Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 10)

  I think I may be coming down with a cold or something...is it flu season?

a.) No...but it is POO Season, Dave Man!!  And I've just SHIT all over this damned poll!!!  Hahahahahaha!!! (25%)

b.) I think I'm coming down with something, too, David.  I really have to stop fucking AIDS corpses every second Thursday of the Month. (24%)

c.) I have the sniffles as well, Davey Mac!!!  I really need to stop shoving my nose into penguin asses every third Wednesday of the Month!!! (25%)

d.) I feel fit as a fiddle, Dave!  Although, I did recently blow up a pet store because a voice named "Pee Pee Peter" told me to!!  What, Pee Pee?  You want me to blow up the computer of whoever is reading this shit?!  OK!!  BOOOOM!!! (26%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave poll of the Day- Oct. 9)

  With Halloween fast approaching, I ask you, what's your favorite candy?

a.) Snickers (12%)

b.) M&M's (13%)

c.) Jizzlers (15%)

d.) Three Fuckateers (14%)

e.) Hershey's Piss (15%)

f.) Shit-Shat Bar (15%)

g.) Cummy Bears (16%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 8, 2012)

  This is the new James Holmes (the Aurora, CO shooter) Halloween mask that was on sale on eBay.  What do you think?

a.) I am offended!!!  His hair is even redder than YOURS, Dave Man, you ginger freaks!! (24%)

b.) I would NEVER wear a mask of someone who actually MURDERED people.  That's wrong.  Having said that, has anyone seen my Hitler mustache and wig?  What?  Hitler just ORDERED people to be killed!!!  It's a BIG difference!!! (25%)

c.) Maybe I'll wear it and go on a shooting spree and then get arrested and while in jail they put a Halloween mask of MY face out, wearing James Homes' face, and then some guy puts THAT mask on and goes on another shooting spree and on and on and on!!  Like some kind of sick, automatic-weapon, Ummagumma thing!!! (26%)

d.) I'd rather they make a mask of a fart.  That would be cool.  I'd wear that shit. (25%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 5)

  Do you want to be friends with me?

a.) SURE, Dave Man!  But first I have to bury my sister alive for breaking my X-Box!!  Bitch!!! (25%)

b.) I don't have any time for friendship, David...I'm focused solely on my career.  I work as Sicky the Sexy Clown, and I'm trying to perfect my routine of juggling dildo's and pocket vagina'a.  Sorry! (26%)

c.) I'd like to be friends with you, Dave, but my mom just chopped off my dick...again... (24%)

d.) Yes, Davey Mac!!!  Let's be friends!!  And then we can go places and watch movies and tickle each other and fart on each other's heads and kill animals together and burn down buildings and blow up my ex-wife's house and scalp my ex-wife and throw my ex-wife into a shark tank to be eaten!!!  Yeeeehhaaaww!! (25%)

The Dave Man! The Pepper Stan! The Sirius XM! Saturday at 7 PM EST!

  Oh, yes, chums!  It's the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!  LIVE on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!!  Tune in to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the goodness!!!  Special Guest- Davey Mac Bandleader from the RiotCast/iTunes show, Emmy Award-winner, Mr. Roy Shaffer will be joining us!!!  Let's fucking ROCK it!!!  Topics for the show shall include:

* Pizza- why it's better to put it in your mouth rather than your dick-hole!

* Former GOP Presidential Candidate, Senator Chuck Flucky, will discuss his new memoir- Let's Get Rid Of Mexican People, I Shot My Mistress When I Found Out That She Was Pregnant, Rather Than Pay Taxes I Sell Sex Toys To The IRS, and 47 other things I shouldn't have admitted while giving a speech in Kentucky

* Hollywood producer Joel McCockenberg talks about his latest blockbuster, The Robots Change Into Vampires In Order To Have Sex With Zombies IV, and then farts in Pepper's face.

* Teeth:  Good for chewing stuff?  We'll get to the bottom of this mysterious question that has baffled pundits for years!

