We went to the fireworks in Asbury Park last night...
a.) ...and my children were confused as to which booming noises were the sounds from the fireworks and which were the sounds from gunshots. (24%)
b.) ...and I shit myself a little from drinking 18 Budweisers the night before. Not to worry, I went in my friend's pool afterwards to get "cleaned up." (27%)
c.) ...and my wife threw a hot dog at my head for telling our kids that "this is probably what Vietnam looked like. By the way, kids, you've just been drafted by the U.S. military and you'll be heading into the shit in 'Nam in three weeks." (23%)
d.) ...and I passed out (with reverence) on an American flag. U-S-A!! U-S-A!!! (26%)