(Part 6 of Dave McDonald’s 12-part series of articles about MTV’s The Real World. Originally published April 27, 2011 on RealityGeek.com)
Hell On Earth Part VI
These Real World People Suck The Asses Of Naughty Animals Who Are Not Delicious To Eat
Maybe I've been too hard on these cock-suckers, I thought to myself. Maybe I should give these fuckers a fresh start. Maybe I shouldn't care that this Champion of Assholes, Dustin, never wears a shirt, I thought. You know what, Dave? Yes, Dave? It's time to give these "kids" another chance. OK, Dave...I said to myself.
Within seconds of this past Real World episode, there was Dustin again- shorts.......no shirt......no shoes. What is this fucking LOST?! He can't even wear a pair of fucking flip-flops now?! I wish I was a store-owner so I could say NO SERVICE to this fucking shmizbo!! What the shit is wrong with this guy? Eric Nies was a God-Damned Puritan compared to this piss-head!! And he was a fucking model, Dustin, you jiz-mop! *
* and Eric hosted The Grind as we all know ***
*** but do we all know this about Eric.....that these days he looks like Jesus...
That's where you're fucking headed, Dustin!!! Don't say I didn't warn you!!!
Ok, so what else happened. Well, a bunch of blah-blah bullshit and then some new chick has joined the show since Adam got thrown out of the "house" (the best suite in the Hard Rock Hotel). This girl's name is Heather. Weird because there already IS a Heather on the show!! Whaaaaaa!!!! I haven't heard of anything so crazy since the Two-Beth-Controversy of Real World: Los Angeles!!
And guess what? This new Heather is one tough cookie!!! Hahahaha!!! Actually, I only said that because her last name is Cooke. And thus they call her Cookie. Which led me to say the thing about her being a....um.....tough.....cookie..........heh.....umm....hey look at that!!!!!!
....While you were distracted at my clever "hey look at that" ruse, I researched this year's cast of the Real World on Wikipedia and much to my surprise found that the show's true Heather is going to the same college that I graduated from- Monmouth University in New Jersey. So out of some antiquated alumni pride I will now say that the Heather is my favorite part of the show. Go Hawks!!!! *
* (this includes Hudson Hawk and my favorite cast member from Real World: Wheel-Chair Island, Stephen Hawking).
Anyway, Cookie gets into a fight with a couple of the other broads, Nany & Naomi, because Cookie likes Dustin. And may possibly want Leroy. In words, she wants to be the filling in the middle of a-----no. No more cookie jokes.
Well there you have it. For a "new room-mate episode," I though it was fairly uneventful. Maybe I just miss Glen and his Doors-Meets-Phish-except-more-sucky-and-bad-at-music band, Perch. I go now....to look up Hellen Keller on the internet. See ya, fuckers!!!