That's right. You heard that fucking right. Today I am going on an audition to be an extra in some James Franco-Jonah Hill movie. I am pretty sure that after the director sees me perform, the film will be re-structured as a Dave McDonald movie with James Franco and Jonah Hill as MY God-Damn extras. And when I am on set, about to crush some scene with raw emotion and talent, I will talk to my extras, James and Jonah, and give them a few tips about the Pictures Business.
"I know no one has heard of you yet, boys," I will tell them. "But you just keep your chin up and your dick down and some day, by golly, maybe you'll make it in this wondrous industry called Film-Making. Where people like myself make dreams come true."
"Thank you, Mr. David!" Franco will exclaim.
"You so good to us, Mr. David!" Hill will gush.
"It's the least I can do, boys," I will explain. "For I, too, was once a shit-heel extra such as yourselves. Now if you don't mind, I have to cut off this trite little conversation with you two maggots and fly to Paris in my gold jet. I am scheduled to make a speech at the Louvre about how awesome of an artist I am. And following that, the French are allowing me to cut down the Eiffel Tower with my very own lightsaber that George Lucas personally constructed for me. See ya later, cock-suckers."
"Bye, Mr. David!" Franco and Hill will sing. Their lives...forever touched by the Greatness of Dave McDonald.
