Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 7)

  Should we hold hands?

a.) Yes, Davey Boy. (24%)

b.) Stay the fuck away from, David. (7%)

c.) No, we should not hold hands.  But we should play footsies, Dave Man!!  Fooooooooootsies!!!!!  Hee-hee-hahahahahahaha!!!!!!  Fuck it, baby!! (69%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 6)

  Would you mind if I tickled you?

a.) Keep your fucking hands OFF me, Davey Mac!! (12%)

b.) Tickle away, Dave Man!!  Hahahahahaha!!!  Oh!  OH, you're a good tickler!!!  Hahahahahaha!!  Stop it!!  Hahahahaha!!!  Stop it, I can't catch my breath!!!   Hahahahaha!!!  Seriously, Dave, STOP IT, I'm struggling for air!!!  Hellllpppp!!!!  Someone help!!  Hahahaha!!!  Seriously!!!!  Dave is killing me via tickling!!!  I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!  HEL-------------------------------------------------------------- (42%)

c.) Holy shit!  You killed him, Dave!  You're a murderer!!! (46%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 5)

  Today is the 30th Anniversary of John Belushi's death.  What is the best Belushi character?

a.) Bluto (26%)

b.) Joliet Jake (25%)

c.) Samurai  (4%)

d.) Cheeseburger Guy (3%)

e.) Joe Cocker (12%)

f.) They're ALL great, David, you son of a bitch!!!  Now let's get out Animal House, The Blues Brothers, and the Best of John Belushi SNL DVD's and have ourselves a fucking Belushi marathon already!!!  I'll get the cheeze whiz and you get the Jack Daniels!!!  Suuuck and Fuuuuuck!!!!!! (30%)

We will light Satellite Radio ON FIRE on Saturday!! 7 PM (EST) is when the shit goes down!

  You heard what I said.  Tell the authorities if you must.  But the Davey Mac Sports Program XL (featuring Dave, Pepper and friends) is going to take Sirius XM Satellite Radio and burn it straight to the ground out of pure, highly-flammable awesomeness.  This is not a threat.  It is a promise.  The mere magic of the show will cause a Sirius XM combustion so explosive that it'll make those Branch Davidian pussies and their shitty little compound in Waco look like wife-swapping, fucking amateurs.  Don't worry.  We will make sure to evacuate Cousin Brucie and his record collection before the building goes up in flames due to kick-ass-ed-ness.  So tune in on Saturday to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) for the Show That Is So Great It Annihilates Shit!  Topics and guests will include:

* Doctor J- he does NOT  have a medical license and four other un-fun facts you already knew!

* Sitting on fish without your pants on! "Slippery" Don Turkle is in studio to demonstrate!

* Professor Arturo Wang reads passages from his new book, "Finger-Fucking The Vampire!"

* Beehives- the surprising reasons why shouldn't put one on your dad's crotch while he is napping

* And Jimmy Jipples talks about his new self-help DVD- "Farting In The Bathtub!"

See you Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 2)

  It's the weekend!  Do you think everybody is really working for it?

  a.) Shit yes!!!  I just stuffed two bowls of popcorn into my dick-hole now that Friday is here!!!  Yeeeeeeooooowww!!!!! (21%)

b.) I work on the weekend, so NO!!!  I don't fucking work for it!!  I work for Tuesday afternoon!!!  And then you know what happens--- popcorn straight up my mother-fucking dick-hole!!! (24%)

c.) I'm unemployed.  So you know what that means- seven glorious days of popcorn in the dick-hole!!! (27%)

d.) I work every day of the week, so I never get time off!!!  Ugh!!!  Luckily, I work at Pete's Popcorn & Dick-Hole Factory so I can get all the popcorn and dick-holes I want!!!  Hahahahahahaa!!!! (28%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- March 1)

  Yay, it's March!  Do you think it's too early to begin with the Irish stuff in preparation  for St. Patty's Day?

a.) No, David! It's fucking March, isn't it?!?! (29%)

b.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Let's wait until at least the 10th, Dave Man!  Jesus! (3%)

c.) I'm so fucking drunk already that I just puked on my dog's back, who is wearing a shamrock sweater, while drinking Jameson and listening to the Pogues and cursing out English people and calling my old mother and crying in joy from the time I went to the "Old Country" in the year 2000 and now I'm having some shots with Guinness chaser and let's put on the Dropkick Murphy's and is that guy fookin' lookin' at us because he's seems like a fookin' English tosser, he fookin' does, he better get his arse outta here before we kick the shite out of his bloody knickers and hang 'im from fookin' Big Ben, Erin Go Bragh!!! (68%)

Who rocks the Ustream and iTunes tonight? WE do, mother-fucker!!!

