From now on, every night right before bed, I want you looking at this insane photo-shop given to me where my adult, beardless face has been morphed with some sort of child-demon. I want you and your kids to stare at this picture every Midnight until you start seeing the Fires of Hell. And once you see them, you'll know that Dave is in fact not a child-demon, but actually is a dirty adult who is currently jerking off in the back of your car. In fact, it appears that this entire plot was designed merely so that Dave could jerk off in the back of your car without you noticing. Oh, and we'd like to apologize for deflating your tires once we "finished". Thank you.
- Dave and his imaginary friend Popeye the Porcupine