Tonight is the season finale of The Bachelor!! ...How pathetic am I?
a.) You're a girly man, Davey Boy!! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to shove a neon green dildo up my ass!! Bye-bye!! (25%)
b.) I don't own a television, David. I only possess several photographs of naked old women going number two. (26%)
c.) It's all good, East Side Diddy!! I plan to watch the show, too, while on mushrooms and jerking off my landlord!!! (24%)
d.) I'm just happy you aren't drunkenly robbing any more 7-11's, Dave. (25%)