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NFL Playoffs, Daddy! My You-Know-What is HARD!

                Click To Enlarge.  Then Print.  Then Pick.  Then Drink.

By "you-know-what" I am of course referring to my back.  It's become quite stiff in this frigid New Jersey weather.  Regardless, my stomach is gonna be burning this weekend with NFL Playoff fire (and Jack Daniels)!!  Who do YOU like?  And don't say the L.A. Rams because they didn't make the playoffs this year nor are they a current NFL franchise.  Me?  I'm going with the Pats, Seahawks, Packers, and Colts.  BAM!

I Wish For You Only Good Things.

It's true.  The fact that you're reading this right now means that something excellent is in store for you.  I know this for a fact.  For my name is David......future-telling dope.

How To Watch Star Wars Properly.

In case you didn't know already, I'm currently re-obsessed with the most wonderful film franchise of all time- the Star Wars saga.  And through my space-fantasy addiction, which has led me to many articles online, I uncovered some much-needed advice on how to view Star Wars and not lose the surprise factor/magic.  Very simply, to keep the "I am your father" awesomeness fresh, watch the series in this order:

1. Star Wars: Episode IV, A New Hope

2. Star Wars: Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back

3. Star Wars: Episode II, Attack Of The Clones

4. Star Wars: Episode III, Revenge Of The Sith

5. Star Wars: Episode VI, Return of the Jedi

Now, by doing this method, after Darth Vader tells Luke his big secret, you can go back and watch episodes 2 and 3 and take them in as flashbacks/origin stories.  Then after 3, we get back into modern times with Jedi.  And yes, obviously Episode I, The Phantom Menace was omitted because it is a little stinky (though I like the Darth Maul Vs. Qui-Gon scenes).  You're welcome, Planet Earth.

- East Side Dave

Star Wars Chicken

I feel like if I had to......if I HAD to........I would win a game of Space-Chicken against the Millennium Falcon.  I think Han Solo would blink first.  He may have navigated successfully through an asteroid field (never tell him the odds, by the way) and blown up tons of TIE Fighters......but....I mean......destroying a TIE Fighter is like swatting flies.  I'm just sayin'.......

Blue Oyster Cult Was Wrong! Fear The Reaper!

                       "East Side" Dave: He definitely fears the Reaper.

Listen, I love Blue Oyster Cult........but if you see a shadowy figure slowly approaching you, holding a damned scythe....RUN, daddy!!  Sorry, Blue Oyster Cult, but the Dave Man fears the damned reaper already!!  By the way, listen to Davey Mac on WRAT 95.9 FM!!  Hear the show online at WRAT.com or the free WRAT app!!  Now RUN, daddy!!  RUN!!!

Missing: One Stormtrooper Helmet.

If you see a missing Stormtrooper helmet in either Asbury Park, New Jersey or Tatooine, then please notify Davey Mac (Stormtrooper ID: TK-421) immediately.  Reward of 150 Space-Bucks.  For additional information, contact Grand Moff Tarkin, Jr., currently residing on Death Star III.  Thank you. 

This Morning.......The Dave Man Brings The Pain.

I'm not here to screw around on the radio.  Well...ok...that actually is exactly why I'm here.  Nonetheless, it's commonly known throughout the land that "East Side" Dave McDonald is the greatest ultimate fighter in the universe.  I once put an arm bar on my mom and snapped the thing in two the way a 74-year-old woman's arm would break if someone put a wrestling move on it.  I'm tough, dawg.  One time, I walked into 7-11, filled up my Slurpee cup, drank about a quarter of it, and then refilled the cup with more Slurpee without asking.  Face.  Thus, listen to the world's hero, Davey Mac, along with Carl Craft and Gotts, weekdays at 6 AM (EST) on New Jersey's legendary WRAT 95.9 FM.  Listen to the show online at WRAT.com or the free WRAT app!!  Now, I have to get back to my training.  I'm planning on putting my 75-year-old dad in a headlock this afternoon.  Good day, America.

- East Side Dave

Don't You Forget The Numbers, Dave Pound! Don't You EVER Forget The Numbers!

                    East Side Dave: Friends With The Smoke Monster

Remember, when you hear the clock counting down...enter the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 and then press execute.  After that, immediately turn your radios to one of the premier rock stations in America, WRAT 95.9 FM to listen to the Dave Man!!  Carl & Dave (and Gotts) go live every weekday at 6 AM (EST)!!  Not in Jersey?  No problem, silly-face!!  Listen to the show online at WRAT.com or the free WRAT app!!  Anyway, I have to go!!  Here come Jack and Kate and they're gonna stick their noses in my shit!!  Peace!!   

