I can't believe Thanksgiving is NEXT Thursday!
a.) Shit, I can't believe you even know how a calendar works, Dave Man, you cave-dwelling, pagan dick-nose!! (25%)
b.) I agree, David. Thanksgiving is here way too fast this year. I mean, I haven't even begun my Thanksgiving ritual of buying a big, beautiful turkey, cooking it perfectly, then shooting it full of jizz, bringing it over to my in-laws' house, and telling everyone to "dig in." I really am behind this Thanksgiving, David. (24%)
c.) I can't believe it's that time of year again where I get overly drunk, punch my dad during the Lions' game, throw a pumpkin pie at the dog, burn down the garage, and fart in the cop car as I'm being driven "away"!!! (25%)
d.) I CAN believe Thanksgiving is next Thursday. I CANNOT believe my penis hasn't fallen off after I stuck in a 1790's French guillotine. (26%)