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Lord of the Piss

Oh fuckies on sticks. My goodness gracious! This is a letter and video for the New York City Clerk's Office.  On a day where it reached 101 degrees in Manhattan (107 on the heat index), I had to go to 36 Centre St. in order to pick up some Official Documents.  So I'm walking and walking.  Just walking forever like I'm Frodo fucking Baggins; only I had no fat hobbit-kiss-ass-sidekick with snacks by my side.

Instead I was confused, red-headed, and alone.  After walking back and forth and not being able to comprehend why I couldn't find 36 Centre St. (the Clerk's Office), I finally chose a random, official-looking building where I said- "Hey, where is 36 Centre St.?"  The security guard looked at me like I had three dicks.  I repeated this question four more times until I said, "Where is the Clerk's Office?"  He said: "Oh. The Clerk's Office has been moved."  At which point he handed me a flyer detailing the old location of the Clerk's Office, followed by a walking route to the new location.  Thus, HE FUCKING KNEW I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE CLERK'S OFFICE BUT WAS PLAYING STUPID IN ORDER TO ANGER ME WELL GUESS WHAT FATSO IT WORKED!!!!!

I finally, arrived at the Clerk's Office after getting past Sauron and a giant spider, picked up my Official Documents, and threw that fucking cracker jack ring into some lava. The End. Here's a video of me about to have a heart attack: