Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 30)

  I think this is gonna be a good week!  What do you think?

a.) I think it'll be a good week only if my teeth and fingernails stop falling off!!  I knew I shouldn't have gone into that fucking teleporter with that God-Damned fly!!! (22%)

b.) It's gonna be a GREAT week!!  I just found ten bucks in the back pocket of the mailman I hit in the head with a hammer! (25%)

c.) The week is gonna be just ok.  On the one hand, I got a new job.  On the other hand, the job is as a Professional Needles-In-The-Dick Model. (sigh) (26%)

d.) I can't wait for this week to begin!  I finally get to re-fill my prescription of memory lapse medicine!!  I can't wait for this week to begin!  I finally get to re-fill my prescription of memory lapse medicine!!  I can't wait for this week to begin!  I finally get to re-fill my prescription of memory lapse medicine!! (27%)

Dave and Pepper will shoot, shut, and shit on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday!!

  Yeah, honey pie!!!  Do you like it when I call you honey pie?  I know you do, baby.  You so sticky and dessert-ish.  Yeaaaaaaahhhh.  Anyway, before I get too hot and penis-ified, let me tells ya that Davey Mac and Peppy Stans will be rockin' the shitties out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio, LIVE, on Saturday with the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Tune in to the Opie and Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!!  The topics include:

* "Everyone's Favorite Grandpa", Morty Cunningham, stops in to talk about the time he killed two Mexicans

* We touch each other's ears for the Ultimate Radio Cartilage Contest!

* Vic Blunch discusses his new play- "The Penguin Jizeth"

* Uncle Tickles the Naughty Clown chats about his hard-drive and his resulting firing from Nickelodeon

* Dave reveals the reason why he ends every show with his signature sign-off: "...and THAT'S...why you can't trust Canadians."

* And independent film-maker Mark Burbles promotes his new movie, "Jerking Off Jerry."

We'll see you guys Saturday at 7 PM (EST) on Sirius 206, Xm 105!!  Peace!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 27)

  It's Friday!!  Any plans?

a.) I'm doin' what I do every Friday, dawg- goin' hiiiighin' and alien watchin'!!!  Weeeeeeee!! (23%)

b.) I was thinking doing something nice for someone.  Maybe I'll jack off into my next door neighbor's mailbox.  What?  I heard they're trying to get pregnant. (26%)

c.) I have no plans.  I'm just gonna keep working on Naked Ted Bundy jigsaw puzzle. (26%)

d.) I have ringside seats to Friday Night Farts!!!  P.U.!!!!! (25%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 26)

  I'm having crazy allergy attacks.  Do you have any solutions?

a.) Stick your head in a barrel of tar and fart three times.  That's what my uncle did.  Of course, he died when he was 29. (21%)

b.) Go to the doctor and punch him in the cock. (24%)

c.) Cut your nose off and replace it with a carrot. (26%)

d.) We have an old tradition- eat some peppers and shoot anything that moves in your backyard.  It doesn't work so much for allergies but you kill a shitload of squirrels that way! (29%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 25)

  If April showers bring May flowers, what do May showers bring?

a.) Jack Bauer's (19%)

b.) dick plowers (21%)

c.) Mad Cowers (19%)

d. ) Kenny Powers (20%)

e.) Jizz Towers (21%)

We are gonna rip the ass tonight! LIVE on Ustream at 7 (EST)!

  Yes!!!  You know it!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program (internet version) is LIVE tonight at 7 (EST)!!!  Just go to The East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream to see it!!!  Or head to the Ustream section of this site!!  And check out the new Ustream section on my Facebook!!!  Yowza's!!!  Watch the Dave Man accuse Roy Shaffer of stealing his shoes; watch Roy Shaffer accuse Pepper of stealing his drugs; and watch all of us accuse Sean O of stealing our souls!!!  There's gonna be Razzle!!  There'll be Dazzle!!  They'll be Sizzle!!  And there sure as shit will be Jizzle!!!  It's gonna be more fun than a "Touching Old People" Party!!!  Come join us LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 (EST) and make sure you subscribe to the show on iTunes!!  Peace!!!

Thank you, B-Dawg, for the great pics of Dave and Cousin Brucie!

