The bad news is that my football season is over. My team (the New York Football Giants) is 0 and 6 and their fucking year is deader than my squashed dream of having two dicks surgically attached to my shoulders (my doctor called the police on me after I requested this procedure).
The good news is that the Giants' demise has given me lots of free time with which I intend on picking up a few new hobbies. For instance, I plan on jerking off more. Also, I shall be smoking more pot. And I want to start stalking little people. Not midgets, mind you. No. I'm talking your Danny DeVito's and Rhea Pearlman's and whatnot. Lastly, I'm gonna photograph my own shits.
This has been Dave's Two Cents.