The Heat not living up to expectations and Dave having beer-farts! Carnac- “Name two things that are gauranteed to happen! Wheewww!!”

 

It’s your May Eighteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and by losing Game 3 to the Pacers last night, 94 to 75, the Heat are suddenly looking at another Choke Job that would rival only that piece-of-shit scumbag Bruno Tattaglia strangling Luca Brasi from behind.  And trust me, if Miami falls to Indiana in Game 4, LeBron’s eyes are gonna pop out of his fucking head just like Luca’s!!!  Hey, LeBron, here’s an offer you can’t refuse- make some fucking jumpers in the fourth quarter and America will leave you the fuck alone, dick-nose!!!!

 

And don’t think Dwyane Wade is getting away scot-free.  Fuck no.  That son of a bitch isn’t getting away mick-free or Limey-free, either.  D-Wade was horrendous last night and, while mired in a shitty performance, got into a fight with his little head coach Erick Spoelstra; who we here at the Davey Mac Sports Headquarters are pretty sure is in fact a puppet who was made into a real boy by some old Italian pedophile who wanted a fuck-toy around his wood shop when he got horny.  After a day of particularly good fuckin’, the creepy wood-carver said to his puppet, “You make my dick hard.”  And with that, the wooden child magically grew up to become a mediocre head coach in the NBA who gets yelled at by large black men.  The End.

 

Meanwhile, things aren’t exactly going swimmingly for Steve Blake of the Lakers, who missed a possible game-winning shot against the Thunder on Wednesday.  Blake reportedly got the following tweet after L.A.’s loss:

“I hope your family gets murdered.”

Yikes.  That’s pretty ruthless, people.  I mean, I’m as passionate about my sports teams as the next guy, but to threaten someone’s family is wrong.  Having said that, I did tweet the following:

* After the Yankees lost to the Red Sox in 2004 in the ALCS- “Hey David Ortiz, I hope your face turns into a giant pumpkin”

* After the Red Sox won the World Series later that year- “How’s that pumpkin-head of yours, Ortiz?!?! Hahahahaha!!!  I’m so fucking drunk!!!”

* When the Red Sox won the American League in 2007- “Hey Ortiz, you suck so much that we should probably fuck each other, Pumpkin Man!!! Hahahaha!!  I’m fuckin’ high as shit!!!”

* And when the Sox won the Series again in ’07- “Hey Ortiz, I just made a jack-o-lantern to look like you and now I’m gonna stare at it and masturbate and jizz while thinking of you, Big Pumpkiny!!!  Hahahah!!  Just drank some gasoline!!  Hahaha!!”

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to my son, Stanley Mac, who is turning three years old today!  Happy Birthday, Stanny!!!  I’m gonna take you to the park and did what I did when I was your age- throw rocks at kids who look like spazzes as they go down the slide!!  Good times!!!!!

PS- On a personal note, I’d like to apologize to Percy Williams, whose face I hit with one of those rocks.  Anyway, it was thirty fucking years ago, Percy, let it go!!!  Plus, I think the eye patch looks cool!!!!

See you guys Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!  Tune to the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!!  Have a great weekend!!!

-Dave (5/18/12)

Want more?  Fine!  All DAVEY MAC SPORTS REPORTS are archived in the NEWS & POLLS & MORE  section of this website.

 

 

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