RIP, Stuart Scott!

ESPN's Stuart Scott died over the weekend at the age of 49.  Scott made his name as an anchor for ESPN's premier show, SportsCenter, and as co-host of the Monday Night Football pre-show, Monday Night Countdown.  Scott had his detractors.....but still left a large and impressive enough television footprint that he was parodied on Saturday Night Live.  That stooge Neil Everett can't say that...who, in my opinion, sucks the big elephant dick.  Nor did he lay his hands on ME, "East Side" Dave McDonald, the way Chris Berman did after the Giants won the Super Bowl and I drunkenly asked Berman to pose for a selfie by grabbing his neck.  I'm sure Stuart Scott would have never told me to "Get your fucking hands off me" the way Mr. Berman so rudely insisted.  Anyway, RIP Stu!      - Davey Mac

I Love NFL Games On Saturday.

NFL Playoff football on a Saturday is better than riding a camel in the nude......which is pretty damned awesome....especially if you're either A.) on mushrooms or B.) you like being naked around animals.  Anyway, God Bless America!! 

- East Side Dave

Have An Excellent Weeked In This Crazy Year Of 2015!!

This is Davey Mac, the world's greatest adventurer, requesting that all of you fine people have one hell of a weekend.  I myself am gonna get nuts.  So if you see a disturbed, naked, red-headed man skipping sloppily on the sidewalk, say hello.  I promise not to be bite.  Unless I haven't eaten.  Then I ain't promising shit, daddy.  Have a superb weekend, Dave Pound!!

Happy New Year, Dave Pound!

                             East Side Dave: He Isn't Wearing Pants

It's your New Year's Eve King, Rockin' & Rollin' "East Side" Dave McDonald, saying let's bring in 2015 in style.....and by that I mean with no pants on!!  Happy New Year, dogsies!!!

I Am A Deaf, Dumb, And Blind Kid Apparently.

                        Photo Credit: Edwin Escobar on Twitter

I have welcomed a brand new addiction into my psychotic, obsessive-compulsive world......and that vice's name is PINBALL.  I've been going to the Silverball Museum & Arcade in Asbury Park, New Jersey at least thrice a week.  Damn, dogsie, I may start going every day.  I want the scoring record on ALL of those damned machines......and that includes YOUR crazy-assed games, Elvira and Sopranos!!  Peace!! 

- Davey Mac

Say Goodbye To 2014 With The Morning Rat Race! Right NOW!

                         Davey Mac - Not Very Mentally Balanced

It's been a tremendously insane and yet great year!!  We've had an awesome time!!  I'd like to thank the best radio station in America, WRAT 95.9 FM for a fantastic opportunity to destroy the mornings with Carl Craft and Gotts!!  So check out the Morning Rat Race with Carl & Dave (and the Gotts), weekdays at 6 AM (EST)!!  Hear us on WRAT 95.9 FM!!  Are you not in the wonderful New Jersey area?  No problem, dogsie!!  Listen to us online at WRAT.com or the free WRAT app!!  Thanks for a fun year, everyone!!  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to do poops in the bowl-with-water-thing, aka "the toilet". 

- East Side Dave

I Was Deprived Of Proper Sleep.

I did not get my usual eight, or seven, or even five hours of sleep last night.  Nor did I receive TWO hours of rest.  As a result, I am more insane right now than a rabid dog who's just eaten a bag of meth.  And the odd thing is.....I kind of like it.  Not that I'm going to make a perpetual habit out of depriving myself of sleep, but I'm certainly gonna ride this fun Crazy Train until it goes off the rails and crashes in the damned river!!  Have a good day!

The Dave Man is ready to rock the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks out of your morning.

           Pictured - Dave (right) & Gotts (left) looking very suspicious.

Carl Craft is out for the week, but Davey Mac is in the WRAT house with his boy Gotts this AM!  Check out the Morning Rat Race with the Dave Man at 6 AM (EST)!!  Listen on WRAT 95.9 FM!!  Not in Jersey?  Hear the show online at WRAT.com or the free WRAT App!!  Now regarding the photo in this article, pay no attention.....we realize it looks......um......strange.  

Goooooooooood Morning, Dave Pound!

I am hoping that your holidays are kicking the proverbial ass.  I'm also wishing that your New Year goes exceptionally well, dogsie.  And if you'd like, tune in to the Dave Man on the Morning Rat Race, exclusively heard on WRAT 95.9 FM, this morning and every weekday at 6 AM (EST)!!  OR, listen to Davey Mac online at WRAT.com or the free WRAT App!!  Have a dominant day, baby!!