News & Videos

Original articles, news, and videos!

Real World:Vegas from the East Side Part 4

Screen shot 2011-03-13 at 1.21.12 PM (Part 4 of Dave McDonald’s 12-part series of articles about MTV’s The Real World.   Originally published April 18, 2011 on


Hell On Earth Part IV

Here's the bad news.  Shirtless Dustin is still on the Real World.  Here's the good news.  The rest of the cast seem to be coming over to my side....and now, like me, they all hate that jive-talking shmizbo, too.  This week Dustin acts like a big genital wart when the Real World' ers decided to go go-cart racing.  I was hoping someone would throw a red or green turtle shell at Dustin and kill him.  Why?  Because Dustin thought for some insane reason that he was Mario Andretti and this go-cart race was actually important.  Dustin said over and over that he "takes racing real serious."  You know what Dustin doesn't "take serious" apparently?  Proper usage of adverbs!!! It's "seriously," you fucking illiterate cock-sucker!! As in I, East Side Dave, take speaking correctly seriously, dick-nose!!

Dustin is such an asshole.

I was just happy that the nerd of the house, Michael, called Dustin out on his shenanigans. Michael called Dustin which point Dustin, who is whiter than the Albino from "The Firm," said: "Mike-Mike, you need to step off, sir."   Step off, sir????  Who the fuck is this guy and why does he talk like this?!?!   I hope somehow that while Dustin is staying in the Hard Rock Hotel the Con Air plane re-appears and takes him out.

By the way, when describing how racing works, Dustin actually used this combination of words: "When it comes to racing there's turns......left...........right.......there's braking........acceleration."   Yes we fucking know how racing works, cum-teeth!! Let me guess- when it comes to cars, there's wheels.....and hoods.....and windows an' shit!!! Wowee!!!! This is fun! When it comes to birds there's wings and beaks an' shit!! Yeeehhaaaw!!

You know who I do love, though?  The screaming-boyfriend-on-the-phone character that I believe has appeared on every Real World season since the Puck Years.  In this case the culprits are Nany and her yelling man, Jordy.  Nany tells this idiot that she hooked up with Adam, who I realize sort of looks like a grown-up Garbage Pail Kid (Aidsy Adam possibly?).  This gets the poor sucker to start shrieking over the phone, "You're gonna make a fool of me on TV!!!!"  No, mister, you and your high-pitch shrills are making you look like a fool.  You been played, Jordy!!!!

Interestingly enough, Nany is cheating on her boyfriend Jordy with Adam, who is cheating on his girlfriend named.....Jordy!! What the shit is this weird universe where everyone with the name Jordy gets cheated on?! Jordy Lemoine better not get too attached to his "bebe," he's gonna get powned!!

Fuck these people, honestly.  This really is the worst television show.  Or as Dustin would say, "when it comes to televisions, there's like volume knobs and channels an' shit."   Yeah, Dustin! And there's power buttons, too, which I plan to turn to the OFF position instead of watching next week's retarded episode!!!


Check out East Side Dave McDonald on Sirius 206, XM 105 every Saturday at 8 PM EST…. and his website or follow him on twitter @EastSideDave