  Fuck yes, muchachos!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 PM (EST)!!  Just go to the Ustream section of this miracle, this blessing, this poop on a stick of a website called EastSideDaveCountry.com!!

And make sure you're subscribing to the show on iTunes!!  We need all the support we can get so that one day we can turn this shit into a daily program either on iTunes, Sirius XM, or terrestrial radio!!  And once we do that, we'll fart all the way to the bank and open a fartings account to save our God-Damn farts in!!!

Stomach flu, shmumach shmu!!!  I've been sicker than a pirate's dick, but I'm still gonna get my ass to Times Square to give you the best show of all time- the Davey Mac Sports Program!!!  I'll see you tonight, homies!!  Yowwza!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 29)

  Today is February 29th, which means it is Leap Day!  Yeeeehhaaaw!  What do you plan to do?

a.) Play a game of LEAP-frog with Dad!! (29%)

b.) Write a poem on a frisbee as an ode to Leaping Lanny Poffo (32%)

c.) Party your ass off with today's official mascot- Leap Year Leonard!!  Whooo!!!!!! (39%)

Davey Mac Sports Program XL shits in the asses of Sirius XM on Saturday!!

  Back and forth, forever, dawg!!  Dave and Pepper are gonna chop the dicks of Satellite Radio on Saturday, and then feed those dicks to hungry owls, who will then be so full they lose the ability to fly, and then are devoured by giant, dick-and-bird loving snakes!!  The magic takes place Saturday on the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Tune it to to the Opie and Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) for some action so hard-core it will cause MAX Hardcore to state the following: "I thought I was hardcore.  But after hearing Davey Mac's show on Sirius XM, I realize that I am a pussy.  A crying, little-girl-in-a-man's-body, I-put-ice-cream-cones-in-my-ass-and-then-lick-them, God-Damn pussy."

*** Saturday's topics include: ***

* Phil Rizzuto resembled a field mouse and 10 other celebrities who look like animals

* 8 more fun places in a nursing home for you to hide feces!

* Best-selling author Richard Gulpie talks about his new book "I Cry When I Jerk Off!"

* Why we're still rooting for Joe Namath and Suzy Kolber to kiss each other.

* ...and then suck it.

* ...and, of course, fuck it.

* Special Correspondent Jimmy Belch discusses the new craze of fat, bald men duct-taping dolls to their asses called "Baldolling"

* Bob Costas re-iterates publicly (again) that he is NOT a midget

* We'll discuss the new Madden 2013 video game and show the secret Easter Eggs in the game (like how if you press A + B + A in the main menu, you can watch a clip of John Madden having a heart attack on Thanksgiving).

* And lastly Dr. Margaret Trugg will tell us why we should be drinking at least two cups of spittle a day!

So tune in Saturday to the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Sirius 206, XM 105 at 7 PM (EST)!!!  Peace!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 24)

  So I made my television acting debut last night on truTV, portraying an individual who is a chronic farter.  What is next for me?

a.) Playing a guy who jizzes sporadically on VH1 Classic. (18%)

b.) Acting as a man who throws up intentionally on naughty children on MTV 2. (22%)

c.) Making a special appearance on the show "Jail" on Spike as Drunkard Number Two. (12%)

d.) Portraying a guy who fucks stuff on HBO. (48%)

(see the video here)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 23)

  Tonight I make my acting debut on truTV, on the show "The World's Dumbest", at 9 PM (EST)!!  How excited am I?!?!

a.) So excited that I've just farted! (32%)

b.) So incredibly excited that I've visited the grave of this hot girl from high school who died in a car crash and have spanked the jizz all over her headstone!  Take THAT, Kelly! (33%)

c.) So ridiculously excited that I just gave a Roman Helmet to my pet cobra, Cocky.  Does anyone have snake poison anecdote or some kind offfggf gglbdg bldgbdl.sdfsd ouch sdfsdfsdfdf.......................... (35%)

Davey Mac to make his television acting debut TONIGHT (Thursday) at 9 (EST) on truTV! Bam!!

