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Big Brother Articles - Part I and II

American Doom - The Land of Big Brother Part I

(Published originally in on June 27, 2013)

It's that American time of year where (for those of you who bizarrely don't watch baseball)  the best of reality TV comes on.  Big Brother.  That special time of the summer where you think to yourself- "I would like to go swimming but I really need to see if Rachel is on the Elliptical machine."   It'll be fruitful of models and actors and the occasional "real" person.  We'll see a tit or a cock or both, if we pay attention.  But mostly, we'll see humans acting in their WORST.  We'll see boorish behavior and cheap girly tricks.  We'll see a man who pretends to be "America's Best Buddy"......and as a result, we might see a woman who is a doctor pretend that she is very stupid, perhaps has a dying parent, used to do drugs......but has now "figured it out".    This is what we like.  It's Big Brother time, mother-fuckers.  Enjoy the madness.  God knows I will......and you will......and we might cry to our priest/rabbi/atheist counselor.....but we WILL cry.  This much is guaranteed- SOMEONE will let us down.  SOMEONE will betray us.  But ultimately, that SOMEONE will win.  God Bless Us All.  - Davey Mac




Meeting People Ain't Easy - The Land of Big Brother Part II 

(Published originally in on June 30, 2013)

We are about seventeen seconds into the new Big Brother season and already we have an alliance.  And they are called......"The Moving Company".  And all I can think of when I hear that intimidating name is,

"Damn, I hate moving.  I mean, I know that most people hate moving, but, like, I REALLY hate moving.  Cardboard boxes and duct tape and all that shit can just go straight to hell.  I'd rather eat a thorn bush than move.  Boy, I'm getting really side-tracked here."

I'm only gonna support the Moving Company if they take after Bad Company and release a song and album with the same name.  And maybe their album cover can be the five guys in the alliance sitting on each other's laps and smiling right at the camera.  Speaking of rock and roll, daddy, is it me or does McRae look like Red Hot Chili Peppers guitarist, John Frusciante.  Everyone in the house is angry because that one duck-lipped freak, Elissa, is Rachel's sister and she's not telling anyone; but I'm pissed as dick that McRae Frusciante is not revealing to us that his  brother is in the band that dressed up like light bulbs at Woodstock 2.  Fuck you, McRae Frusciante.

I've also heard that there are rumblings of racism floating around in the Big Brother house.  I hope CBS shows that nonsense.  Because racism is not funny...unless it's being done by a puppet or cartoon character or an aging, white, baseball player.  THEN, it's a damned scream, it is.  I don't support bigotry of any kind.....except Max Rebo-ism...which is the unapologetic hatred of blue elephants who play the piano in Return of the Jedi.....that fucker and those like him should be strung up and......

Listen to me.....I'm getting carried away here.  Anyway, I've never understood why contestants on Big Brother give a shit about the HOH room.  They've just competed in a game where a giant tongue was licking them and alien-squirrels were farting blood on their faces or some shit like that...I don't know...I was fucked up a little when I saw the episode  The point is, after you've gone through some LSD-inspired obstacle course, I would think seeing a pizza boy's box of Jolly Ranchers would be one fuck of a let down comparatively.

In summation, what am I doing watching this fucking show when Stephen King's Dumb People Trapped In A Snow-Globe is on?!  See you later!!

- Davey Mac
Dave Stand Up 1

Dave Stand Up 1