Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- June 5)

  I'm back to work after a restful three-day weekend which entailed a Radiohead show, an action-packed wedding, and more!  What should I do first?

a.) David should begin writing another fantastic Davey Mac Sports Report in which he types with one hand and cleans the jizz off his computer with his other hand, while jerking off with one foot, and tap-dancing with his other foot.  Hoorah!! (29%)

b.) Dave should sing a song about fondling the ear lobes of old people called "Fuckilage Cartilage" (25%)

   c.) The Dave Man needs to stop cutting holes in the crotch area of his dog's pajamas because he finds it "sexy." (25%)

d.) Fuck Time! (21%)

Dave & Pepper to rock and cock new material on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!

  Shit yes, baby!!!  I may be going to radio superstar "Primetime" Sam Roberts' illustrious wedding, but through the magic of technology, Davey Mac, Pepper, and SPECIAL GUESTS Roy Shaffer & Sean O will still be giving some new material on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!!  Tune it to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) for a mother-fucking fuck-fest!!!  Topics include:

* Weddings- are they official if your ceremony takes place in a venue that serves chicken fingers?

* Pastor Manny Cummings will read a special prayer entitled:  "Just Because You Are Now Married Doesn't Mean You Can Put Your Pinky In Your Wife's Asshole When She's Passed Out Drunk"

* The Silly Brothers, Marty & Matty, talk about the time they were kidnapped and tortured by the Angry Brothers, Bruce & Burt

* Caressing someone at a funeral home- why you shouldn't "go for tit" while doing it

* Poo- you know you love it

* And "America's Favorite Bus-Driver", Donnie Bulb, discusses his new memoir- "I Am Gonna Get SO Fucking Drunk...FUCK The Kids!!!!"

See you guys Saturday on Sirius 206, XM 105 at 7 PM (EST)!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- June 1)

  I'm going to see Radiohead tonight in Newark!  How awesome is this gonna be?!?!

a.) So awesome, Davey Mac, that you'll probably end up shitting your pants so much that the shit'll roll down your leg and into your socks and from hence forth people will call you "Shitless Joe Jackson"!!! (28%)

b.) It would be "awesome" if it wasn't in Newark, David.  I hope Radiohead has a song called "Bullet Proof Vest"!!! (22%)

c.) I'm jealous, Dave Man!!!  I wish I was going!!  I'd do anything to see Radiohead!!  Shit, I'd cut off my left testicle to see them live!!  Honestly, I will cut it the fuck off right here if someone gives me a ticket!!!  And even if they don't, I STILL will cut off my left testicle!!!  Shit...who am I kidding...I just really want to cut off my left testicle is all...it has nothing to do with seein' Radiohead...I...I'm not even a music fan...I like playin' checkers, though!!  Yeeeehhaaaww!!! (27%)

d.) My goldfish just died, so FUCK YOU, Dave, I'm not in the mood for any of this shit!!! (23%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 31)

  Today is the last day of May.  Wow...time really flies, doesn't it?

a.) Shit yes!  It seems like just yesterday I was killing small animals...now I've made my way up to large mammals!!  Yeeeeeeehhhaaawww!!! (23%)

b.) Not to disagree, but time actually goes real slow for me...that's 'cause every morning I goes hiiiiiighin' baby...yeahhhh...where's my copy of Wish You Were Here...oh yeahhh, dawg...you know, this album was about Syd Barrett...fuck yeah, babay...he thought he was a cup of orange juice or some shit like that...shitties...Tropicana, dawg...Minute Maid, homie...yeahhhhh...let's tickle each other, baby... (27%)

c.) Time is nothing more than allusion created by THEM to keep US in line.  Shit.  I think I've attained a contact high from poll option "B". (24%)

d.) I refuse to answer this question on account of my hatred for calendars.  I HATES 'EM!!!  YES, I  FUCKING DO!!!! (26%)

This week's Internet version of the Davey Mac Sports Program is now up on iTunes!

