How was your weekend?
a.) It sucked. I got locked in a freezer with Mr. Furley...who is one ANNOYING little son of a bitch!!! I honestly thought about eating him. It's true, I did. I thought to myself, "I'm gonna take this can of peas and crush Mr. Furley's fucking skull with it and then eat the little fucker alive." But at the moment, Felipe the cook arrived to let us out. Signed, Jack Tripper (26%)
b.) Horrible weekend! I drunkenly coaxed Richie to sign up for Vietnam and I heard he got blown up over there by Charlie!!! Fuck!! Signed, The Fonz (25%)
c.) It...it wasn't good, David...I...something happened...well...I think someone pooped in my shoes...or...I...I don't know... Signed, Bob Newhart (24%)
d.) I got gang-fucked by the ENTIRE newsroom while I was passed out on cough medicine so I guess it wasn't so fucking great, was it, genius!!!!!! Signed, Mary Tyler Moore (25%)