* Famous astronaut, Wizz Tuffington, speaks about his new Discovery Channel special- "We Fucked In Space- Me, Jim, Bob- All Of Us- We ALL Fucked Each Other In Space- We Had To Stay Warm SOMEHOW!"

* And hysterical prank caller, Lenny Clam, plays his greatest and funniest call- "Is this Vinny's Pizza Shop? Is this Vinny?  Hi Vinny, I just kidnapped your daughter and if you don't pay me thirty thousand dollars in two hours I'm gonna shoot her in the head."

See you guys on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!!  Adios!!!

A new episode of the Davey Mac show (aka the best fucking show in the world) is up NOW! Listen to it!

  This week's sizzling HOT Davey Mac Sports Program is up and available and on FIRE, dog!!!  Just go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for an episode so fantastic that Todd Bridges proudly stated, "I'm GLAD Gary Coleman is dead!!  You hear that, Gary?!  I'm GLAD you're dead!!"  Davey Mac, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer talk about the finer things in life- Playoff Baseball, having the flu, slapping a horse in the face, upside down dicks, bread and butter, and MORE!!!  It's a show so good that Joe Di Maggio Jr. exclaimed- "The Davey Mac Sports Program is so much fun that it killed me!!!  Yes!!!  It was the Davey Mac Sports Program!!!  NOT the heroin!!  I repeat!!  NOT the heroin!!"  So head to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for the FREE download of the best show in the world!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 4)

  What did you think of the Presidential Debate last night?

a.) I didn't watch it.  Horny Alien-Whores Disguised As Robot-Housewife-Slut-Bags On A Deserted Bang Island was on Cinemax 3. (25%)

b.) I thought Obama went over the line when he came out dressed in black-face...huh?...WHAT???  Obama's black?!?!  Get outta town!!! (24%)

  c.) It would have been so much cooler if Mitt Romney had a chainsaw for an arm.  And then Romney could try to retrieve the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis...but make sure you say the RIGHT words, Romney!! Klaatu verata nicto!!  Repeat those words, Romney, repeat them!! (26%)

  d.) I didn't view it last night as I was busy sucking my dog's dick. (25%)

 

Episode THREE of the The Watchers (featuring Dave, Pepper, Sean and Roy) is NOW UP on iTunes! Fuck it!

  A new, kick-ass episode of The Watchers is up and ready to get fucked on iTunes!!  Download the shit for free and smoke some pot and drink some booze and rent an air balloon and grab some puppets and hire a couple of dwarves and have a good, fucking time!!

What is The Watchers?  A new Davey Mac & Friends podcast dedicated entirely to movies, movies, and movies!!  You'll smell the fucking popcorn, baby!!  But don't eat it!!  You don't know where it's been!!

How much money is the download?  It's for fucking FREE, honey-do!!  I said that already!!  Pay attention!!

Why are these questions in italics?  How the shit should I know?!  YOU'RE the one asking them, tummy-tuck!!!

So go iTunes for The Watchers!  NEW EPISODE!  Arrivederci, baby!!

Davey Mac and the Boys From Hell are LIVE tonight at 7 PM Eastern! Be there!

  FUCKING 'A, daddy-legs!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  WATCH the show LIVE!!  Listen to the show LIVE!!  Jerk off to the show LIVE!!  Tickle the show LIVE!!  LIVE the show LIVE!!  Join Davey Mac- Friend Of Animals, Pepper- Chocolate Thunder, Sean O- The Meat Man, and Roy Shaffer- Electric Jizz.  We'll discuss the baseball pennant races, Tony Romy sucko, the Presidential debate, archery, living with midgets, and MORE!!  Join us at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Peace!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 3)

  I can't believe it's already October Third!  Can you?

a.) Being that I have a calendar on my phone, watch, car, television, computer, office, refrigerator, under-sized dildo, fake vomit, dead donkey...YES!!!  I CAN fucking believe the damned date, Dave Man, get your head out of your ass!!! (23%)

b.) Fuck that!!  I can't believe that no one has found out yet that I once jerked off on Estelle Getty's laptop!!! (26%)

c.) I am always amazed at how quickly time goes by, too, David.  I also am amazed that ants can carry weight 100 times heavier than their bodies and that Lou Ferrigno's cum is NOT green. (24%)

d.) I can believe that it's October 3rd, Davey Mac!!  I CAN'T believe that I just glued my dog to my head to make the world's first "Bark Hat"!!! (27%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 2)