    What we talk about:

* The Stanley Cup

* Game of Thrones

* Dildos

* Nostril Size

  What we do to each other:

* Tickle

* Pluck

* Touch

  What will happen to one another:

* Finger cuffs

* Premature ejaculation

* Poops

Go to The Davey Mac Sports Program on iTunes!!!  Subscribe!!  Rate & Review!!!  Enjoy yourselves!!  Ssssssssuck & Fffffffffuck!!!!

We rock the shit out of Ustream this evening!! LIVE at 7 (EST)!! JOIN US.......

  ...or DIE! Muhahahahaha!!!!

...just kidding...you're not really going to die...

...or maybe you WILL..hahahahaha!!!!

...well...technically...we ALL are gonna die some day, I suppose...

...That's a SOBERING thought!! 

...maybe...but it shouldn't come as a surprise.  It's just the way life works.

...I suppose!!  But that still doesn't mean that the concept of DEATH doesn't rattle my cage!!!!

...Try to reflect on it.  Understand that every human before you has died...and the world just continues.

...I guess that makes some sense!!!  Thanks for your help!!!  Muhahahaha!!!!

...no problem.  See you tonight at 7 (EST) for the Davey Mac Sports Program starring Dave, Pepper, Roy Shaffer, and Sean O.  Just go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream!

...and don't forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes!!

...And now...here's an OVERLY SILLY & CLICHE RADIO PRESS PHOTO:

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 30)

  I've been up all night with a horribly upset stomach.  And I still have it.  Any suggested remedies?

a.) Stick a bottle of Pepto Bismol straight up yo' ass, Diddy Mac!!!  Bang-bang!! (23%)

b.) Have some chicken soup and kick a fourth-grader in the groin.  It worksed for my imprisoned uncle! (24%)

c.) Lie down, think pleasant thoughts...for instance, think about the time some paint thinner "accidentally" went into your dick-hole...on second thought, maybe skip that one... (26%)

d.) Take a cold shower with a cute animal, like a penguin, and see if you can get to second base! (27%)

Davey Mac & HOMIES- LIVE on Ustream on Wednesday at 7 PM (EST)!!

  Join us Wednesday, people!!  The show promises to be more fun than touching the hardened, dry poop from a small animal.  Just go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM (EST), friends!!!

JOIN:

Davey Mac- the man with the plan!

Pepper- farts are HIS specialty!

Sean O- engineer, possible drug-lord!

Roy Shaffer- he once hit his former gym teacher with his car!

See you guys on WESNDESDAY at 7 (EST) on Ustream!  Peace!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 29)

  How was your Memorial Day weekend?

a.) Great!  I went to my parents' swimming pool and only pissed four times in it!  Oh...and I also farted a couple of times in the pool, too...   ...Oh yeah...I also made some poop in the pool once...ok, fine, twice...alright, alright, THRICE...but I really had to go!!!! (24%)

b.) I had a very pleasant weekend.  To honor those who served in our country's military, I dressed neighborhood squirrels like V.C. and napalmed THE SHIT out of them!!!!  BOOM!!! (26%)

c.) My weekend wasn't very fun.  It rained where I live so rather than go to the beach I had to say home and stab my dick with number two pencils. (24%)

d.) We had a wonderful few days!  I took some LSD and my friend brought over some squirrel meat that we barbecue'd!!  It tasted a little napalm-y, but so fucking be it!!!! (26%)

Davey Mac & Pepper Stan salute AMERICA, LIVE, on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio at 7 (EST)!!!!

 

That's fucking right, Americans.  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE on this holiday weekend!!  Other shows may be off or in re-run mode- but not US, baby!!!  Why?  Because we fucking LOVE America, that's why!!!  Join Davey Mac, Pepper, and others on Saturday on The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!!  The topics for the show will include:

* General George Chalk talks about the "benevolent, peace mission" he did in the 1972 where he bit the heads off 18 Chinese babies.