  That's right.  Sir Dame Dave McDonald will be giving the performance of a lifetime in one of the segments on the show "World's Dumbest", TONIGHT, on truTV at 9 PM (EST).

No offense to Misters Pacino, Nicholson, and De Niro respectively, but there is a New Dawg in the Actor's Pantheon.  And that dawg's name be East Side Davey Mac McDonald.  And after his acting debut on television tonight, this extraordinary thespian called "The Dave Man" will accept your apologies, pussies.

Hey Bobby Duvall- suck it.  Mr. Oldman?  Go fuck yourself.  Hey, why so glum, Ed Harris?  Oh, I know why- because Dr. Dave, Acting PHD, just fucked you in the ass, THAT'S why.

Don't be so sad, Kevin Spacey, your career was coming to an end anyway.  It's not like they're gonna make K-Pax 2.  However if they DO decide to make K-Pax 2, all they need to do is cast David McDonald in the lead; and then watch the critical acclaim and box office dollars flow like the jizzum of Peter North.

Hey Johnny Depp, go tell Tim Burton you can't work for him anymore- you're through, pal!!  After Dave's performance on truTV tonight at 9 (EST), all "wacky" roles are to be sent to the Dave Man.  Maybe see if you can get back into John Waters' good graces, Depp (the Dave Man don't do cult movies).

Dear Sean Penn, you better think of living in Haiti permanently, fella, because Hollywood is now Davey Mac Land.

So watch the Birth Of A Legend, David McDonald, Actor, tonight on "World's Dumbest" on truTV at 9 (EST).  And for the last time, Hanks, stop crying about being overtaken by the Dave Man or Dave'll REALLY give you something to cry about, jerk!!!

We rock Ustream and iTunes TONIGHT!!

  That's right, people!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is back online after a one-week hiatus to recover from our various illnesses.  Dave is stronger than ever after battling the jizz flu, Sean O has gotten over his cock cold, Roy has kicked his poo virus, and Pepper has finally gotten rid of his bad case of the fartles!  Watch the magic LIVE on Ustream tonight at 7 PM (EST)!!  Just go to the Ustream section of this here site!!  And make sure you subscribe to the program on iTunes!! Personally speaking, I haven't felt this good since I killed those two missionaries in Mexico!!  See you tonight!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 22)

  I found a shitload of ear wax in my ears today.  What should I do with it?

a.) Dispense of it in the garbage like a normal human being. (8%)

b.) Build the Castle of Ear Wax, home to Ear-Man, Master of the Uni-wax. (32%)

c.) Eat it a little of it.  Come on, you know you want to.  Just a little...to see what it tastes like. (26%)

d.) Put it on the top of your cock-head like a little comb-over/ear wax toupee; and then tell everyone your penis is named Dickald Clump, host of Celebrity Apprentwax. (34%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 21)

  Who is your favorite Beatle?

a.) Beatle John (22%)

b.) Beatle Paul (21%)

c.) Beetle Bailey (17%)

d.) Michelle Beadle (14%)

e.) Beetlejuice (26%)

We Shall Take The World Of Satellite Radio By The Dick And Swing It To Hell On Saturday!

  Yeah, mother-fucker!  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is gonna take Sirius XM Satellite Radio this Saturday and put its head in a vice and squeeze the shit out of it until its fucking eye balls pop out!!!  Listen to Davey Mac and Pepper rock the shit out of sports, pop culture, and bestiality in a show so good that it has compelled one of the suits at Sirius to actually call it "brilliant."  Does that mean an increase in pay or more shifts?  Of course not!!  But it does make us kill it so hard each and every week that ten to sixteen people are left in critical condition when we are done!!  We're gonna take some ice picks and shove 'em right in the balls of Satellite Radio so make sure you tune in Saturday to the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!!  Topics shall include:

* Legendary announcer Brent Musburger and his long-time rival Kent MusHotdog

* Fozzie Bear- the sordid details of his hibernation relapse and prostitution charges

* Special Correspondent Dick Softee explains why you and your friend shouldn't staple your penises together

* LinSANITY- is it as good as Brian ScalaCRAZY???

* Touching strangers on the bus- we'll show you how much fun it can be!

