I ate no less than 35 pieces of shrimp yesterday. And yet...I have NO stomach pains today whatsoever.
a.) Maybe I should join the competitive eating circuit and crush those assholes in the shrimp contest. Then, when I'm the champion, I'm gonna pull my pants down and shit the shrimp right on Joey Chestnut's and Kobayashi's now second and third-place fucking heads!!! Face!! (26%)
b.) Maybe I'll follow the lead of that retarded asshole Forrest Gump and become a shrimp boat captain. Hey Forrest, move out of my way, Lieutenant DAVE is the new shrimping sheriff in town, retard!!!! (24%)
c.) Maybe all the years of drinking gasoline and White Out have finally paid off! Yay! Fart! (23%)
d.) Maybe I'm some new kind of seafood super-hero: Shrimp Man. Hopefully the mayor will give me a key to the city. Then I can jerk off in every public library that the city has to offer!!!! (27%)