* Dave & Pepper shoot mannequins dressed as radio executives with vintage, Revolutionary War cannons stuffed with jizz.

* We thank the troops for kicking so much ass.  And to show our gratitude, Dave, Pepper, and special guest Roy Shaffer beat up a homeless person who we suspect is "a commie."

* Military journalist Lance Duck discusses the time he shot a foreign correspondent from France for "dressing like a pussy."

* And the remaining members of the band War come in and choke out the remaining members of the band Love.

Seriously, though, thanks to every one who has served and/or is serving our country in the military!!  See you on Saturday on Sirius XM at 7 PM (EST)!!  Adios!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 25)

  Today commences a big, three-day, Memorial Day weekend!!!  What are your plans???

a.) I'm gonna get all meth'ed-up and re-enact the Trayvon Martin - George Zimmerman case with my neighbors!!  Wooo-hoooo!!!

b.) I'm gonna watch only the best, most sacred, war movies to commemorate this special weekend.  Specifically, I shall be viewing Hot Shots! Part Deux and Down Periscope.

  c.) I'm gonna light my dick on fire and sing the "Star Spangled Banner."

d.) I'm gonna do what I do every Memorial Day Weekend- drink shitloads of beer and pass out in a kiddy pool; filling up said pool with my own foamy vomit.  U-S-A!!  U-S-A!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 24)

  How awful does the Rock Of Ages movie look?

a.) It'll be as bad as the new Twilight movie:  Twilight 4- Jizzum (23%)

  b.) I'd rather have my former grade school gym teacher, Mr. Gurney, touch my privates...again. (24%)

c.) It looks worse than my Uncle Drake whose eye brows were blasted off in the Great War. (26%)

d.) Actually, I kind of want to see it.  And while watching it, I plan to shove metal spikes in my hiney.  What?  That's what I do every Friday. (27%)

This week's Internet version of the Davey Mac Show is now up! Check it!!

  Fuck, yeah!!  This week's Davey Mac Sports Program is up on iTunes!!  Subscribe to the show and enjoy!!  We talk all kinds of shit!!  Davey Mac locks his keys in his car like a big, dumb idiot.  Pepper's stomach hurts from eating too much ice cream.  Roy Shaffer has tax problems.  And Sean O is drunk!  The farts fly HIGH on the show that is so spectacular is stunted the growth of Gary Coleman!!  The jizz floats low on the show so extraordinary it fucked up four-time Listening Champion Of The Year-winner Marlee Matlin's hearing for good!!  Listen to the show so great it made Nick Nolte exclaim: "Why are my God-Damn feet on fire?!?!?!"  Subscribe, rate & review, and, as always, thank you!!!!  Go to Davey Mac Sports Program on iTunes to hear it NOW!! 

We KILLZ it LIVE on Ustream TONIGHT at 7 (EST)!!! Let's fucking go!!!

  Yes sir, homies!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 (EST)!!!  Join Dave, Pepper, Roy Shaffer, and Sean O for the "most wonderful thing that's happened to me since my dick was chopped off!!" (- John Wayne Bobbitt)  Watch as Dave chokes on a piece of butter, Pepper texts his loan shark, Roy shoots heroin into his pet rabbit, and Sean O tickles the building janitor.  It's gonna be "more exciting than stabbing Jimmy Stewart in the leg for makin' eyes at Maureen O'Hara!!" (- John Wayne)  See you on Ustream at 7 (EST)!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 23)

  What is your favorite Biblical story?

a.) Noah's Ark (14%)

b.) David Vs. Goliath (16%)

c.) The parable of the Apostle Simon and his magical bag of farts (21%)

d.) The tale of John the Baptist breaking his X-Box controller after losing to Jesus in Madden 30 AD (24%)

e.) The time when God clearly helped Eli Manning beat an undefeated Tom Brady in Super Bowl XLII. (25%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 22)

  I'm going to see The Pirates! Band of Misfits today with my little guy, Stanley Mac.  What should I expect?

