Dickstrong (1/16/13)

 

It’s your January Sixteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and Lance Armstrong, you are bit of a dickbag, aren’t you?  Strike that.  You are a REAL dickbag.  After a decade of denying that he did performance-enhancing drugs, Armstrong finally admitted that he did PED’s in an interview with Oprah Winfrey that will air Thursday.  In addition to the years of lying, Armstrong also apparently threatened his team-mates and members of his staff to not expose him, and even bullied other riders to do drugs simply because he was on them.  And they weren’t even fun drugs.  I mean, if Armstrong put pressure on his team to do LSD before the Tour de France, then I would be in his corner.  I can think of nothing more fun than riding your bicycle on some mountain in southern France, tripping face, when all of a sudden you see an Orange Dildo Monster who wants to eat you.  To avoid being gobbled by the Giant Cock, you have to slow down on your bike, and drink some water.  But all of a sudden, you realize that you slowed down so much, that you are no longer in the race.  In fact, you are in some dirty arcade in Newark, New Jersey.  Furthermore, you are drinking your own urine.  You know, it’s not legal do be in a public place, sipping piss with no pants on next to the The Simpsons video game machine while on acid.  You are now in trouble with the law.  Teedle-do!!!

Meanwhile, I think the thing I hate most is that he made his confession to Oprah.  Fucking Oprah?!  That’s bull shit, Lance.  If you wanted to come clean, you should have done it on the Davey Mac Sports Program…either the iTunes version of the show or the Sirius XM Satellite Radio version…or both!!  Or fuck it, you should have come over to my house and we could have played Nintendo Wii and tickled each other!!  And I could have fed you lunch and hog-tied you for one of my Video Gallery movies and would make a little sketch called “Lance Armstrong Is Hog-Tied And Having Combos Stuffed In His Ass Against His Will”.  That thing would have gone fucking VIRAL, Lance!!  You blew it!!!

Hey, I don’t really give a fuck that the guy cheated.  Nor do I give a flying fuck about the sport of cycling.  But for crying out loud, will someone tell me where I can get one of those awesome yellow shirts that Armstrong wears?  That is one fine-assed bright shirt!!  I feel like I could walk around and pretend that I’m the Sun…or maybe a flamboyant, human Pac Man!!  And I would sing that “Yellow” song by Coldplay and probably get mud thrown at me by wild teen-agers who think that I’m some sort of overly-happy sex offender (which I’m not).  Get me that fucking shitty yellow shirt, Lance, OR ELSE!!!

I gotta get outta here!!  I still have the flu and I think some brownish, chunky liquid just went down my leg and onto my sock.  It’s kinda like the famous Curt Schilling sock.  Only his sock had blood on it from an injury.  And my sock is clearly stained with diarrhea.  Peace!!

See you tonight at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific for the Davey Mac Sports Program!  LIVE on the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream!!!

-Dave (1/16/13)

The Sports Report is out of commission until my damned flu subsides!!! (1/14/13)

 

Hello, my friends and neighbors.  The Davey Mac Sports Report is taking an indefinite break until:  a.) I get rid of this God-awful flu given to me as karma because of the time I spit on an old woman at the bus stop  b.) I get my life in order after several difficult situations have risen including a problem with my dick leaking some sort of purple liquid  c.) I stop farting a horrible gaseous substance that I’m pretty sure has paralyzed my dog  d.) all of the above!  But fear not, as soon as I get over this sickness that I’m now referring to as “Ebola Rectum AIDS”, we’ll be back with the greatest series of online articles since Matt Drudge’s “Bronson Pinchot touched Larry Appleton’s butt” expose’s!!  See ya!!

See you later, Dave Pound!!!

-Dave (1/14/13)

RG3 ACL MRI TBA and FUCK that’s too many abbreviations!! My brain hurts!! (1/9/13)

It’s your January Ninth Davey Mac Sports Report and Robert Griffin III must undergo total reconstructive knee surgery for a torn LCL and ACL.  OK, I’m not exactly sure what ACL means, but I know that it has something to do with ligaments…and that to tear one is bad.  Shit, I ain’t no doctor, but maybe Griffin shouldn’t have played against the Seahawks afterall…I don’t know…I don’t know much of anything anymore…I don’t know how to light a cigarette without setting myself on fire…I don’t know how to swing a stick at a pinata without accidentally having sex with a barn animal…I don’t know how to pick up a fork without shooting cum onto my neighbor’s front door because his fucking garbage blows into my yard…I just don’t know…

Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend, Katherine Webb, has gained over two hundred THOUSAND followers on Twitter (@_KatherineWebb) since Brent Musburger fawned over Webb during the broadcast of Monday night’s Alabama-Notre Dame game.  Though he’s been criticized for being “creepy”, I don’t think what Musburger said was over the line.  He just called her a “beautiful woman” and grunted two or three times.  No big deal.  My problem has more to do with how spineless ESPN is, who felt it necessary to issue an apology for Musburger.  ESPN stated, “We apologize that the commentary in this instance went too far and Brent understands that.”  Hey, man up, ESPN!!  If you show a hot chick on TV, what is ol’ Brent supposed to say, “Boy, I’d rather fuck a small boy than that tall model in the stands”?!  And by the way, ESPN, I happened to be watching the game with fellow broadcaster Al Michaels, who had this to say about Webb- “…And there’s A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend, Miss Alabama, Katherine Webb.  Boy, would I like to put my penis on her forehead and make her into a sex unicorn.  I mean, geez, that is one fuckable mouth that I wouldn’t mind putting my testicles in while I twirled them around, pretending that they were kinky lottery balls.  All I’m saying is, whoa, I sure would like to take a razor and cut her tits off and put them on my shelf with all the other tits that I’ve cut off these past thirty years.”  Fucking PRIORITIZE, ESPN!!!

ESPN’s Hannah Storm has returned after a horrible grill accident that nearly blew up her face.  My God, Hannah, you are one tough woman!  When I get a paper cut on my dick I call out of work for two months!!  I mean, when I stick my dick in a boat propeller to scare the kids on Halloween, I don’t return to work until Christmas!!  Heaven’s to Betsy, when I let my dick get chewed on by deranged death row inmates and post the video to YouTube, I don’t go back to work until the emotional scarring has somewhat healed!!  You are a fucking HERO, Hannah Storm!!  If you have any free time, would you like to put my dick in a mini-guillotine and chop it off, live on Sportscenter?  I’ll await your answer…

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Phil Jackson, who has to be laughing his old, crippled, freakishly tall ass all the way to the shitter after the Lakers lost yet another game last night.  L.A. is now 15 and 19 for the year and just plain suck.  Just like the Emperor, Phil Jackson always gets the last laugh…that is…until he’s thrown down some strange space shaft on the second Death Star that led to God-knows-where and when he gets to the bottom of said shaft he explodes in ball of lightning…

…but until then, Phil Jackson always gets the last fucking laugh!!

See ya tomorrow, Dave Pound!!  AND, we’ll see you THIS EVENING on the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 PM in the West, for the Davey Mac Sports Program (online version)!  LIVE!!  With special guest- legendary Texan singer-songwriter, Ray Wylie Hubbard!!  Later!!

-Dave (1/9/13)

Alabama makes Notre Dame look like a bunch of hunchbacks! A bunch of non-football playing, spazmatic, uncoordinated fucking hunchbacks! (1/8/13)

 

It’s your January Eighth Davey Mac Sports Report, and shit man, I (a Notre Dame fan) waited a month and a fucking half for THAT shit last night?!  The Irish were annihilated by Alabama, 42 to 14, in a spanking that not even Jack Torrance could have administered to that little brat, Danny.  I mean, let’s be honest, halfway through The Shining each one of us is rooting for Nicholson to chop up Danny into pieces and make him into a milkshake.  The kid talks to himself, he steals his mom’s lipstick, and he hides in cabinets specifically designed for cookware…I say he’s a tiny fucking thief and possible schizophrenic and, quite frankly, feel that Jack would be doing the world a favor by turning this small weirdo into a salad!!!  FUCK Danny!!  And FUCK Alabama for ruining my life!!!

In non-spirit-crushing football news, the Celtics beat the Knicks- 102 to 96.  But the big story was that Carmelo Anthony banged on Boston’s locker room door, angrily yelling at Kevin Garnett (the two had gotten into an altercation during the game).  Then, Carmelo went out to the Celtics’ bus, where he continued to wait for Garnett.  No blows were thrown, as Madison Square Garden security and NYPD officers were there to calm Anthony down.  Damn! Carmelo Anthony is one PISSED off dude!!  You need to RELAX, Carmelo!!  You should do what I do when I am mad…I take out my meditation mat…and beat the first armless man I can find with it…then, I take deep breaths…and kick an old person as hard as I possibly can in the shins…next, I take out my “Soothing Sounds of the Ocean” CD…and choke a small animal to death with it.  Works every time!

