a lawn mower blade is a fucking mistake!!!  Owwwwwwwww!!!!! (25%)

b.) I don't think marriage is necessarily a mistake; it's being in the same house with a fucking psychopath who has destroyed your life which is the mistake!!! (26%)

c.) Marriage is GREAT, Davey Mac!  I got hitched to my brother's mother last week and---wait...I married my mom?!?!?!  Ahhhhhhhh!!! (25%)

d.) I don't believe in mistakes, David.  I only believe in jerking off on my dog's head. (24%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 15)

  I think my car is going to break down soon.  What should I do?

a.) If your car is about to die, Dave Man, do what I always do...drive that thing straight into a bus of old people on their way to Atlantic City!!!  Yeeeeeeeeee!!!! (24%)

b.) Maybe you could trade it in for a new car, David.  Preferably one with lots of dried cum stains on it. (25%)

c.) You should get a motorcycle, Davey Mac!!!  You should ALSO get a little dog that you could name Hector and the two of you could go on adventures together and lick each other and kiss each other and, boy, I think the LSD is kicking in!! (25%)

d.) Cars are for suckers, Diddy.  I like to walk when I'm on the move.  I just get up and go to the first women's bathroom that I see and set up a hidden webcam so that I can put video of girls peeing online!  Boom! (26%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave poll of the Day- Oct. 12)

  What do you say...should we do this?!  I say- Let's Do's This!!!

a.) Fuck yeah, Dave Man!!!  Just let me get the piranhas and jizz-lube and human cage and butterscotch and shackles and toothpaste and poison darts!!!  Sounds like a great fucking time ahhhhhahahahahahaha!!!! (25%)

b.) David, today's poll is vague and confusing.  Having said that, I'm interpreting your poll to mean that you want me to help you kidnap a C-List celebrity and lock him/her in your basement while we force-feed him/her ice cream cake.  My choice- Mr. Anthony Michael Hall.  Is that what you meant, David...I hope it is. (26%)

   c.) I'll do whatever you want, Davey Mac!!!  Especially if it has something to do with fucking animals!! (25%)

d.) I can't WAIT to "do's this", Dave!  I just need to clean my dick-hole first!! (24%)

Davey Mac and Peppy- LIVE & Giggling on Sirius XM this Saturday at 7 PM EST, 4 Pacific!

  As Randy "Macho Man" Savage said- Oooooooh yeaaaahhh!!  The glorious Davey Mac Sports Program XL chugs along this Saturday like a choo-choo train that runs on beer and farts!!  "East Side" Dave McDonald, fresh off his emergency medical procedure (he had a mouse surgically attached to his ass), will be ready to rock!!  Chris "Pepper" Stanley, released from Queens Prison (he raped a balloon), will be ready to roll!!  And we want YOU to join the magic!!  Tune in this Saturday to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Call in at 866-WOW-1-WOW!  Topics for the show shall include:

* Peanuts- it's weird that we eat a food that has the word "pee" and "nut" in it...it's kinda gross when you think about it...

* Dave & Pepper interview Pete Rose and then chop his arms off

* Legendary game show host, Guy Parlington (from TV's "The Eight Thousand Dollar Chair"), discusses his new memoir- I Drugged Two Of The Prize Girls On My Show And Then Had Sex With Their Mouths While They Were Passed Out Behind The Eight Thousand Dollar Chair

* Famous cat trainer, Jorge Alvarez, discusses his controversial cat-training method which he calls- "Beating Your Cat With A Wooden Spoon"

* Cheese- has anyone ever choked to death on it?  This should be an episode on House.

* And golfer Franz MacIntyre talks about the time he ate a golf ball while on acid and drew racist pictures of Tiger Woods

We'll see you homies on Saturday!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 11)

  Today's date is 10-11-12!!!  Isn't that CRAZY?!?!

a.) No crazier than the time I ate my grand-mother, Dave Man!!!  Ahhh-hahahaha!!! (25%)

b.) David, you always think things that are quite ordinary are peculiar.  The truth is, most things in life are very normal.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to check on my penis...which I've chopped off and am currently boiling with some peeled potatoes.  Good day. (26%)

c.) Dates and numbers are so fucked up, Davey Mac!!  I remember last year it was 11/11/11 and on that day I start having sex with my rabbit, Hercules!!!  WEIRD!!! (24%)

d.) Time is just a figment of your imagination, Dave.  Or so I like to think as I'm presently on strong acid.  By the way, Dave, when did you replace your head with a giant ice cream cone? (25%)

This week's Davey Mac and Paul Simon Tribute show is now up and MUST be heard! Now!!!

  That's right, dogsies!!  After learning on Twitter from, quite frankly, some very suspicious and unreliable sources that Paul Simon has gone missing...the Davey Mac Sports Program runs with it and does a special Paul Simon Tribute show anyway!!!  Listen to this week's very touching episode NOW on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!!  Hear us as we pray for the safe return of Paul Simon; plus call Mike Francesa fat; plus-plus suspect that ESPN's Cris Carter might be on crack again!!  It's a good one!!  Don't be embarrassed to shed a tear as I MYSELF am currently crying...but that's only because someone put a switch-blade into my dick-hole!!  So go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes RIGHT NOW for the free download!!  Peace!!!

David McDonald and his Ensemble of Drugged-Out Magicians are LIVE tonight at 7 PM EST on Ustream! Bring The Magic!

  Yes, ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls and hobbits and ewoks!  The Davey Mac Sports Program, AKA "The most wonderful thing that's ever existed" - as quoted by random drunken man #4 who was paid five bucks to say that, is LIVE this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  WATCH the show in all its chicken-fuck glory!!!  View "East Side" Davey Mac as he climbs an elephant's cock!!  Witness Chris "Pepper" Stanley leap through the terrifying Ring Of Jizz!!  Observe Sean O attempt to set the record for most Beer-Shits taken in an hour!!!  And see Roy Shaffer beat a python to death with his keyboard!!!  It's gonna be grrrrrrrreat!!!  We'll see you this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Peace!!!