Davey Mac and YOU- TONIGHT on Ustream! Let's grease each other up!

  You got that right, Friend-O!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program had to be pushed back to today, Thursday, and so will be LIVE at 7 PM (EST) on Ustream TONIGHT!!  Just go to the Ustream section of this site to watch!!  And make sure you're watching without your pants on!!  It will be more enjoyable for everyone!!!  Hey!!  Where are you going?!?!  I'm just sayin'.  I won't be wearing pants, neither will Roy, and Pepper will be thonging it!!  It would only be fair if you, too, were not wearing pants!!  Whether or not you are going to be shirtless and slowly putting butter on your chest is entirely up to you!  See you at 7!!  Peace!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 22)

  Every time I lift some weights, my wrist starts hurting.  How do I correct this?

a.) Stop lifting weights, asshole. (32%)

b.) Is "lifting weights" a code-word for "jerking off blind-folded on an inflatable Bugs Bunny raft in a random stranger's pool"? (34%)

c.) Hmmmm...I thought it was your face that was hurting...because it's killing ME!!  Hahahahaha!!!  Thank you!!  Thanks, everyone!!  I'll be performing stand-up AND will be juggling dildos this weekend at Don's Dicks 'N' Jokes on Route 72!!  Now go fuck off!!  Hahahaha!!  I love this crowd!!!  (34%)

Ustream & Davey Mac - THURSDAY at 7 PM (EST)! Touchies! LIVE!

  Yeah, dawg!!  The Number One Independent Sports Show on the Internet, the Davey Mac Sports Program, is live THURSDAY on Ustream at 7 PM (EST), rather than our usual day of Wednesday! Just go to The East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream!!  Or go to the Ustream section on THIS SITE!!  On Thursday's episode Davey Mac shall discuss his new hobby of photographing animal butts, Pepper will kidnap a C-List celebrity, Roy blows up Sean O's car, Sean O shoots Roy in the leg, Dave films the whole thing for a new documentary- "We Drink Too Much", Sean O becomes a retarded person, Pepper makes a little train set made of chocolate, Dave makes a little race track made of poo, our relatives plan to light our studio on fire and burn us alive, Roy wrestles Bob Costas and calls him "a pussy", children get things thrown at their faces, Sean O forgets to push the numbers in The Hatch, Dave and Balki get snowed into a cabin because of a frightening avalanche, Pepper gets stuck in a freezer with Mr. Furley and needs Felipe to rescue him, and the planet Earth explodes.  See you, THURSDAY!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 21)

  Have you ever been next to a celebrity in the bathroom?

a.) Yes.  Once I was next to Michael J. Fox at the urinal...we pissed all over the floor...the walls...the sink...and laughed and laughed while we fucking did it!!! (25%)

b.) Once, while on security duty, I ran into an angry Vincent D'Onofrio in the men's room.  I believe I said, "Uh-oh." (26%)

c.) I had to share, for various reasons, a Port-O-Pottie with Neil Patrick Harris once. (22%)

d.) Once I was next to Gwyneth Paltrow in the bathroom stall...ok, ok, fine...I wasn't so much next to her, rather I put a webcam in her toilet and Skyped a video of her going number one.  Big deal. (27%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 20)

  Today is the first day of Spring.  What is the best Spring myth?

a.) On this day, one can supposedly balance an egg on its small end on a table. (22%)

b.) People's faces melt at noon exactly. (25%)

c.) Trees blow up at midnight. (26%)

d.) Semen that has been ejaculated from a penis can float, and stay suspended in the air for ninety seconds, before turning into beautiful Cum Butterflies. (27%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 19)

  What do you like most?

a.) Tickles (32%)

b.) Pickles (33%)

c.) Dickles (35%)

St. Patty's Day & Davey Mac on Sirius XM = Fucking Fun!!!

  You got it, chums!!!  The Dave Man, Pepper, and company will be LIVE on Saturday, St. Patrick's Day, on Sirius Fucking XM for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Tune to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!!  I CANNOT promise that we will not be drunk while doing the show!!  In fact, I WILL NOT promise it!!  In fact, in fact, I pretty much have sent out memos demanding that every one affiliated in any way with the show, and that includes YOU the listener, be in the proper "spirits" as they say...or in other words- let's get fucked up!!!  Yeeeehhhaaaw!!!  Topics for the show will include:

* Is it wrong to paint your dog green for St. Patrick's Day?  What if the dog is dead?