Sources are saying that Redskins QB Robert Griffin III has suffered a partially torn ligament in his right knee and that he will undergo more testing for further damage.  Some people are blaming Skins coach Mike Shanahan for playing a clearly hurt Griffin.  But not me, daddy.  I don’t know how you tell a football player with a big heart, one that has led his team all year, that he can’t play in the playoffs.  I don’t know how you tell RG3 that he can’t at least try.  Heck, I don’t know how you tell a two-year-old not to steal a car…’cause they just look so damned cute when they’re driving away!!  I mean, I don’t know how you tell your dad you farted on his head while he was taking a nap…it’s just not something one wants to admit!!  What I’m saying is, I don’t know how you tell your landlord that you “accidentally” blew up your/his house!!  Honey, we have to get a moving van…NOW!!!!

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the creator(s) of the H2 show, Ancient Aliens.  Thankfully, this insane programming exists; because as my Fighting Irish were getting slaughtered by the Tide, I was able to turn the game off and escape to a world of crazy-haired theorists, pot talk, and general fucked-up-edness.  Thank you, Ancient Aliens!

See ya later, Dave Pound!

-Dave (1/8/13)

The big game is TONIGHT! Number One Vs. Number Two! Ewww! That sort of makes it sound like Pee Vs. Poo!! Ewwwww!!! (1/7/13)

 

It’s your January Seventh Davey Mac Sports Report and after what feels like years and years of waiting and pacing and fuckin’ around and stickin’ our dicks in large bowls of apple sauce and seeing how many billiards balls can fit up our asses, the Notre Dame-Alabama BCS Championship Game is FINALLY here, dogsies.  Well, it’s about fucking time!!  I’ve grown a son-of-a-bitching beard since both teams last played in a galaxy a long time ago, far far away!!  Shit, I can’t even remember Notre Dame’s last opponent!!  I think it was against the Hoth University Wampa’s but then again, I’ve been mixing various kinds of “legal” medication and my head is fucking KILLING me!!  Anyway, good luck to both teams; you’re both solid schools…but you in no way compare to the Dagobah State College Giant Swamp Slugs!!!  GO DSC!!!

But hey, we also had four NFL playoff games over the weekend!  The Redskins lost a tough one to the Seahawks yesterday, 24 to 14.  Washington had been up 14 to nothing when the offense fell apart amid Robert Griffin III getting fucked by a Seattle defense harder than that hobbit slut barmaid got it from Samwise when he returned from Mordor.  RG3 ultimately had to leave the game when he and his 1988 Whoopi Goldberg hairdo were injured.  As for Seattle, they haven’t been this happy since Kurt Cobain chopped Axl Rose’s head off at the 1992 MTV Music Awards.  Boom!

After announcing that this post-season will be the final football game(s) of his career, Ray Lewis led the Ravens to a 24 to 9 stomping over the Colts.  After the game, Lewis did his famous dance routine for the final time before the fans of Baltimore.  It’s sort of weird that the NFL’s arguably most frightening man has a precious dance routine.  I mean, it’s a tad on the feminine side, no?  Kind of like when Roman soldiers used to fuck each other between battles, no?  Sort of like when Optimus Prime and Megatron used to blow one another, no?  A little like when the cast of Golden Girls would start some sick sex-chain with each other, no?  Kind of like when the Three Stooges would would get drunk and put toilet bowl bowl plungers up their asses, no?  It’s just weird, is all…

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Packers’ Aaron Rodgers, who threw for 274 yards and a touchdown as Green Bay beat the Vikings on Saturday, 24 to 10.  I wonder if everywhere Rodgers goes he has to hear someone yelling at him, “Hey, Rodgers!  Discount Double Check!!” because of those fucking State Farm Insurance commercials he does.  If I had to deal with that every day, I’d slice my nipples off.  Heck, if I don’t get enough green lights when driving I often think of slicing my nipples off.  In fact, I just think that I want to slice my nipples off…maybe I should see a psychiatrist…

Adios, amigos!!  ‘Till tomorrow!!

