It's 95 degrees AND there currently is a water advisory (because of a broken water main) in New Jersey. We have to boil water like a bunch of assholes.
a.) That's 'cause everyone from Jersey IS a bunch off assholes, Dave!! SNAPPAGE!!! (21%)
b.) I hate boiling things, David. Water, potatoes, dicks...I just hate it...you know what? Forget about that last item I listed. There's no reason you should have heard that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some boiled dicks that are almost ready. Avoir. (25%)
c.) Only drink bottled water on days like this, Davey. Also, make sure you DON'T slip and fuck a monkey in the ass. And stay hydrated!! And DON'T fuck that monkey...no matter how much you are tempted!!!! (26%)
d.) Fuck it, Diddy Mac. I'm not boiling any water AND I'm drinking straight out of the tap and why are my fingernails suddenly falling off and how come my hair is coming out and oh shit I'm turning into The Fly!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!! (28%)