I haven't been sleeping well lately. What can I do to help this problem?
a.) My mom always had a nice home-made remedy, Dave. She would give me a warm glass of milk, tuck me in to my bed real tight-like, and start reading me a story about a kid who couldn't get to sleep, so his mother would make him some warm milk, tuck him in, and hit him over the head with a croquet mallet. Needless to say, I suffer from concussions! Good luck! (26%)
b.) I have an "ambiance CD" that I listen to. It is the recording of a calm ocean...which is suddenly disturbed by a fiery plane whose only cargo is 200 screaming babies as it crashes like metal-hell into the water...I haven't been sleeping well either, Dave Man. (25%)
c.) Not to get personal, but try masturbating right before bed time. And while you are doing it, maybe put a sleeping pill in your hiney. And if you do this, can you take some pictures and mail them to my website, CoercingInsomniacsToDoDumbThings.com? Thanks, pal. (24%)
d.) Stop complaining, David, my dog just bit me on the cock. (25%)