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The Yankees Need Southpaw Specialist, Dave McDonald.

Yeah, I said it.  Why can't I be one of those left-handed, junk-ball pitchers who comes out for merely ONE lefty hitter (I'm looking at YOU, David Ortiz), and get the guy out with my off-speed stuff.  I'm ready, Yankees, if you're listening.  I only ask for a guaranteed contract of seven years worth 330 million dollars.  You're welcome.

- "East Side" Dave McDonald