  What was your favorite old school Nintendo game?

a.) Super Mario Brothers (20%)

b.) Paperboy (16%)

c.) Fart Time! (21%)

d.) Homeless Mario Brothers (23%)

e.) Blowjob Town! (20%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 1)

  It's officially Halloween season!  Are you excited?!

a.) Fuck yeah, Dave Man!!!  I'm building some AWESOME real-life booby traps in front of my house for the 31st!!  The amount of beheaded and/or de-limbed children is gonna be INSANE!!!  Here's a hint, kids, stay away from the fucking doorbell!!!  Hahahaha!!! (26%)

b.) I've hated Halloween ever since I went to Option A's house four years ago and got my arms cut off.  Now how am I gonna eat bite-sized Snickers with no arms?!?! (24%)

c.) I can't wait for Halloween, Davey Mac!  I'm thinking of dressing up as a guy who likes to jerk off in pet shops.  Basically, I'll just be wearing my own clothes.  I probably won't shower, either...trick or treat!!!!!!!! (26%)

d.) I'm gonna scare people by shooting them in the ass from my attic window with my rifle!!!!  Happy Halloween- BAM!!!! (24%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 28)

  The Feds think they may have a lead on where Jimmy Hoffa's body is (in suburban Detroit).  What do YOU think happened to him?

a.) I believe the Giants Stadium thing.  Not so much that he is buried underneath it...but that he became a black linebacker for the team to hide from the Mafia and tallied ten sacks in 1976! (25%)

b.) I've always suspected what most people suspect- that Jimmy Hoffa was abducted by my grandmother, who has kept Hoffa captive in her attic while she ties him down to a chair and feeds him carrot cake every two days. (24%)

c.) I don't know what happened to Hoffa and I don't care!!  My dick just fell off!!! (25%)

d.) Well, according to the movie, Hoffa was blown up in the Death Star.  Hold on.  Wait.  Yeah, I'm thinking of Return of the Jedi...nevermind. (26%)

Davey Mac and the Pepper Boy! LIVE on Sirius XM on Saturday! Join us for giggles and shit!

  Well, gosh-golly, furry-friends!!!  It's another glorious episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program XL - Saturday - on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!!  To listen to the show LIVE, tune to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Call in at 866-WOW-1-WOW!!!  It's gonna be heavier than Heavy D!!  It's gonna be sweatier than Sweaty F!!!  It's gonna be jizzier than Jizzy H!!!  Topics for the show include:

* Peanuts- why you don't need to put them in your dog's butt every Christmas Eve

* Actress Reese Witherspoon stops by!  No!  We're just fucking around!

* But we DO see who can hit themselves hardest with a spoon on the dick!

* Dr. Maury Pillpee talks about his new show on the WB- Dr. Maury Wants To Have Sex With Teenagers

* Heralded, horror, short story writer Philip DeChippo discusses his new frightening tale- Little Teddy's Ghost Looks Like Powdered Jizz

* Pencil shavings- put them on a sundae if you want to...but we're telling you...sprinkles taste better

* Comedian Dougie Funkles does his famous and hysterical routine- "I'm seriously considering killing my wife and throwing her body in the river and telling the authorities that a black man kidnapped her."

See you guys on Saturday!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 27)

  What Animal would win in a Battle To The Death?

a.) Animal from The Muppets (29%)

b.) The Animal Rob Schneider (6%)

c.) Animal Lector (17%)

d.) George "The Animal" Steele (18%)

e.) Davey "Animal" Mac (30%)

A special (not in a retarded way) & NEW episode of the Davey Mac show (in a retarded way) is NOW available!

