“Not so fast,” says LeBron! “I have gas,” says LeDave! (6/15/12)
It’s your June Fifteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and the Heat have evened up the NBA Finals at one game apiece against the Thunder, beating OKC 100 to 96 last night. LeBron James finished with 32 points and 8 rebounds. Things now get interesting as the series heads to Miami. I, too, am going to Florida. But I’ll be visiting Orlando…Disney World specifically. There, I plan to go on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, drunk of course, where I shall assault any mother-fucking animatronic asshole who gives me the stink-eye!!! Maybe I’ll have some Peyote, too. And I promise you, Animatronic Johnny Depp, if you jump out to scare me, you’re fucking DEAD!!! I’m gonna get so fucked up that I’ll probably end up saying, “Honey, I think I’ve lost the kids.” Bam!!!
Tiger Woods had himself a good opening round at the U.S. Open, shooting 1 under, and is 3 behind the leader. I now suppose we’ll get talking heads on ESPN, NBC, etc. debating whether “Tiger is back”…a sentence that has been uttered over thirty thousand times in the last two years by the media. I, for one, haven’t been so annoyed by a phrase since that old bitch kept asking “Where’s the beef?” What do you mean, “Where’s the beef?”, lady, it’s on the God-Damn hamburger!!!! FUCK!! I know that you’re elderly, but you’re not fucking retarded!! When you order a burger, THAT’S where the beef is, you old slut!!! Fuck!!!
The prosecution in the Jerry Sandusky trial has rested its case after putting eight accusers on the stand against the alleged Penn State pedophile. I don’t know what kind of magic Sandusky’s lawyers are planning to utilize in defending the kid-rapist, but they better get some serious wizard shit going. If I were them, I’d look into attaining Dumbledore, the head master of Hogwarts, and see if he can do some tricks and shit to confuse the jury. Other mystical people who could help the defense: Yoda, Merlin, Gargamel, the Dominoes Noid (I think he was a wizard). You’re gonna need all the magical help you can get, Sandusky, you piece of shit!!!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Adam Dunn of the White Sox who hit his 22nd home run of the season last night (despite Chicago losing to the Cards). Twenty-two dingers is a shitload on June 15th of the baseball season. The only number that I have in my life that compares is eleven. As in the eleven times I was…romantic…with myself in a single day. Get it? No? OK, I once…got to know myself better...eleven times in one day. Understand? Not yet? Really??? OK…in 1997 I spanked the dick eleven times and squirted jizz into my sock drawer eleven times and then took those socks out and put them on eleven of my puppets. There!!!!
See you homies on Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Sirius 206, XM 105, at 7 PM (EST)!! Adios, muchachos!!
-Dave (6/15/12)