* Singing while drunk- it's only fun if you don't puke on your relatives on the high notes

* Professor Patty O'McReilly talks about his new novella, "I Sometimes Pour Whiskey Into My Dick-Hole"

* Patty O'McReilly's wife, Kathleen, discusses her new tell-all biography: "You're Too Drunk To Jerk Off, Patty, AND YOU FOOCKIN' KNOW IT!"

* Why it's not proper to drunkenly force midgets to dress as Leprechauns at gun-point

* And Shane MacGowan stops by to read his new children's book: "Lil' Dirty Mac and his One Last Tooth"

See you homies Saturday!!!  Yeeeeee!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 16)

  Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day!  What are YOU gonna do?!

a.) I'm gonna get so drunk that I'm gonna actually piss vomit out of my dick-hole, and then get into Medical Journals throughout the world as the first person who puked out of his penis!!! (32%)

b.) I'm gonna get so fucked up that I'm gonna shit out of my pussy!!  And then...well...same as the guy above, what with the Medical Journals and whatnot!! (14%)

c.) I'm gonna drink so much that I'm gonna light my house on fire and blame it on my ex who I will claim is stalking me...but actually...I'm stalking HER!!!  Hahahahaha!!! (30%)

  d.) I'm gonna fuck a bunch of small animals and then find the nearest elderly couple and push their faces in mud before shoving knives up my ass!

...But I shall be doing it sober.  I don't drink. (24%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 15)

  It's pay day, dogsies!!  What should I do with my money?!

a.) Save it, David. (16%)

b.) Go to the track and let it ride, poo-brain!!! (26%)

c.) Use the cash to start funding the construction of a time machine that is fueled by farts. (28%)

d.) Go on a porn spending-spree...specifically the "Big Fat Greasy Butts Of Chubby, Greek Diner Waitresses Who Like It In The Ass" series. (30%)

We go LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 (EST)! Carnage WILL ensue!!

  Yeah, homies!  You heard my mother-fucking ass right!!  And if you DIDN'T hear my mother-fucking ass right, then you need a fucking Miracle Ear, dawg!!  It's either that...or the mere fact that you're listening to asses that is your problem!!  What the shit are you listening to asses for?!?!  Words can only come out of humans' mouths!!!  Didn't they teach you that in school?!?!

Words = mouths,  Poo = asses

Come on, daddy!!!  It's a simple fucking formula!!  Anyway, the Davey Mac Sports Program will destroy it LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 (EST)!  Join Dave, Pepper, Roy, and Sean O for the "Greatest Show That Comes Out Of Asses" - Dr. Antoine Butt.

Just go to the East Side Dave Happy Time Channel on Ustream OR the Ustream section of this site!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 14)

  It has been a freakishly temperate, if not downright pleasant, winter season.  What do you attribute this to?

a.) Global warming...with my farts!!! (34%)

b.) All the hot air coming out of those wacky politicians' mouths!  Ha!  ...But seriously, all bad jokes aside, it's probably their farts. (33%)

c.) More cars on the road which create more carbon dioxide which...uh oh...I've got to fart!! (33%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 13)

  I'm thinking of starting a new candy company- Davey Macca Candy.  Which one of my candies sounds the best to you?

a.) Dickers (21%)

b.) Sour Crap Jizz (22%)

c.) Three Cockateers (20%)

d.) cuM & cuM's (37%)

Just in time for St. Patty's Day- Dave wall-paper that will frighten the shit out of children!

  Nothing says "success" more than having Internet wall-paper designed after you.  And so, just in time for St. Patrick's Day, the great Kelly from AirBorneRanger.com has pervertedly created a special, horrific, East Side Davey Mac wall-paper series to honor Saint Patty!!  Click on the link only if you must.  And please, DO NOT use this innocent wall-paper for masturbatory purposes...but if you MUST spank it, make sure to do it in public so that other people see the wall-paper and hopefully start jerking it as well!  Click HERE for the horror!!  And a big thank you to Kelly!!

Thank you to Coke Logic for the Michele & Dave art!!