-Dave (1/7/13)

Oregon beats Kansas State in the Who Fucking Cares Bowl! (1/4/12)

 

It’s your January Fourth Davey Mac Sports Report and Oregon easily defeated Kansas State last night, 35 to 17, and blah, blah, blah…honestly, who fucking cares about these bowl games.  It has become cliche to complain about the college bowl system and lack of NCAA tournament for football…but that is only because the cliche is fucking TRUE!!!  I’d rather watch a Facts Of Life marathon than ANY of these corporate, boring bowl games.  Shit, now that I think about it, I’d rather watch a Facts Of Life marathon than almost anything in general.  Especially the episode where Natalie and Tootie get all fucking drunk at a casino and lose all their money and have to get finger-cuffed by a basketball team in order to get back to Mrs. Garrett’s shitty school.  It was especially touching when Natalie revealed that she had been DP’d.  God bless Facts Of Life!!

And now for a story that we DO care about: Mr. Rex “Can I Possibly Get Any Creepier” Ryan.  The answer to his own, new nick-name- fuck yeah!!!  Ryan was spotted sunbathing shirtless in the Bahamas with a new tattoo…a new tattoo…that portrayed Ryan’s wife wearing nothing but a Mark Sanchez shirt.  Oh, yes, it’s true.

There are a MILLION things wrong with this but first of all, what happens when Rex gets fucking fired from the Jets?!  What happens if Rex has to bench Sanchez again?!  What happens if a fucking photographer should see Rex Ryan sunbathing, shirtless, on the beach and sporting a brand, new, HORRIBLE tattoo?!  For the answers to these questions, AND to the questions “Why does my shit taste like pez?”; “What happens when I stick my dick in a furnace?”; “Why do babies point and laugh at me?”…read my NEW book- “Dave’s Big Book of Bullshit”…in stores NOW!!!

There’s some other shit going on in sports but I’m still sick and need to get out of here.  So let’s quickly look at this weekend’s NFL Wild Card Playoff Match-ups!!  The Vikings take on the Packers.  Prediction- I’m gonna masturbate to that tattoo of Rex Ryan’s wife not wearing pants.

Texans go against the Bengals.  Prediction- hey, don’t fucking judge me!!  She looks pretty good in the pic!!

The Colts play the Ravens.  Prediction- wait, if I jerk off to a girl tattoo…but it’s on a guy’s arm…does that mean I’ve just done some man-man-woman threesome?

Finally, the Seahawks face the Redskin.  Prediction- aw, who cares!  I’ve done worse!  Like the time I spanked it in a Toys ‘R’ Us while looking at the Josie & The Pussycats Lego collection!!

See you guys on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program!!  LIVE at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, on Sirius 206, XM 105!!  Peace!

-Dave (1/4/13)

Where in the world is Ryan Sandiego? What? The Bahamas? Well, that just ruined the fucking mystery, now didn’t it!! (1/3/13)

 

It’s your January Third Davey Mac Sports Report and rumors of Rex Ryan’s disappearance have finally concluded as we have learned that Rex is “vacationing” in the Bahamas.  This “vacation” comes after Ryan was nowhere to be “found” after Jets GM “Mike” Tannenbaum was fired on “Monday” and, “Jesus”, I’m really getting “carried” away with this fucking “quotes” “thing.”  I’m not sure “what” I’m even trying “to” insinuate anywa”y”.

…Sorry for that nonsense.  Anyway, the NFL’s most vocal coach was indeed befuddling as one would have expected Ryan to comment about his GM’s dismissal.  Then again, one must also realize that Rex Ryan and his owner, Woody Johnson, are two scumbags who should simply walk out onto their home field, dig a couple of holes next to Jimmy Hoffa, and disappear for the good of the civilized sports world.  At least, that’s what this journalist “thinks.”

And now for a random Don Mattingly-pissed-at-an-umpire gif:

In college football, #21 Louisville shocked the piss out of #3 Florida in the Horse-Shit-Corporate-Name-Here Sugar Bowl last night, 33 to 23.  I’m sorry, I know this may be old school, but I just can’t get into these bowls now that they have big sponsor names in front of them…the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, the Sears & Roebuck’s Dildo Bowl, the Fat Frank’s Fuck Bowl, the Leper’s Lice Bowl, the Cock Jim’s Dick Bowl, the Robot Ass Butt Bowl, the Jeff Goldblum Large Eye Bowl, the Bowl Bowl, and, of course, the Bowl Bowl Bowl Bowl.  Call me old-fashioned, but I hate these corporate bastards!!