* Best-selling author Morris Franklin discusses his new book- "Which One Of You Assholes Fucked My Mom?"

* Best-selling author Jim Herpil talks about his new novel- "I Just Fucked Morris' Mom"

* Pete Rose- the All-Time Shit King?  Johnny Bench says Rose pooped 9 times a day!!

* Best-selling author Steve Clappy speaks about his new poetry collection: "Me & Jim Herpil Just Fingercuffed Morris' Mom and 87 Other Poems About That Middle-Aged Whore And Her Nerd-Pussy Son"

See ya guys on Saturday on Sirius XM for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 17)

  It's gonna be 53 degrees today in Jersey, in February!  What should I do in this very temperate, if not warm, weather?

a.) Go jump in a lake. (23%)

b.) Go screw. (16%)

c.) Go suck on a lemon. (17%)

d.) Go fuck off. (14%)

Listen, I really am asking for your advice here.  Enough with the negativity.  Now let's try this again...what should I do in this fantastic weather?

e.) OK.  Why don't you plan a nice picnic and when you're getting out the bread you could go fuck yourself. (30%)

Well, I can see we're getting nowhere with this kind of attitude.  Have a great weekend, everyone!!!

Davey Mac makes his television acting debut on truTV on Feb. 23!

  Message to the Academy: save one of those Oscars, polish the shit out of it, and have it delivered to me personally by a naked, former Best Actress Winner (hopefully Kathy Bates).  Because the world of acting will NEVER be the same after thespian-dynamo David McDonald makes his debut on actual television, Thursday, February 23rd, on truTV!!

The name of the show: "World's Dumbest" on truTV

Date & Time: Thursday, Feb. 23, at 9:00 PM (EST).

I will NOT be one of the people who comment; that honor goes to the likes of Danny Bonaduce and Tonya Harding.  No.  Instead, I will be acting in one of their bits.  I cannot tell you much more.  The secrecy of our brilliance must be shrouded in mystery until airtime, like the JFK assassination...or Axl Rose's Chinese Democracy... incidentally, both of which have sold over 500,000 copies.

I will say that the segment has to do with farting.  I, being a student of the Method, trained for my role by eating exactly what I would normally eat every fucking day.  It was drudgery, I tells ya.  It took a tole on my personal life when I farted on my mom's 71st birthday cake.  "Now THAT'S how you blow out those fucking candles," I confidently said to my horrified family.  Needless to say, I have been told that I will not be invited to any more family gatherings.

So watch me dominate the World Of Television, Thurday the 23rd, on truTV at 9 PM, homies!!!  Here's a link to the show!  Peace!

Davey Mac Sports Program- off this week on iTunes; but LIVE on Sirius XM!

  Yessirreedaddy!  Due to the fact that the entire show is down with some sort of disease stemming from the Dark Ages, we will not be doing the podcast this week.  I am going to take this time off to have the seven, bursting, Medieval boils on my forehead removed by the local Wizard.

However, we WILL be ready to kick the fucking ASS out of Satellite Radio on Saturday!  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL will most certainly be LIVE!  Tune to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) on Saturday for "The Greatest Show Ever Conjured!  Cadabra!" - Merlin

We will be back on iTunes most definitely next Wednesday so subscribe to the show and have fun!  And we'll see you every Saturday on Sirius XM!  Two different shows, one Davey Mac!  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and poop out small, dead, 12 Century rats who I'm pretty sure have infected me with some kind of Ancient Rodent Herpes!  Good day!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Feb. 16)

  I'm still not sleeping well and still have the diarrhea.  Do I have food poisoning?

a.) Either that...or ass poisoning!!  Hahahaha! (12%)

b.) My diagnosis is that it's no so much stomach nausea as it is ass nausea!!  Hahaha!!  Bam!  Got ya, Davey!! (18%)

c.) Here's what you should do, David, get some rest and drink some ginger ASS!!   Hahaha!!!  Get it?!?!  Instead of ginger ALE!!  Ha!  I fucking nailed you with THAT one, David!!! (31%)

  d.) Seriousy, though get some Pepto Bismol and take it easy...or rather...

...take it ASSY!!!!!   Hahahahaha!!!  We got you, Dave Man!!!  We got you real good-like!!  Yeeehhhaaaww!!!! (39%)