  The Mighty Coke Logic has done it again!  After creating so many great drawings, cartoons, paintings and more for the Dave Man, Coke has decided to tackle the deadliest beast of them all- Michele & Dave on 90.5 The Night (Dave's morning show on Jersey radio).  Once again, a huge thank you to Coke for the fantastic art!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 12)

  We're less than a week away from St. Patrick's Day!  Are you excited?

a.) Does a lamb like to fart?!?! (11%)

b.) Do nuns have boils on their necks?!?! (11%)

c.) Is Gregory Peck asian?!?! (11%)

d.) Do carrots look like dicks?!?! (11%)

e.) Did I just puke?!?!?! (11%)

f.) YES!!!! (45%)

What do we do on Saturday? We FUCK Satellite Radio on Saturday, THAT'S what we fucking do!!

  Boom!!  You heard what I said!!  We're gonna throw our jizz down so hard on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday that they're gonna have to re-name the company Semenus X-CUM!!!  Because the Davey Mac Sports Program XL will be LIVE as always on Saturday at 7 PM (EST)!!!  Tune in to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the hotness!!  Topics will include:

* Putting your butt on really hot things- we'll show you how and where it can be done!

* Behavioral expert and best-selling author Dr. Richard Blerk talks about his new self-help book- "I Think My Grandfather Killed Two Guys"

* Mentally unstable zoologist Randy Spikey brings in a dead marmot and deceased lizard and does a little puppet show

* Combing strangers' hair on the subway- if you do it right they might enjoy it!

* And crime/mystery writer Elroy Chickles discusses his first auto-biography "I Think Dick Blerk's Grandfather Killed My Uncle Henry And His Lawyer"

Join Dave and Pepper for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Saturday on Sirius XM!!!  Bang-bang!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 9)

  I just saw "Hugo" and I must say- how the fuck did this movie not win Best Picture?

  a.) The Academy is a bunch of assholes. (20%)

b.) The Academy thinks Martin Scorcese looks like a little, old monkey...and they don't give Oscars to animals. (18%)

c.) Fuck the Oscars!!  I'm still pissed that "Field Of Dreams" didn't win!!!  Ghosts and baseball!!!  What more do you need in a fucking movie?!?! (22%)

d.) Fuck "Field Of Dreams"!!!  I'm still pissed that fucking "Jaws" didn't win!!!  Hey Academy...go fuck yourself!!!!! (29%)

e.) I could concentrate on this poll question more if I could only stop farting! (11%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 8)

  I think I'm gonna see "Hugo" today.  Is this a good idea?

a.) Hell yes!!  It's a Scorcese flick, dawg!!! (30%)

b.) It's a fucking kids' movie, David!!  Boooooo!! (2%)

c.) You should go to the doctor and have your stomach looked at instead.  Ever since your truTV appearance, you've been farting up a storm, Dave Man!!  Life imitating art?!  Shit yes!!!  Ewwwww!!! (11%)

d.) Instead of giving your cash to the film, donate the dough to a charity, Dave.  Here's one that looks good: The Doug Skittles & Beer Fund.  It appears to be an organization aimed at getting enough money to buy someone named Doug some Skittles and beer.  A worthy cause, me-thinks!!! (28%)

e.) Go fuck yourself instead, Diddy Mac. (1%)

f.) Why don't you draw a really big picture of an apple...and then try to eat said drawing.  I'm really high right now. (28%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 7)

  Should we hold hands?

a.) Yes, Davey Boy. (24%)

b.) Stay the fuck away from, David. (7%)

c.) No, we should not hold hands.  But we should play footsies, Dave Man!!  Fooooooooootsies!!!!!  Hee-hee-hahahahahahaha!!!!!!  Fuck it, baby!! (69%)

Who fucks it on Ustream TONIGHT? WE do!!!!

  Fuck yeah, dawg!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 PM (EST)!!  Go to The East Side Dave Happy Times Channel or just click on the Ustream link from this site!!  What do we have planned for the show?!  How about this- animal strangulation, lighting people's feet on fire, water balloons filled with jizz (effectively making them jizz balloons), tickling, and Fart-Fest '12!!!  It's gonna fucking rock!!  See you tonight!!!