I ate too much really late last night. Now I feel like shit. Help me.
a.) Drink some ginger ale, David, and then take the bottle cap and put it straight up your ass!!! (18%)
b.) Try farting into a zip lock bag...and then put the bag into the fridge...let it cool down for forty minutes...then take the bag out...open it...and suck the cooled-down fart. That worked for my cousin Ivan shortly before he jumped off a bridge. (25%)
c.) Maybe you should go for a bike ride, Davey Mac. And, hey, since you'll be out, you mind picking up some horse porn for me? Hey!!! YOU were the one who said he was going out, Davey Mac, not me!!!!! (27%)
d.) Do what I do whenever I have a tummy ache, Dave. Lie diagonally on your bed and think of spikes slowly descending from the ceiling until they drive through your torso. Works every time! (30%)