  Come on, daddy-peach!!  Grab this week's Davey Mac Sports Program (online) like the slippery dick it is and try to hold on to it for seven minutes!!!  Go ahead!!  I bet you can't do it!!!  Oooh!!  Ooohh, you got a hold of that dick (meaning SHOW), didn't you?!  Well, good for you, pal, your a loyal dickener (meaning listener)!!!  Grab the dick (SHOW) from RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  It's for free!!!  It's fun!!!  And it's throbbing real hard (meaning dick, NOT the show)!!!  Dave, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer tackle the Replacement Refs controversy, we perform one of the greatest songs ever written, we kill two janitors, and MUCH more fun!!  Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for the hijinks!!!  Peace!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 26)

  What the Hell is going on?!?!

a.) YOU tell me, Dave Man!!!  I found a pair of slippers with the initials D.M. in my wife's car!!!  And they were filled with jizz!!!! (27%)

b.) I don't know what's going on!!!!  Someone hit me over the head and now I think I'm Alex from Taxi!!!!  Latka, put that down!!!  Louie, you're a real jerk!!!  Elaine, shut the fuck up!!!!  HELP!!!!!!!! (24%)

c.) Ahhhhhh!!!!  There's things crawling all over my ass!!!  Ahhhh!!!  I think it's my uncle's fingers again!!!  Ahhhhhh!!!! (23%)

d.) We gotta get outta here!!!  I just panicked and put my pet parrot in the microwave!!!  Specifically on DEFROST for 1:30!!!  Then I put him on HIGH for 2:00!!!  Then I made a nice little salsa dish and dipped him in it while I watched a My So-Called Life marathon on MTV2!!!   It's Armageddon I tells ya!!! (26%)

The Dave Man and his Loyal Mother-Fuckers are LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern on Ustream!! And YOU are invited!!

  Shit yes, baby-grapes!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is gonna bring the saliva and spittle HARD tonight at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Davey Mac will be in the house!  David is a well-known pornography addict and dreams of one day killing someone on an island.  Chris "Pepper" Stanley shall be there!  Pepper likes to snort things and often hides objects under his couch.  Sean O will make an appearance!  Sean enjoys para-sailing while intoxicated and once threatened a monk.  And Roy Shaffer is gonna rock it!  Roy is a gifted keyboard player and once called Haley Joel Osment a "little cunt."  So bring your ass to Ustream and/or RiotCast.com at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific, for a show so great that "eight horses have died since the beginning of this paragraph!!!" *

* Fake Facts Bureau

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 25)

  What does the future hold for Davey Mac?

a.) My prediction is a seven to ten year stint at East Jersey State Prison!!  On the bright side, you'll get a special bonus of twenty man-rapes a year!! (24%)

b.) I foresee the Dave Man as the host of a new game show-  How Many Midgets Will It Take?  To build a Midget Bridge over the Hudson River, my guess is 83,000 midgets, Dave Man!!!!! (25%)

c.) I think David will go into politics...and then leave politics in disgrace when a sex scandal surfaces involving David, candle wax, two dildos, and a monkey. (25%)

d.) Dave will WIN the Academy Award!!  For Best Supporting Dick-Hole!!! (26%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 24)

  How was your weekend?

a.) It sucked.  I got locked in a freezer with Mr. Furley...who is one ANNOYING little son of a bitch!!!  I honestly thought about eating him.  It's true, I did.  I thought to myself, "I'm gonna take this can of peas and crush Mr. Furley's fucking skull with it and then eat the little fucker alive."  But at the moment, Felipe the cook arrived to let us out.  Signed, Jack Tripper (26%)

b.) Horrible weekend!  I drunkenly coaxed Richie to sign up for Vietnam and I heard he got blown up over there by Charlie!!!  Fuck!!  Signed, The Fonz (25%)

c.) It...it wasn't good, David...I...something happened...well...I think someone pooped in my shoes...or...I...I don't know...  Signed, Bob Newhart (24%)

  d.) I got gang-fucked by the ENTIRE newsroom while I was passed out on cough medicine so I guess it wasn't so fucking great, was it, genius!!!!!!  Signed, Mary Tyler Moore (25%)