My iPhone was stolen last night. Who fucking took it?!?!
a.) It wasn't ME, Davey Mac!! I was busy taking Quaaludes at the cemetery while jerking off on my grandfather's grave!!! Ahhhhh!! (25%)
b.) I didn't steal your phone, David. And I have an alibi- my imaginary friend Thomas and I went to the park to rape a random jogger. (24%)
c.) Don't look at me, Dave Man!! I was at the library shitting on all of the self-help books!! That's what they get for sticking their noses in my business!!! (26%)
d.) OK, I admit it. I took your phone, Dave. I put it on vibrate and fucked my female dog Felicia with it. (25%)