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Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 17)

  My iPhone was stolen last night.  Who fucking took it?!?!

a.) It wasn't ME, Davey Mac!!  I was busy taking Quaaludes at the cemetery while jerking off on my grandfather's grave!!!  Ahhhhh!! (25%)

b.) I didn't steal your phone, David.  And I have an alibi- my imaginary friend Thomas and I went to the park to rape a random jogger. (24%)

c.) Don't look at me, Dave Man!!  I was at the library shitting on all of the self-help books!!  That's what they get for sticking their noses in my business!!! (26%)

d.) OK, I admit it.  I took your phone, Dave.  I put it on vibrate and fucked my female dog Felicia with it. (25%)

Dave accosts Chris Berman