Hey, you know what I almost forgot about?  Hockey!!  I would like to give you a score from one of the games from last night but, oh yes, the fucked-up sports association that is the National Hockey League is in their third fucking lockout/strike in 18 years!!!  Way to go, assholes!!  Your sport’s popularity is shrinking incredibly faster than Lily Tomlin because kids in Florida and Texas don’t exactly have access to frozen lakes; and yet you’re STILL alienating your fans by squabbling over millions?  Well, fuck my ass with a steel-spiked broom-handle that you made under the influence of LSD already!!!  Seriously!!  Fuck it, you greedy pigs!!!

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim who won his 903rd game yesterday; passing legendary coach Bobby Knight for second place all time (Mike Krzyzewski is first).  Good for Boeheim with this achievement.  I guess Boeheim has officially survived that Sandusky Scandal Part II of his (Boeheim’s former assistant, Bernie Fine, was accused of molesting boys).  Said Boeheim of his accomplishment: “Looks like I did what Joe Paterno couldn’t do- keeping my job amid allegations that one of my coaches raped kids!!  Fuck YOU, Joe Pa!!  Eat it!!”

See you tonight, homies for the Davey Mac Sports Program!!  LIVE on the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Peace!!

-Dave (1/3/13)

Happy New Year! Now collect your shit and get the fuck out of here!!! (1/2/13)

 

It’s your January Second, Two-Thousand-and-THIRTEEN Davey Mac Sports Report and Happy New Year, Dave Pound!!  I hope your holidays went well and that you got mildly intoxicated and, unlike me, did not get into some legal problems with your neighbor for throwing a bowling ball through his window.  I also hope you’re having a much better season than the SEVEN coaches and four GM’s in the NFL who were thrown out on their asses from by their respective organizations.  And since no one except the 350,000 drunkards in Buffalo cares about the Bills (who let go of Chan Gailey); nor does anyone except the high school drama club and degenerates who jerk off to Shakespeare have any interest in someone named Romeo (as in Romeo Crennel, released from the chiefs), we will instead concentrate on the three most interesting firings.  And when we are done, we will go proclaim ourselves the Kings Of The New Year, which means we will be allowed to have sex with anyone born on January First, regardless of race, gender, species, being alive, etc., as long as they’re of legal age!!  Although, now that we think about it, our mom is born on January First, so strike that last sentence from the fucking record!!

First off- we have Lovie Smith of the Bears who, despite taking Chicago to the Super Bowl, was fired this year after going 10 and 6 (though the team finished their season at 3 and 5).  I would feel bad for the guy…except that his name is Lovie.  I mean, he might as well call himself Pussy Smith (which sounds like some kind of Indiana Jones soft-core porn parody one would see on Cinemax).  How can a guy in America’s most popular and most manly sport walk around calling himself LOVIE like he’s some British whore-nurse who sucks her patients off to save their lives?!  I’m sorry, but if I owned a team, I’d hire a coach named Dildo Brown before a guy named Lovie Smith!!!  So long, LOVIE!!!

Then we have Mr. Andy Reid of the Eagles.  Reid also led Philly to a Super Bowl and was their winning-est coach of all time.  But the team was a fucking train wreck this year.  And, let’s face it, the guy looks exactly like Wilfred Brimley these days.  It’s fucking scary.  Look at the two photos below.  I bet you won’t know who’s who.  I’ll give you a hint, the guy on the left coaches a man who electrocuted dogs, and the man on the right says “diabeetus” a lot.  Do you need another hint?  OK, I once saw the fellow on the left eating some oatmeal…meanwhile the dude on the right once grabbed my cock…wait…maybe it’s the other way around…see now I’M confused!!!  Damn!!!

Lastly, the man “in charge” of bringing Rex Ryan AND Tim Tebow to the Jets, former general manager Mike Tannenbaum, has been fired by the team’s owner Woody Johnson.  Why Ryan was not fired is beyond me.  Quite frankly, I’m assuming that Ryan and Johnson have some mutual, foot-fetish, toe-in-ass, blackmailing photos that they are probably using on each other.  As for Tannenbaum, he commented after his firing: “I’d tell you what I disliked about Rex Ryan but he’d probably eat me.  BAM!!!  As for my former owner, Woody Johnson, I’ve never seen a billionaire have such a bad case of Progeria Disease.  BOOM!!  Mike Tannenbaum- shock jock GM- OUT!!”