a.) At some point in the movie, Stan will slam my skull with my car keys and laugh as my brain bleeds and I go in and out of consciousness. (23%)

b.) The elderly people behind us will tell us to quiet down as both my child and myself will throw our soda's at their noses. (24%)

c.) The ticket-checking teenager will shine his flashlight on us, at which point we'll give him the middle finger and dump our buckets of popcorn over his head and yell "NERD!" (25%)

d.) We'll exit noisily, screaming at the audience, "This movie sucks anyway!", before stopping to light the screen on fire.  FIN. (28%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 21)

  Did you see the solar eclipse yesterday?

a.) I would have seen it...but I misplaced my eye-balls. (24%)

b.) No, I was busy hacking the legs off of a local dentist and feeding them to my overly-hungry plant, Seymour.  PS- my plant...is a REAL fucking asshole!! (25%)

c.) I don't really care for astronomy.  My favorite science is cumology- The Study of Jizz. (25%)

d.) I would have looked at it but I had to bail my dad out of jail for gluing thumb tacks to the outside of the Braille Institute. (26%)

It's a LIVE Piss Party with Dave & Pepper on Saturday on Sirius XM at 7 (EST)!

  Oh yes, baby!!  Join Dave and Pepper for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL, the "greatest show since Dick Fest 2011" (-Nicholas Cage)!!  We'll be LIVE as always on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  Tune to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) for the "the best show since Cockapalooza" (-Gary Sinise).  Topics for the program shall include:

* Is it ok to push children into traffic if they have stupid haircuts?

* Martin Lawrence- why we feel he should change his name to Lawrence Martin.

* Cum- it's rather sticky, isn't it?

* Best-selling mystery writer Florence Gupple promotes her new novel- "Who Just Hit Nancy In The Head With A Stapler?"

* LSD-enthusiast Timothy Wary discusses the time Aliens forced him to jerk off into a cup and drink his own sperm, and when he did, he suddenly was playing center-field for the Yankees and had a dragon's tail.

* Dave and Pepper hold a wacky "How Many Orphans Can You Kidnap" contest!

* Martial arts expert Buddy Chang talks about his new memoir- "Six Guys Just Stole My Wallet...I Think One Of Them Was Black"

* And Dr. Frederick Von Steppenpup chats about his new show on the WB- "If I Was Allowed, I'd Fuck My Teen-Aged Patients"

See you homies Saturday!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 18)

  I'm going to the Bamboozle Festival in Asbury Park today.  How much fun will this be?

a.) A SHIT-load of fun, David!  Make sure you don't eat too many mushrooms before the show, though! (20%)

b.) Why are you pupils so big, David????  I TOLD you not to eat so many mushrooms, Cum-Face!! (20%)

c.) Oh, look what you did now, David, you shit yourself and pissed all over Skrillex's turn-table!!  I FUCKING TOLD you not to eat the 'shrooms, David!!! (20%)

d.) And now your head has swelled up to the size of a hot hair balloon and is slowly engulfing the entire fucking festival, David!!!  Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! (20%)

e.) ...Shit.  I think I ate too many mushrooms, David. (20%)

Thanks to Johnny Russo of Three One Design for the great Davey Mac show and Ray Wylie Hubbard photos!

  We'd like to thank the great, multi-award-winning Johnny Russo of Three One Design for the fantastic photos of Dave, Pepper, Roy Shaffer, Sean O, and legendary Texas singer/songwriter Ray Wylie Hubbard from this week's Internet version of the Davey Mac Sports Program!  For more examples of Johnny's work go to 31NYC.com!!

Davey Mac

Davey Mac & Pepper (with Ray's son Lucas in the back)

Ray Wylie Hubbard (center), his son Lucas (left), Roy Shaffer (right)

The Davey Mac Sports Program & Special Guests

The Dave Man

Pepper, Ray, Roy

Ray Wylie Hubbard- The Man

Broadcaster of the Decade- Dave McDonald