DIRECTV, I had a cable guy over my house a month ago. He was adjusting my dish, and resetting my settings, and fixing my whole system more furiously than Han Solo worked on the Millennium Falcon before it headed into that asteroid field. Yes, there is thunder. But there also is NO precipitation in my area. And the wind is too weak to blow out a candle held by Ebenezer Scrooge. And yet here we are, DIRECTV, sitting in darkness except for the blue tint coming from my television that says "No Picture." YOU are MY Scrooge, DIRECTV. And if I cannot see this pivotal Game 5 of the NBA Finals, I'm gonna Ghost of Christmas Future your fucking ass!!!!!!
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