See ya later, dogsies!  The Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) returns Thursday, January 3rd on Ustream at 7 Eastern; and posted on iTunes and RiotCast.com following the broadcast!!  Peace!!

-Dave (1/2/13)

It’s holiday time at the Davey Mac Sports Report! Yaaay! (12/24/12)

 

It’s your December Twenty-Fourth Davey Mac Sports Report and, being that it’s OFFICIALLY Christmas and New Year’s time; so we’d like to say Happy Holidays to all of you sons of bitches who visit EastSideDaveCountry.com, or listen to the Davey Mac Sports Program (both editions of the show, on Sirius XM Satellite Radio and iTunes), or watch my videos here and on YouTube (EastSideDaveVideos)!!  Thank you, everyone!!

It’s been a good year!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) was recently named BEST OF 2012 by the  iTunes Editorial Team, which was a HUGE honor!!  I got myself a talent agent whose help will likely get me an Academy Award nomination by 2013.  My morning show (Michele & Dave) that I co-host on WBJB 90.5 The Night in New Jersey, has gotten awesome fucking ratings!!!  Mainly due to my own animal-melting psychic brilliance!!  We’re on a fucking roll, daddy!!

Anyway, a lot of shit happened yesterday in football.  But here’s what you need to know.  The Seahawks are really fucking good as they kicked the piss out of the 49′ers yesterday.  Andrew Luck and the Colts clinched a spot in the playoffs with a victory over the Chiefs.  I just farted.  The Ravens won the AFC North by crushing the Giants.  Boy, I have REALLY bad gas.  Tim Tebow refused to play in the Wildcat formation on Sunday in the Jets/Chargers game because he was angry at being passed over for the start against San Diego.  I think I just shit a little.  The Redskins won again.  The Saints beat the Cowboys in overtime.  I definitely shit my pants.  Dammit.  The Packers annihilated the Titans.  How am I gonna clean these shit-pants before my wife sees them?  The Bears’ playoff hopes stayed alive with their win over the Cardinals.  Maybe I’ll wait until my wife goes out and I’ll bury the shit-pants in the backyard next to our dead parakeet.  The Bengals made the playoffs by beating the Steelers.  Man, I HATE always having to bury shit-pants in the backyard during Christmas.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a happy holiday!  The Sports Report will go on hiatus for a while!  But we’ll be back on Wednesday, January Second!!  Peace!!

-Dave (12/24/12)

David Akers- threatened on the Twitter! David McDonald- threatened on the shitter! (12/21/12)

 

It’s your December Twenty-First Davey Mac Sports Report and 49′ers kicker David Akers is the latest athlete in America to get threatened on a Social Network.  After having a rough season, a user named RIP_FreeLaddin tweeted:

“YOU FAGGOT IF YOU MISS ONE MORE FIELD GOAL YOU ABOUT TO GET YOUR ENTIRE LIFE ENDED”

Akers has now apparently disabled his Twitter account.  OK, first of all, this threat is disgusting.  Secondly, and I may be crazy, but I don’t think RIP FreeLaddin is this guy’s real name!!  I mean, how many “Rip’s” do YOU know?  Sure, I once got drunk and raped a horse with Rip Torn…but that’s just one guy.  Oh, and one time I did some mescaline with Rap Taylor and passed out in a petting zoo.  OK, that’s two Rip’s.  Big fucking deal.  Oh yeah, I forgot, my dad’s best friend’s name is Rip, and we once did some LSD and blew up his little brother’s train set.  So sue me!!

A special Davey Mac Hats Off to Wade Boggs, who was recently spotted at an Oklahoma City Thunder game…dancing…

Here’s a link to the video. I’m giving it to you on the trust that you will return to EastSideDaveCountry.com. Don’t make a fool out of me, you son of a bitch.

That’s some sweet fucking dancing, Wade.  You should have tried out for Saturday Night Fever.

In more strange news, three-time U.S. Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton has been found out to be working as a call girl this past year (below is a picture of Favor and two photos of her as “Kelly”, posted on her escort agency’s website).  As a moral sports journalist, I think this is WRONG.  I mean, a female who’s an elite athlete charging people for sex?  How dare she.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go give hand jobs to elderly men at the nursing home for a free turkey sandwich.  Good day.

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Planet Earth.  Looks like you proved those dumb, fucking Mayans wrong once AGAIN!!  Great job, World!!!

See you guys later!!  Have an excellent weekend!!

-Dave (12/21/12)