  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL had one of their favorite recurring guests, the legendary DJ, Cousin Brucie, back recently to shoot the shit about John Lennon, people who should get peed on, and home-made poison!  Check out Cousin Brucie and Davey Mac on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  Thanks, B-Dawg, for the great pics!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 24)

  Is it too early in the morning to eat a whole sub?

a.) Fuck no, Davey Mac!  After all, this is the time of day that I usually smoke my crack!!  Whoooo-yaaaaa!!! (24%)

b.) I wouldn't eat a sub at seven in the morning, David.  Not responsible.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to drive drunk to I.H.O.P.   ...Adios! (25%)

c.) I don't like sub sandwiches.  Too much bread.  I'm on a no-carb diet where I only eat the feces of toddlers...and I've lost six pounds! (27%)

  d.) I would like to answer your poll question, Dave, but my dick is stuck in a beehive. (24%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 23)

  I am tired.  Help me.

a.) No, I'm busy planting my puppy garden. (22%)

b.) OK, after I jerk off to this "M.A.S.H." episode. (26%)

c.) I'll help you but only if you give me a box of pocket pussies for my science project. (25%)

d.) I can't help you, David...my fingers have fallen off. (27%)

The Davey Mac & the Peppy Ham- gonna pluck the crap out of Sirius XM on Saturday!!

  You heard me right, muchachos!  And if you didn't hear me right, then you should seriously make an appointment to see an ear doctor.  I know a guy who I can set you up with.  I'm not sure if he's an actual doctor but he will sell you some coke in an alley.   Think about it!  Anyway, we are gonna rock the shit out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday with the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Listen to the show, LIVE, at 7 PM (EST) on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!!  Topics include:

* Sticking your thumbs in an animal's ass- The Beginner's Guide!

* Rock-n-roller Terry Clam of the hard rock group Clamjob shows us his dick warts

* We do a special pop culture week-in-review where we let Ted Nugent shoot arrows at Dick Clark's corpse

* Novelist Arthur Kenbee discusses his new work- "My Grandmother's Face Just Melted"

* Literary Investigative Journalist Jim Dickers talks about his new report, "Arthur Kenbee Gets His Grandmother Confused With Ice Cream Cakes"

* And "The Cutest Little Boy In The World" Bobby Jeffries comes in to talk about the time he killed three terrorists and ate them

We'll see you guys Saturday at 7 (EST) on Sirius XM!!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day)

  Today is 4-20, dawg!!  Do you plan to smoke up or celebrate in any way?

a.) Shit yes!  I'm gonna go hiiiighin', dude!  I'm gonna get so baked and then put my pet goldfish in the microwave, baby!  Yeeeeeeeaaayyy!!!

b.) I don't smoke marijuana.  I never put drugs into my system.  I shall, however, drink a liter of paint thinner and then rob my neighbor...4-20, 'yall!!!

  c.) I'm gonna smoke a little bit of pot and then pray to my savior, C-3PO.

d.) I only celebrate one way, daddy...sucking down some Nitrous at the zoo before jumping in the lion cage!!  Yeeehhaaaww!!!

This Week's Davey Mac Sports Program is now up on iTunes and Stitcher.com!

  Check it out!  Make sure you're subscribing to the show on iTunes!!  We BREAK the Dick Clark death story, LIVE, on the air!!  We sing songs!!  We shit in a box!!  Dave walks out of the studio in anger!!  Then returns three seconds later in joy!!  Roy Shaffer is back!!  Sean O is drunk!!  Pepper may be dying!!!  We shoot the shit about Tebow being booed!!  The NHL Playoffs have started and they have made one member of the program's dick hard!!  And a murder-suicide is proposed!!  Click HERE for iTunes or HERE for Stitcher!!!

And don't forget to listen to the XL version of the show, LIVE, on Sirius XM Satellite Radio, Saturdays at 7 PM (EST) on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!!!  Let's fucks it hard, baby, yeahhhhh!!!!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 19)

  I'm thinking of going to the movies today.  What should I see?

a.) The Hunger Games (3%)

b.) The Cabin In The Woods (13%)

c.) Freddy Farty And His Amazing Ass (16%)

d.) Deer Vomit (18%)

e.) The Midget Has Exploded Chronicles (23%)

f.) Davey Mac And His Misadventures of Jizz (27%)

YOUR help needed for Public Radio and the Dave Man!!

