With all due respect, it's time to stop with your silly website, Derek Jeter, and come out of retirement to play shortstop for the Yankees. Not only is your successor, Didi Gregarius (who, let's be honest, most people have never heard of), injured; but Didi's BACKUP, Brendan Ryan (who even fewer people have heard of), is NOW hurt, too. And so the Yanks have just bought infielder Gregorio Petit (who NO ONE has heard of) from the Astros. As a result, I am openly petitioning the Captain, Derek Jeter, to triumphantly return like General Douglas MacArthur to the Bronx Bombers and save the 2015 season. Thank you, Mr. Jeets.
- East Side Dave