Happy St. Patrick's Day, homies!!! Let's have a fucking good one today!!!
1. Make sure you shit nice and good in the morning. You don't want to be walking around (intoxicated of course) and have to shit and suddenly a little poo drunkenly comes out and somehow hits the back of your jeans and it's stuck to you all day long.
2. Don't drink green beer. It never tastes good and it looks as appetizing as a pint of mucous. They should call it Snot-In-A-Glass.
3. Not all Irish people dance like they have no functioning arms. I know March 17th is fun even if you're not of "Kelly" descent. You get hammered and dress up in green...and I have no problems with booze or colors. But you don't need to Riverdance and mock us for shit's sake!! I'm Irish and I'm proud to say my arms WORK. I don't know what the hell is wrong with those Gaelic Dancers but for Christ sake, get some stem cells into those potato-carrying arms of theirs!!! Thank you!!
4. Don't touch strangers' ears on the bus when you think they're sleeping. This has little to do with St. Patrick's Day. It's just something I got in trouble for and have been forced by the courts to mention in public once a month.
5. Suck and Fuck.
Have a great St. Paddy's Day!!!
- Davey Mac