  Hello there, homies!!  The Dave Man is requesting your generosity for a Public Radio Membership Drive!!  We are kicking off the drive this week with an ambitious goal (but one which I believe is attainable).  My show, "Mornings On The Night With Michele & Dave", is asking for 100 people to donate at $100!!  It's one hundred for one hundred!!!  Your donation is tax deductible and would be keeping our small but great station alive!!!  PLUS, for your donation of one hundo smackers, you'll be getting a T-shirt, a travel coffee mug, and a backpack with mine and Michele's dumb cartoon faces on them!!!  Come on!!  Everyone needs a picture of me in a bow-tie on their backpack!!!  So visit the 90.5 the Night website and thank you!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 17)

  It was really hot yesterday.  It's going to be hot today.  How can I cool off?

a.) Go jump in a lake and sink to the bottom, David, you jerk!!!

b.) Remove your clothing.  Just don't forget that you are nude when you go outside to get the mail this time, Davey Mac, you fucking creep!!!

c.) Take some ice pops and shove them into your dick-hole, Mr. Dave.

d.) Go find a Slurpee machine and start fucking it, FSG!!!!

Thank you, Katja, for the great head shots!

  A big thank you to our friend Katja from KatjaKruppePhotography.com for shooting some great photos of the Dave Man so that he can become a movie star/male pornography pin-up boy/FBI's Most Wanted list model/spank material for some creepy man named Herb who keeps emailing Dave to send Herb some photographs.  Katja did a great job!  Thanks!  And check out Katja's facebook page!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 16)

  I just realized that now that we're done with Easter, past St. Patty's Day, and finished with Christmas, we have very few holidays remaining.  What is left to look forward to?

a.) National Go Fuck Yourself Week just started, Dave Man...now go fuck yourself!! (23%)

b.) The Jizztivus begins tonight in my pants!! (28%)

c.) St. Poop's Day commences in about fifteen minutes after my third bowl of raisin bran!! (24%)

d.) How should I know what holiday comes next?!?!  I don't even own a fucking calendar!!!  I DO own, however, a nude sculpture I made with Play-Doh of Tom Berenger...I gave him an extra large cock!! (25%)

Sirius XM Satellite Radio SHAN'T ever be the same after Saturday!!!

  Why?  Because David Dodd McDonald and Chris Pepper Stanley are gonna murder the shit out of Sirius XM with the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Tune in Saturday at 7 PM (EST) to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the "Best live radio show mixing sports and pop culture since the Ty Cobb Comedy & Lynching Hour!!" - Charles Kuralt

Topics for the show include:

* Beef- you can try to jerk it off but you will not get any jizzies

* Dr. Edwin Shmipps shows off his new animal-human hybrid: the Ass-Bird

* Patrick Ewing discusses his autobiography- "I Sweat More Than A Man On The Electric Chair"

* We get to the bottom of the Whose Shit-Stained Socks Are These mystery

* Dave uses a portion of the show as an infomercial to sell his famous Dick Helmets

* Gary Oswald talks about his new documentary- "I Like Stalking Meredith Vieira And Smelling Her Underwear"

* Dave's Book Club features the new, best-selling novel- "Your Fingers Are Sticky But I'll Lick Them Anyway"

 See ya Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Bam!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 13)

  Today is Friday the 13th!!!  Oooohhh!!  Are you spooked out?!?!

a.) No...but I am cozy...so cozy that I am reading this poll, David, with no clothes on...yeah, baby...you just keep givin' us some poll options...yeahhhhhh...nice and slow, Diddy Mac... (22%)

b.) I am spooked!  Especially considering that I'm sitting next to two dead people who may or may not be my landlord and his wife who I may or may not have just stabbed to death!! Bwlrkepofkwfkwfds!!!!! (23%)

c.) I don't believe in the Friday the 13th myth.  I DO, however, believe in the myth of Friday the Fourteenth, and how a giant Crab-Man named Denny will eat my eye balls if I don't put a bucket of shrimp under my bed for him at midnight. (28%)

d.) I don't have time for this nonsense.  I'm playing my dog in Parcheesi...and he's winning. (27%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 12)

  One hundred years ago this very week the Titanic sank in the Atlantic Ocean.  What would you have done had you been on that boat?

a.) I would have ordered that shitty band to play some Floyd!!!  Sure, the group wouldn't exist for fifty-plus years, but fuck it, I'm gonna die, dawg!!!  Have a cigar!!! (27%)

b.) Rape, rape, and more rape!!! (25%)

c.) I would have jumped in the ocean and then went pee-pee in the water to warm it up!  And then maybe a little poo-poo, too!! (20%)

d.) I would have skull-fucked that asshole captain for fucking us over!!!  I mean, who the fuck can't swerve out of the way of a God-Damn ice berg?!?!  They don't fucking MOVE, Captain, you piece of shit!!! (28%)